History Channel-USC v. Greatest armies in history

Unknown by most, Wendy's "Frosty" was named after USC DE Frost Rucker, whos chocolatee likeness came to him in a vision one night.
 
To My Dearest Mother:

I hope this letter finds you well and that you have fully recovered from your smallpox and influenza.

The most darndest of things occurred recently. As I was toiling in the fields for my master, the very last dragon on earth, the beast with two long horns, swooped into the village. Praise the heavens, that good Sir Bushalot happened to be passing through town after finding the holy grail. Upon seeing the dragon, Sir Bushalot declared:

“Mankind. That word should have new meaning for all of us today. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of January, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom. Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution. But from annihilation. And should we win the day, the Fourth of January will no longer be known as a Trojan holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: ‘We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight!’ We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!”

And with that Sir Bushalot slew the dragon with only one fireball from his eye and one bolt of lightning from his arse.

In celebration, Sir Bushalot ravaged every woman in town. Mother, he must be the most fertile of men, as every last woman is now pregnant with septuplets.

Word spread fast and within a few days we were blessed to have King Matthew the Lionheart visit our quaint village. Upon witnessing the dragon carcass, King Matthew rejoiced and ravaged every man in town, even Crazy Terrance the One-Legged Manure Eater.

Mother, I must go now and eat potatoes.

Your loving son.
 
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you didn't hear this from me, but in a secret, "backroom" deal to keep USC in control of the universe until the year 2312, it was decided that the U.S. will disband it's military. listen for donald rumsfeld's resignation and the start of a drawdown of our troops out of iraq, afghanistan, germany, guam, guantanamo bay, panama, etc. the mighty trojans of southern california will police the earth and protect us all.
 
The world was going to end 09/26/2003, but the Trojans defeated the anti-christ and the four horseman of the apocalypse

This was the day before USC' last loss (Cal in triple overtime) a valid excuse for the loss.
 
January 4th happens to be the anniversary of Pete Carroll's discovery of the famous equation:
MNC = ML x RB
History fondly remembers the month that Carroll spent formulating his great discovery. Actually, it only took him a day to make the discovery, the other 29 were spent dumbing it down to e=mc² so that, in his words, "total morons like Einstein can understand it." In the revised formula, the speed of light has to be squared to equal the the tremendous velocity that is Reggie Bush.
 
Fox just released a programming note: Tomorrow morning the Power Rangers show returns, but Zordon is replaced by Pete Carroll, and the six new Rangers are: Leinart, Bush, Smith, Jarrett, Byrd, and LenDale White.

It is reported that these men could conquer all evil and outer space as well.

Stay tuned for further information.
 
This just in: West Point has recalled all its copies of von Clausewitz and Sun Tzu and replaced them with Pete Carroll's USC playbook.
 
The supposed martians in the famous stunt "War of the Worlds" were really USC's offense
 
Reggie Bush and Matt Leinart only golf at night and use only short irons.

They find their unholy low scores to be somewhat embarassing.


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...OU sucks...
 
Remember the little Japanese guy that wins the New York hot dog eating championship every year?

Well, Reggie Bush de-throned him too. Long live Reggie Bush!
 
Congress passed a bill that will officially change the name of the US to the United States of Camerica and will rename the capital of every state Reggie Bush.
 
Reggie once completed a pass to himself in high school. Pete C. doesn't let him throw to himself at SC because he is always underthrowing himself.
 
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