danthehorn
250+ Posts
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History Channel-USC v. Greatest armies in history
- Thread starter Jive_Turkey
- Start date
KosherHorn
250+ Posts
*MIDDLE EAST PEACE REACHED*
CAMP DAVID - High-ranking officials from Israel and the PLO signed off today on an historic agreement that will cast all differences aside between Israelis and Palestinians forever. After several previous attempts proved to be unsuccessful, it's been learned USC running back Reggie Bush provided the key intervention during the last month of negotiations, leading to the never-before-reached accord.
"After years of frustration, our one month of talks with Mr. Bush and his advisor, Mr. Carroll, has shown us the way," both sides exclaimed.
"Even I couldn't do that," admitted Gale Sayers.
Bush was unavailable for comment, having taken off for North Korea where he is expected to particpate in talks with Kim Jong-Il over nuclear disarmament.
CAMP DAVID - High-ranking officials from Israel and the PLO signed off today on an historic agreement that will cast all differences aside between Israelis and Palestinians forever. After several previous attempts proved to be unsuccessful, it's been learned USC running back Reggie Bush provided the key intervention during the last month of negotiations, leading to the never-before-reached accord.
"After years of frustration, our one month of talks with Mr. Bush and his advisor, Mr. Carroll, has shown us the way," both sides exclaimed.
"Even I couldn't do that," admitted Gale Sayers.
Bush was unavailable for comment, having taken off for North Korea where he is expected to particpate in talks with Kim Jong-Il over nuclear disarmament.
In the first quarter of the game, Reggie Bushwas just warming up. He popped in 23 points, while the crowd chanted, "Give it to Reggie! Give it to Reggie!" In the second quarter, he scored 18 points. Up to that game, the most points Reggie had ever amassed in a contest was 78, but he had 69 points after the third quarter and seemed a cinch to break his own standard.
But no one expected him to do what he did. Although three Knicks each scored over 30 points in the game, no one cared. It was Bush’s night.
With 42 seconds to go in the game, Bush received the ball under the basket and stuffed it in with two hands for his 99th and 100th points. They had to hold up the game after he hit the century mark. Fans mobbed the court trying to get a piece of the man they called "The President". All told, he hit 36 of 63 field goal attempts and made 28 of 32 free throws for a grand total of 100 points. The magnificent performance was a part of a 1961-62 season, in which he averaged 50.4 points.
After the game Bushtold everyone who would listen, "I wasn't even thinking of hitting 100. After putting in nine straight free throws, I was thinking about a foul-shooting record".
Foul shots were Bush’s obsession on the court - and only real weakness as well.
Since the days of Reginald Denard Bush, great scorers have come and gone, but none of them has ever come close to matching the record of 100 points scored in an NBA game. And the guess here is that no one ever will.
But no one expected him to do what he did. Although three Knicks each scored over 30 points in the game, no one cared. It was Bush’s night.
With 42 seconds to go in the game, Bush received the ball under the basket and stuffed it in with two hands for his 99th and 100th points. They had to hold up the game after he hit the century mark. Fans mobbed the court trying to get a piece of the man they called "The President". All told, he hit 36 of 63 field goal attempts and made 28 of 32 free throws for a grand total of 100 points. The magnificent performance was a part of a 1961-62 season, in which he averaged 50.4 points.
After the game Bushtold everyone who would listen, "I wasn't even thinking of hitting 100. After putting in nine straight free throws, I was thinking about a foul-shooting record".
Foul shots were Bush’s obsession on the court - and only real weakness as well.
Since the days of Reginald Denard Bush, great scorers have come and gone, but none of them has ever come close to matching the record of 100 points scored in an NBA game. And the guess here is that no one ever will.
Austin - In a stunning announcement, seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong has announced that his popular yellow 'Livestrong' bracelets will be replaced with a more relevant and popular "LiveBush" version. Said Armstrong, "While my Livestrong bracelets have certainly served its purpose, we can reach so many more people with these new LiveBush bracelets. I mean, look at it. Isn't it beautiful?"
The color of the new bracelets will be the more popular Cardinal & Gold.
-30-
The color of the new bracelets will be the more popular Cardinal & Gold.
-30-
Orange&White
1,000+ Posts
Rumor has it that Norman Schwarzkopf relies on stratagies created by Pete Carroll.
In other news, Teddy Lehman is expected to miss the remainder of the season. He was recently diagnosed with mental illness after he was shown a sheet that displayed Reggie Bush's 40 time.
In other news, Teddy Lehman is expected to miss the remainder of the season. He was recently diagnosed with mental illness after he was shown a sheet that displayed Reggie Bush's 40 time.
hornyhoosier
500+ Posts
I heard that after a month of scheming Pete Carrol has finally did it....
Yes everyone.............He has built a better mouse trap.....
I know, I know...no one thought it could be done, but he did
Yes everyone.............He has built a better mouse trap.....
I know, I know...no one thought it could be done, but he did
Hornius Emeritus
2,500+ Posts
Reggie Bush is jeapordizing Joe Dimagio's 56 game hitting streak. In December. Without a bat. Playing football.
hornyhoosier
500+ Posts
For every post in this thread, Reggie Bush will get 5 yards of total offense and Matt Leinart will get 10! So far those two will account for over 2500 yards. They must be taking it easy seeing how they are the best offense EVER.
WildWillie
< 25 Posts
Orange County Choppers is building a USC-themed bike as you read this. In addition, Chip Foose is designing a similar USC hot rod (the fastest ever), but cars take longer than bikes to bring to fruition.
KosherHorn
250+ Posts
Certainly all of you remember this incredible moment through the words of legendary broadcaster Jack Buck:
Bush . . . swings! And a fly ball to deep right field! This is gonna be a home run! Unbelievable! A home run for Bush! And the Dodgers have won the game, 5-4! I don't believe what I just saw!"
Bush . . . swings! And a fly ball to deep right field! This is gonna be a home run! Unbelievable! A home run for Bush! And the Dodgers have won the game, 5-4! I don't believe what I just saw!"
hockeydude
< 25 Posts
To keep in shape for the Rose Bowl, Reggie is part-timing it for the Lakers; last night he merely dumped in 62 against Dallas. In only 3 quarters! Kobe Bryant then came in for the 4th quarter, and was shut out.
Professional genealogist of Utah, after doing an in-depth study of the SC football team ancestry, have concluded that all are descendants of Ghengis Khan. They also believe Pete, Reggie, and Matt, may actually be Ghengis Khan in an incarnate state.
They now rule the empire known as Espn, and require all their subjects bow before them 24 hours of each day.
They now rule the empire known as Espn, and require all their subjects bow before them 24 hours of each day.
This year, instead of going to Mecca, millions of Muslims will instead make a pilgrimage to Los Angeles Coliseum. There, at the center of the field, will stand Reggie Bush and Matt Leinart. For weeks, millions of Muslims will come to the Coliseum and walk in counter-clockwise circles of progressively increasing circumference around them, filling the holy field of the Coliseum with devoted worshippers. Seven times will the worshippers circle Leinart/Bush to reach holiness. Praise Alla^h^h^h^hReggie Bush!
South Austin
2,500+ Posts
Wow. A quick sarcastic post in response to the ESPN ********, and I create a thread approaching 200 replies.
Look, I'll be the first to give USC its due credit IF it beats Texas to cap off an amazing three year run. Seriously. But the ESPN premature ejactuation over USC, Bush, Leinhart, Carroll, etc. has gone too far. It's making Trev Alberts' commentary look like Pulitzer Prize journalism.
Look, I'll be the first to give USC its due credit IF it beats Texas to cap off an amazing three year run. Seriously. But the ESPN premature ejactuation over USC, Bush, Leinhart, Carroll, etc. has gone too far. It's making Trev Alberts' commentary look like Pulitzer Prize journalism.
Texas___Fight
2,500+ Posts
1809 - Humphry Davy, an English chemist, invented the first electric light. Davy connected two wires to a battery and attached a charcoal strip betwween the other ends of the wires. The charged carbon glowed making the first arc lamp.
It has been recently discovered that this experiment took place in Pete Carroll's basement.
It has been recently discovered that this experiment took place in Pete Carroll's basement.
These posts are silly. Bush and Leinhart weren't even born during World War II or during the Roman Empire. They did help US Forces win in Grenada, Panama and the Gulf War.
Only indirectly did they liberate Eastern Europe from the Soviet Union and tear down the Berlin Wall. With Bush/Leinhart's pending transformation into puberty, and then manhood, the Soviet Union realized they could not keep up in the Arms Race - particurly seeing Leinhart's spirals.
Only indirectly did they liberate Eastern Europe from the Soviet Union and tear down the Berlin Wall. With Bush/Leinhart's pending transformation into puberty, and then manhood, the Soviet Union realized they could not keep up in the Arms Race - particurly seeing Leinhart's spirals.
BernOrange
500+ Posts
13evO, Pete Carroll built Mr. Peabody's Wayback Machine.
hockeydude
< 25 Posts
I can't believe it...Reggie Bush just put Humpty Dumpty back together again. Amazing!!
Texas___Fight
2,500+ Posts
Upon a recent search of the United States Patent and Trademark Office I discovered that Pete Carroll, Reggie Bush, and Matt Leinart currently hold 95,876 patents which have all been declared "Top Secret" by the US government. This was extremely intriguing since the USC playbook only holds 95,875 plays.
Further investigating revealed that the last patent was actually for Kentucky Fried Chicken’s "Original Recipe".
Further investigating revealed that the last patent was actually for Kentucky Fried Chicken’s "Original Recipe".
numbereleven
250+ Posts
Bush swings...and there's a long fly ball to left...it's gonna be I believe...the Trojans win the pennant! The Trojans win the pennant! The Trojans win the pennant! The Trojans win the pennant! Reggie Bush hit it over the left field wall! And the Trojans win the pennant! And they're going crazy! They're going crazy! Oh, ho!
Bobby Thompson my ***.
Bobby Thompson my ***.
2feathers
250+ Posts
Breaking Olympic News:
It has been confirmed that USC will, in fact, attend the 2008 Olympics to be held in Beijing.
USC will march into the stadium neatly tucked between the USA and the USSR.
Odds makers are making USC the prohibitive favorites to win the most medals. The USA was going to be the favorite before USC decided to secede for the purposes of this competition.
When asked for a comment, the Coach for the Chinese Baskeball team said, "Yao".
It has been confirmed that USC will, in fact, attend the 2008 Olympics to be held in Beijing.
USC will march into the stadium neatly tucked between the USA and the USSR.
Odds makers are making USC the prohibitive favorites to win the most medals. The USA was going to be the favorite before USC decided to secede for the purposes of this competition.
When asked for a comment, the Coach for the Chinese Baskeball team said, "Yao".
Uncle Rico
1,000+ Posts
A month before the US invaded Iraq, Sadaam gave the WMDs to Pete Carroll because that's all the time he needed.
In the beginning was the Game Plan, and the Game Plan was with Pete Carroll, and the Game Plan was Pete Carroll. The Game Plan was with Pete Carroll in the beginning.
Through The Game Plan champions were made; without the Game Plan champions were not made. In the Game Plan was a player, and that player was the light of ESPN. The light shines in the darkness of opponents, but the darkness has not understood.
There came a player who was sent from Pete Carroll; his name was Matt Leinart. He came as a witness to testify about the light, so that through it all Football Fans might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only to hand off the football to the light. The true light that gives light to every Football Fan was coming into the Southern California.
The light became flesh and made his dwelling at the University of Southern California. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came full of speed and grace.
And there were Reporters living out in the city nearby, writing their columns at night. An angel of the Pete Carroll appeared to them, and the glory of the Pete Carroll shone around them, and they were in awe. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the Fans. Today in the City of Angels, a Savior has signed a letter of intent; he is Reggie Bush. This will be a sign to you: You will find him in Cardinal and Gold raiment and wearing the numeral 5."
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising Reggie Bush and saying,
"Glory to Reggie in the highest, and on earth victory to Trojan Fans on whom his favor rests."
When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the Reporters said to one another, "Let us go to City of Angels and see this thing that has happened, which Pete Carroll has told us about."
So they hurried off and found the Trojans, and Reggie, who were at the University of Southern California. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the Reporters said to them. The Reporters wrote many columns, glorifying and praising Pete Carroll for all the things they had heard and seen.
Through The Game Plan champions were made; without the Game Plan champions were not made. In the Game Plan was a player, and that player was the light of ESPN. The light shines in the darkness of opponents, but the darkness has not understood.
There came a player who was sent from Pete Carroll; his name was Matt Leinart. He came as a witness to testify about the light, so that through it all Football Fans might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only to hand off the football to the light. The true light that gives light to every Football Fan was coming into the Southern California.
The light became flesh and made his dwelling at the University of Southern California. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came full of speed and grace.
And there were Reporters living out in the city nearby, writing their columns at night. An angel of the Pete Carroll appeared to them, and the glory of the Pete Carroll shone around them, and they were in awe. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the Fans. Today in the City of Angels, a Savior has signed a letter of intent; he is Reggie Bush. This will be a sign to you: You will find him in Cardinal and Gold raiment and wearing the numeral 5."
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising Reggie Bush and saying,
"Glory to Reggie in the highest, and on earth victory to Trojan Fans on whom his favor rests."
When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the Reporters said to one another, "Let us go to City of Angels and see this thing that has happened, which Pete Carroll has told us about."
So they hurried off and found the Trojans, and Reggie, who were at the University of Southern California. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the Reporters said to them. The Reporters wrote many columns, glorifying and praising Pete Carroll for all the things they had heard and seen.
blueglasshorse
1,000+ Posts
An army of alien spacecraft, which the pentagon has been tracking for weeks, has recently turned around and headed home. Apparently they watched the USC Fresno State game on satelite TV and concluded that an attack on earth would be futile as the humjan race could simply clone Reggie and Matt and create a super race that could not be defeated.
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