History Channel-USC v. Greatest armies in history
- Thread starter Jive_Turkey
- Start date
hockeydude
< 25 Posts
Yeah, I heard they were re-writing the Koran to remove allah and insert ML and RB?? Not sure how true that is, though. Seems like Pete would have to be included to have any legitimacy.
Ponyhorn
< 25 Posts
At first the French planned to have only Reggie Bush, Matt Leinart, and Pete Carroll defending the eastern French border. They opted instead for the maginot line, and the trio joined the russians to singlehandedly defend stalingrad using only speed, good looks, and undoubtedly the greatest strategic mind the world has ever seen.
100yearHorn
25+ Posts
Reggie Bush is still mad about having to share the MNC with LSU a couple of years ago, so he huffed and he puffed and blew their state away this August. Meterologists were in error when they labeled this phenomenon "Hurricane Katrina."
Phil Hellmuth
100+ Posts
The only burning bush Moses ever saw was Reggie running.
hockeydude
< 25 Posts
Moses may have parted the Red Sea, but it was the USC offensive and defensive lines that held back the water. Look closely next time you watch 'The Ten Commandments'...you'll see it.
HornsForever'93
1,000+ Posts
Pete Carrol and not Charles Darwin concocted the doctrine known around the world as Evolution. He did it in one month, not the alleged years of study taken by Mr. Darwin.
Hank_Kingsley
100+ Posts
When Reggie Bush was a toddler, he learned to walk faster than any child the world had seen. The day after he took his first steps, a small village gathered to watch him race a leopard around a sizeable pond. Little Reggie lapped the leopard 4 times before the great animal reportedly died of exhaustion. It was later found out that the actual cause of death was the 2nd Deadly Sin.
To celebrate his convincing victory, every villager offered up their daughters to Little Reggie...who gladly accepted every woman after quenching his thirst with 8 jugs of wine. That night, Reggie fell into a deep sleep surrounded by 40 women on a bed of feather pillows. He was drunk and mumbling to himself in his sleep. The women thought it was funny and charming, but gasped when they heard actual words coming out of the toddler's mouth. "He can speak!," said one. The ladies gathered pen and parchment and huddled around young Reggie, and they began to write down his words. He slept for 4 straight days. They binded the pages and named it "Reggie's Pillow Talk".
Years later it was known under a different title...The Book of Genesis.
To celebrate his convincing victory, every villager offered up their daughters to Little Reggie...who gladly accepted every woman after quenching his thirst with 8 jugs of wine. That night, Reggie fell into a deep sleep surrounded by 40 women on a bed of feather pillows. He was drunk and mumbling to himself in his sleep. The women thought it was funny and charming, but gasped when they heard actual words coming out of the toddler's mouth. "He can speak!," said one. The ladies gathered pen and parchment and huddled around young Reggie, and they began to write down his words. He slept for 4 straight days. They binded the pages and named it "Reggie's Pillow Talk".
Years later it was known under a different title...The Book of Genesis.
100yearHorn
25+ Posts
As hard as Matt Leinart throws his passes in games, he's only going at one percent speed. If he threw as hard as he could, even passes five yards underthrown would kill everyone within a ten-yard radius. And if he threw a pass at full strenght and it hit a guy right between the numbers, it would go right through him, suck out all his internal organs, maintain its spiral, and streak right through everything else in its path until it buried itself deep in a Southern California mountain.
You probably didn't hear about it, but there was a 9.7 magnitude quake on the San Andreas fault a couple of weeks ago. Luckily, the USC offensive line was nearby. They pushed the chunk of California that was about to tumble into the sea -- an area the size of Mississippi -- right back into place. They all said it was as easy as a Snap-Tite model.
You probably didn't hear about it, but there was a 9.7 magnitude quake on the San Andreas fault a couple of weeks ago. Luckily, the USC offensive line was nearby. They pushed the chunk of California that was about to tumble into the sea -- an area the size of Mississippi -- right back into place. They all said it was as easy as a Snap-Tite model.
hockeydude
< 25 Posts
I just caught this on the evening news...
Apparently, to help with the gridlock and pandemonium being caused by the mass transit strike in New York, Christmas is being changed to March 2nd. It seems Mayor Bloomberg is being overwhelmed by complaints from local citizens that they are no longer able to complete their last minute Christmas shopping because of all the gridlock in the city. In response, the Mayor was quoted as saying, "we're changing the date of Christmas to allow 60 more days of shopping. March 2nd was picked because it's the birthday of USC's Reggie Bush, which is the next best thing to Jesus Christ."
Admittedly, I wouldn't mind if Rick Perry followed suit; I could use a few more days.
Apparently, to help with the gridlock and pandemonium being caused by the mass transit strike in New York, Christmas is being changed to March 2nd. It seems Mayor Bloomberg is being overwhelmed by complaints from local citizens that they are no longer able to complete their last minute Christmas shopping because of all the gridlock in the city. In response, the Mayor was quoted as saying, "we're changing the date of Christmas to allow 60 more days of shopping. March 2nd was picked because it's the birthday of USC's Reggie Bush, which is the next best thing to Jesus Christ."
Admittedly, I wouldn't mind if Rick Perry followed suit; I could use a few more days.
mini van horn
< 25 Posts
David slew Goliath...and then promptly got his *** kicked by Reggie Bush.
The latest issue of Popular Science Magazine reveals that when the SR-71 Blackbird made it's final reconnaissance flight in 1999, there was a reason. It wasn't that the stealthy bird was incapable, or slow, or that it didn't fly high enough. It did all of these things exceptionally well. It's just that a new weapons platform had come along which could far outperform the proud, tenured aircraft, rendering it obsolete.
The new weapon? Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush.
The Deployment Process? Leinart would simply grasp Bush by his belt buckle or any firm, nearby handhold, then raise him overhead with one hand and hurl him airborn with his incredibly powerful and accurate throwing arm toward the intended recon target at unprecedented speeds.
Bush's extraordinary body type (in the Heisman pose) generates takeoff lift at a mere 20 mph, but with a previously thought unattainable drag coefficient of 0. Since he reguires extremely little O2, H2O, or nourishment, has extremely high durabilty in his "airframe" and his skin, is extremely resistent to heat, cold, and light,and has better vision and information processing ability than the SR-71, and is able to climb higher and faster until he reaches low earth orbit, the SR-71 simply cannot compete.
Bush has the capability to act as a LandSat, or on the other end of the spectrum, come down to the target and interact, a la James Bond. The catch is when he's ready to go, he doesn't need a plane. He is his plane. In a pinch, he just sprints until he reaches escape velocity....usually 2 or 3 seconds, and cruises on back to the good ol' USA.
Advantages over old system (aside from obvious ones above):
-Accuracy and strength of Leinart's arm eliminate costly guidance systems and greatly reduce time to target.
-Bush much faster, higher, quieter, and smaller. Virtually undetectable and definitely unstoppable.
-Quicker and easier to deploy. Only drawback is jealousy issue during launch sequence if Nick Lachey is nearby.
-No maintenance. Leinart and Bush are indestructible.
-Infallible. Leinart and Bush cannot err.
Key Comparisons:
SERVICE CEILING:
SR-71: 85,000'+
ML & RB: Unlimited
Advantage: ML & RB
MAXIMUM SPEED:
SR-71: Mach 3.3+
ML & RB: Unlimited
Advantage: ML & RB. Hell, Bush could fly really fast around the world over and over against the earth's rotation, like Superman, and turn back time.
ENGINES:
SR-71: 2 Pratt & Whittney J-58 (JT11D-20A) with 34,000 lbs. of thrust.
ML & RB: Standard Launch: Leinart's arm, Alternate Launch: Bush's Legs
Advantage: Standard Launch...ML & RB; Alternate Launch...ML & RB
The new weapon? Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush.
The Deployment Process? Leinart would simply grasp Bush by his belt buckle or any firm, nearby handhold, then raise him overhead with one hand and hurl him airborn with his incredibly powerful and accurate throwing arm toward the intended recon target at unprecedented speeds.
Bush's extraordinary body type (in the Heisman pose) generates takeoff lift at a mere 20 mph, but with a previously thought unattainable drag coefficient of 0. Since he reguires extremely little O2, H2O, or nourishment, has extremely high durabilty in his "airframe" and his skin, is extremely resistent to heat, cold, and light,and has better vision and information processing ability than the SR-71, and is able to climb higher and faster until he reaches low earth orbit, the SR-71 simply cannot compete.
Bush has the capability to act as a LandSat, or on the other end of the spectrum, come down to the target and interact, a la James Bond. The catch is when he's ready to go, he doesn't need a plane. He is his plane. In a pinch, he just sprints until he reaches escape velocity....usually 2 or 3 seconds, and cruises on back to the good ol' USA.
Advantages over old system (aside from obvious ones above):
-Accuracy and strength of Leinart's arm eliminate costly guidance systems and greatly reduce time to target.
-Bush much faster, higher, quieter, and smaller. Virtually undetectable and definitely unstoppable.
-Quicker and easier to deploy. Only drawback is jealousy issue during launch sequence if Nick Lachey is nearby.
-No maintenance. Leinart and Bush are indestructible.
-Infallible. Leinart and Bush cannot err.
Key Comparisons:
SERVICE CEILING:
SR-71: 85,000'+
ML & RB: Unlimited
Advantage: ML & RB
MAXIMUM SPEED:
SR-71: Mach 3.3+
ML & RB: Unlimited
Advantage: ML & RB. Hell, Bush could fly really fast around the world over and over against the earth's rotation, like Superman, and turn back time.
ENGINES:
SR-71: 2 Pratt & Whittney J-58 (JT11D-20A) with 34,000 lbs. of thrust.
ML & RB: Standard Launch: Leinart's arm, Alternate Launch: Bush's Legs
Advantage: Standard Launch...ML & RB; Alternate Launch...ML & RB
HornGrandioso
500+ Posts
They just reopened the intelligent design case in Pennsylvania. Apparently, when the judge a tape of USC beating Fresno State, he came to the conclusion that some "higher power" must have invented the USC offense, hence the theory of Intelligent Design must be taught in schools, with a special disclaimer attached to evolution textbooks:
"Remember, evolution is only a theory, and can not fully explain the awesomeness of Reggie Bush."
"Remember, evolution is only a theory, and can not fully explain the awesomeness of Reggie Bush."
hornyhoosier
500+ Posts
After one month of planning, Pete Carrol has figured out cold fusion.
Actually, he only needed the first two weeks. He used the second two weeks to totally decode the human genome with just pencil and paper.
Actually, he only needed the first two weeks. He used the second two weeks to totally decode the human genome with just pencil and paper.
hockeydude
< 25 Posts
Hitler was not trying to create the master race...he was trying to create USC! His suicide is the reason it took 60 more years. While in hell, he grumbles over the fact that the dynasty could have been oh so much longer.
Naked Bongos
250+ Posts
bigup2dahorns
250+ Posts
the east coast vs west coast rap wars are over. reggie shot tupac, biggie, 50 cent (9 times), DMC, slipped eazy e some aids virus, told mike jones who cares who is mike jones. suge knight now calls reggie "boss".
wacohorn27
25+ Posts
Just reported on ESPN News:
The Heisman Trophy has been renamed.
In a not-unexpected move this afternoon, the Downtown Athletic Club announced that next year it will award the Bush Award to the outstanding college football player in the nation.
wh
The Heisman Trophy has been renamed.
In a not-unexpected move this afternoon, the Downtown Athletic Club announced that next year it will award the Bush Award to the outstanding college football player in the nation.
wh
Soviet Union
500+ Posts
pretty freaking hilarious guys....along with the Simpson's cavalcade of college football, best sports internet stuff of the year!
THREE-PETE!!!
THREE-PETE!!!
MisterBevo
25+ Posts
Which came first . . . Reggie or the sperm?
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