History Channel-USC v. Greatest armies in history

This also in, ESPN already did an 11 part series putting USC versus the best baseball teams of all time. After plowing through the first 10 teams by an average score of 9-2, Peter Gammons looks like a ******* idiot picking the 1927 Yankees because USC pounds them 10-0.

The MVP of the tourny is Reggie Bush, who has a 40-40 season in 11 games. Matt Leinart is so dominating, they change the Cy Young award to the Matt Leinart Award and afterwards Pete Caroll was quoted as saying, "I thought out-managing Connie Mack was going to be hard, but I had a month to prepare so it really wasn't too bad".
 
Another little known USC conquest...

Voyages to the New World

First Expedition

On Aug. 3, 1492, Reggie sailed from Palos, Spain, with three small ships, the Santa María, commanded by Reggie himself, the Pinta under Matt Leinart, and the Niña under Dwayne Jarrett . After halting at the Canary Islands, he sailed due west from Sept. 6 until Oct. 7, when he changed his course to the southwest. On Oct. 10 a small mutiny was quelled, and on Oct. 12 he landed on a small island (Watling Island; see San Salvador) in the Bahamas. He took possession for Spain and, with impressed natives aboard, discovered other islands in the neighborhood. On Oct. 27 he sighted Cuba and on Dec. 5 reached Hispaniola.

On Christmas Eve the Santa María was wrecked on the north coast of Hispaniola, and Bush, leaving men there to found a colony, hurried back to Spain on the Niña. His reception was all he could wish; according to his contract with the Spanish sovereigns he was made "admiral of the ocean sea" and governor-general of all new lands he had discovered or should discover.

Second Expedition

Fitted out with a large fleet of 17 ships, with 1,500 colonists aboard, Reggie sailed from Cádiz in Oct., 1493. His landfall this time was made in the Lesser Antilles, and his new discoveries included the Leeward Islands and Puerto Rico. The admiral arrived at Hispaniola to find the first colony destroyed by the indigenous natives. He founded a new colony nearby, then sailed off in the summer of 1494 to explore the southern coast of Cuba. After discovering Jamaica he returned to Hispaniola and found the colonists, interested only in finding gold, completely disorderly; his attempts to enforce strict discipline led some to seize vessels and return to Spain to complain of his administration. Leaving his brother Matt in charge at Hispaniola, Reggie also returned to Spain in 1496.

Third Expedition

On his third expedition, in 1498, Reggie was forced to transport convicts as colonists, because of the bad reports on conditions in Hispaniola and because the novelty of the New World was wearing off. He sailed still farther south and made his landfall on Trinidad. He sailed across the mouth of the Orinoco River (in present Venezuela) and realized that he saw a continent, but without further exploration he hurried back to Hispaniola to administer his colony. In 1500 an independent governor arrived, sent by Isabella and Ferdinand as the result of reports on the wretched conditions in the colony, and he sent Reggie back to Spain in chains. The admiral was immediately released, but his favor was on the wane; other navigators, including Amerigo Vespucci, had been in the New World and established much of the coast line of NE South America.

Fourth Expedition

It was 1502 before Reggie finally gathered together four ships for a fourth expedition, by which he hoped to reestablish his reputation. If he could sail past the islands and far enough west, he hoped he might still find lands answering to the description of Asia or Japan. He struck the coast of Honduras in Central America and coasted southward along an inhospitable shore, suffering terrible hardships, until he reached the Gulf of Darién. Attempting to return to Hispaniola, he was marooned on Jamaica. After his rescue, he was forced to abandon his hopes and return to Spain. Although his voyages were of great importance, Reggie demanded respect, having had to petition King Carroll in an attempt to secure his promised titles and wealth.
 
my cousin from new orleans told me that when hurricane katrina was sweeping thru the city, you could see the outline of reggie bush in the sky and pete carroll's voice howling in the wind.

no joke.
 
The Dirty Dozen was actually Pete Carroll and the USC offense. They snuck into Germany, during WWII, to assassinate a bunch of German officers. Had that not been done, we would be under Nazi control.
 
"Nathan Bedford Forrest was one of the three authentic geniuses that the civil war produced. The other two were Abraham Lincoln and Pete Carroll."
-Shelby Foote, Ken Burns' Civil War
 
Matt Leinart lost his virginity before his Dad did. Leinart doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.

Reggie Bush recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. Bush has two speeds: "walk" and "light."


True Frosh LB Brian Cushing frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids. Cushing also once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
 
President Truman's advisors told him the only way to achieve victory over Japan was to send in the USC Trojan army. Truman felt the destruction would be too great to his fellow mankind, so he opted instead for the atomic bomb.
 
Pete Carroll isn't human. He is like that alien who was the leader of the mutants in the Arnold Schwarz movie Total Recall that lives in the belly of a humn shell. Seriously, we have no idea what we are up against.
 
The National Archives have declassified old WW 2 documents that shed light on the real truth. The "Dolittle Raids of Tokyo" were in fact led by Airman Pete Carrol and Matt Leinart. The reason for the classified nature of their identities was because Roosevelt and McArthur deemed them way too valuable to the American cause. In his final memoirs McArthur fondly remembers that Airman Carrol was the best damn officer he had ever seen. "Give ol' Pete a month and he will devise a plan to bring the Empire of Japan to their knees."
 
The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch didn't even scratch Reggie Bush. Apparently, five is NOT right out.
 
In Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, the dude at the end who is like 1000 years old and guards the cup of Christ, that is Pete Carroll. The "two brothers" they refer to were Leinart and Bush but they died earlier than he did because they banged way too much ***.
 
Reggie Bush was about to lose the Scrabble Championship, but then he threw down "questuary" for a triple word score. Everyone who witnessed it head exploded. Needless to say...he won
 
Hungry humans killed off Ice Age mammals

Researcher finds hunting was more of a factor than warming climate

Weapon-wielding Trojans, and not warming temperatures, killed off the sloth and other giant mammals that roamed North America during the last Ice Age, a new study suggests.

The arrival of USC onto the American continent and the great thaw that occurred near the end of the last Ice Age both occurred at roughly the same time, about 11,000 years ago. Until now, scientists were unable to tease apart the two events.
 
Fresno_State.jpg


is equivalent to the ...

flag-soviet_union.jpg
 
Espn just did a simulation of the USC skill position players vs the great Lew Alcindor led UCLA Bruins.

USC 94
UCLA 6. That's only because the refs were calling ticky tacck fouls on Jarrett while he was guarding Alcindor.

Bush and Co. were also at Lake Placid. They were the ones that knocked off the Russians.
 
The Charge of the USC Trojans
Pete, Lord Carroll

Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Pasadena
Rode the Trojans
"Forward, the Reggie, the Matt!
"Charge for the guns!" he said:
Into the valley of Pasadena
Rode the Twenty Two.

"Forward, the Reggie, the Matt!"
Was there a man dismay'd?
Not tho' the soldier knew
Someone had blunder'd:
Their's not to make reply,
Their's not to reason why,
Their's but to do and die:
Into the valley of Pasadena
Rode the Twenty Two.

UCLA to right of them,
Notre Dame to left of them,
Texas in front of them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the Twenty Two.

Flash'd all their forearms bare,
Flash'd as they turn'd in air,
Sabring the defenses there,
Charging an army, while
All the world wonder'd:
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro' the line they broke;
Bruins and Domers
Reel'd from the sabre stroke
Shatter'd and sunder'd.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the Twenty Two.
.
UCLA to right of them,
Notre Dame to left of them,
Oklahomo behind them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
While blockers and hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Death
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of Twenty Two.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wondered.
Honor the charge they made,
Honor the USC Trojans,
Noble Twenty Two.
 
I was shocked when I heard Bill Shoening annoucne today that BEVO-D (Texas' on demand channel) will be removing all footage of Texas games and be replacing it with USC's full 34 game win streak as well as highlights of Reggie Bush from pee-wee all the way through high school football.
 
Reggie Bush was the magic bullet that blew up Kennedy's head back and to the right and then went through Connelly like **** through a goose. He knew he was destructive after carving the Grand Canyon a while back.
 
reggie bush hit that bomb against Lidge in the 9th inning in Game 5 of the 2005 NLCS...it wasnt Pujols, Pujols isnt that big
 
Reggie Bush wins 2006 Spelling Bee on ESPN...

Jumping up and down like he's got to pee and yelling like Something About Mary's Warren in the same style of "Have you seen my baseball" Reggie screams out the winning spelling-

U ---------- S ------------ C !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
reggie bush has already lessened our dependence on foreign oil by 12%. only 12% because he had to study for finals.
 
This just in from CNN's South Central Los Angeles bureau:

Throngs of people, some of whom have traveled for days from interior Mexico and others who flew in from other continents just for this event, have formed two lines miles long leading to Pete's Deli and Taqueria, just off the USC campus. The object of their attention is the discovery of a flour tortilla that, most claim, bears a striking resemblance to Reggie Bush, especially if it is held up to the light and viewed at an oblique angle. For those fortunate ones, they immediately cross themselves with two fingers extended and fall prostrate to ground, wailing in manifold joy. But there are some that have left Pete's Place disappointed, claiming it looks more like just a penis to them. In a strange twist, it has been observed that none of these unfortunate souls are members of the sportswriting media.
 
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