Reggie Bush is working on converting human waste into nutritious, nurishing, unparishable, consumer friendly treats that can be readily available to third world countries to solve the world hunger crisis. Mark May has been hired to promote the cra...err... umm...... product and garner Reggie a possible humanitarian award.
History Channel-USC v. Greatest armies in history
- Thread starter Jive_Turkey
- Start date
LSU Brandon
First Time Poster
There is a recently discovered lost chapter in Sun Tzu's "The Art of War." It was titled "The USC Offense" . Also there was an appendix on "How to Defeat the USC Trojans"; it was full of blank pages.
SenateHorn
250+ Posts
This just in:
The document Sandy Burglar stole from the National Archive was the USC playbook. He was quoted as saying, "I just could not let such a powerful document get into the hands of the Bush Administration."
The document Sandy Burglar stole from the National Archive was the USC playbook. He was quoted as saying, "I just could not let such a powerful document get into the hands of the Bush Administration."
Brisketexan
1,000+ Posts
E = USC squared.
MissingInAction
100+ Posts
Mr. Chuckles
ESPN Analyst
Pete Carroll recently called Gen. Patton, Gen. MacArthur, and Audie Murphy "some of the biggest sissies in world history, they wouldn't even be tough enough to be waterboys on the USC team."
Carroll was hired by the country of Luxembourg this morning to devise a plan whereby they can take over the world. Pete put together the plan in 2 minutes while sitting on the toilet. A news conference will be held this afternoon to announce that Luxembourg has indeed taken over operation of all the other countries of the world. Earth will be renamed Carrolland.
Reggie Bush restored the eyesight and hearing and life to Helen Keller when he found out that all she wanted to do with her life was watch USC football.
Matt Leinhart has declared himself eligible for 10 more years of USC football because playing for the Trojans is more important than money to him. The NCAA is too afraid to take action and has decided to name USC the team of the next decade. All future NCAA football games will be played to determine who is the fourth best team in the country after USC's first, second, and third teams.
God called Pete Carroll this morning to ask him what kind of weather he wanted at his house. Pete replied, "Would you quit bugging me, I'll take care of it myself".
ESPN offered the Rose Bowl $1 billion for the exclusive rights to allow a camera crew to film Reggie Bush putting on his left shoe prior to the Rose Bowl game. They were promptly turned down.
Hook em
Carroll was hired by the country of Luxembourg this morning to devise a plan whereby they can take over the world. Pete put together the plan in 2 minutes while sitting on the toilet. A news conference will be held this afternoon to announce that Luxembourg has indeed taken over operation of all the other countries of the world. Earth will be renamed Carrolland.
Reggie Bush restored the eyesight and hearing and life to Helen Keller when he found out that all she wanted to do with her life was watch USC football.
Matt Leinhart has declared himself eligible for 10 more years of USC football because playing for the Trojans is more important than money to him. The NCAA is too afraid to take action and has decided to name USC the team of the next decade. All future NCAA football games will be played to determine who is the fourth best team in the country after USC's first, second, and third teams.
God called Pete Carroll this morning to ask him what kind of weather he wanted at his house. Pete replied, "Would you quit bugging me, I'll take care of it myself".
ESPN offered the Rose Bowl $1 billion for the exclusive rights to allow a camera crew to film Reggie Bush putting on his left shoe prior to the Rose Bowl game. They were promptly turned down.
Hook em
MissingInAction
100+ Posts
The Shroud of Turin is actually Reggie Bush's baby blanket.
szechuan sage
100+ Posts
After the discovery of previously undocumented manuscripts, it was revealed that Peter, Head of the Apostles, was in actuality Pete Carroll. Upon further study of the manuscripts, it was determined that Peter did not deny Jesus out of fear of punishment, but rather his knowledge that Reggie Bush was the true King.
hockeydude
< 25 Posts
After the government's latest monumental success in getting Richard Causey to plead guilty and testify against Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling, their attorneys complained that the former Enron executives were essentially "defenseless." But, no worry. According to latest reports, Pete Carroll is joining the Lay/Skilling defense team after the Rose Bowl. The defense is no longer requesting a delay for the trial, set to begin January 30, and in an unprecedented move has asked that the trial be moved forward to January 17th (as originally scheduled).
MissingInAction
100+ Posts
Reggie Bush would not approve of you soiling this thread with advertising spam.
LocoGringos
250+ Posts
mini van horn
< 25 Posts
Apparently there is a USC highlight video floating around. After you watch it, your phone will ring and a voice will say "seven days." You then have 7 days to a) become a kool-aid drinking USC fan AND b) show the video to another person.
If you fail to do both, you will be sent to sent to a "re-educatuion camp" for six weeks where you will have to watch ESPN 24/7 and learn to recite the Trojan Creed; OR be eaten alive by wild pigs. Choose the pigs. Trust me.
By the way, Isn't USC GGGGRRRREEEAAATTTT?
If you fail to do both, you will be sent to sent to a "re-educatuion camp" for six weeks where you will have to watch ESPN 24/7 and learn to recite the Trojan Creed; OR be eaten alive by wild pigs. Choose the pigs. Trust me.
By the way, Isn't USC GGGGRRRREEEAAATTTT?
Longhorn Jeff
< 25 Posts
Pete Carroll is such the chess player as well.
He defeated Deep Blue, Garry Kasparov and Bobby Fischer in back to back matches.
If Carroll can defeat Deep Blue, Kasparov, and Fischer in back to back matches, Brown, Chizik, Davis do not stand a chance.
We are doomed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He defeated Deep Blue, Garry Kasparov and Bobby Fischer in back to back matches.
If Carroll can defeat Deep Blue, Kasparov, and Fischer in back to back matches, Brown, Chizik, Davis do not stand a chance.
We are doomed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is a little known fact that when he was 4 years old, Reggie Bush was the double who did all of the sex scenes for Johnny "Wad" Holmes when he wasn't up to the task.
Reggie outgrew the role by the time he was 5 years old and he was afraid of being typecast, although he could not escape his nickname of "Traveller" during his elementary school days.
Hook em
Reggie outgrew the role by the time he was 5 years old and he was afraid of being typecast, although he could not escape his nickname of "Traveller" during his elementary school days.
Hook em
Also, there are no actual fans of any other team other than USC west of the Texas border. For example, there are no real fans of UCLA, Cal, Fresno State, Arizona, Washington, Oregon, etc. etc.
These poor unfortunate souls are merely USC fans that are temporarily sentenced to purgatory and forced to root for other lesser teams because they questioned any move made by Pete Carroll.
After a year in purgatory you can earn you way back to the USC stands if you give the appropriate praise to Pete, Reggie, Matt, or Mark May.
Hook em
These poor unfortunate souls are merely USC fans that are temporarily sentenced to purgatory and forced to root for other lesser teams because they questioned any move made by Pete Carroll.
After a year in purgatory you can earn you way back to the USC stands if you give the appropriate praise to Pete, Reggie, Matt, or Mark May.
Hook em
R
Roy4
Guest
Pete Carroll stopped working on his Rose Bowl game plan earlier today to draft a paper on the Unified Field Theory. He will present his paper in London in June of next year. Anyone who can't wait, he's instructed to watch the game on January 4th when his Trojans will hang a hundred on the Horns using the principles he will outline in his paper next June.
From leaked reports today , Carroll basically has determined how to throw a pass that is both a football and a wavelet of a football. To the DBs the ball in flight appears as it normally does, as a quantum in trajectory. But as the DB goes to break up the play, the football behaves like a wave and bends around the arms and body of the defender and comes only in contact with the USC receiver who alone -- under Coach Carroll-- knows the secret of the Unified Field Theory.
Carroll, being criticized for using advanced quantum physics to destroy another football team, says he's only trying to bring academics more into the game and feels it's good for the sport and for student-athletes.
He said the technique for throwing such a ball will not work in the NFL because the end zone celebrations that would ensue after a play might result in a player falling into a Black Hole. For several minutes after such a ball is thrown, there is this risk within a radius of 1,000 meters, but since such celebrations are off limits in college he's not worried about the risk.
Asked what if his USC players got into a celebration and something happened, Carroll said in that case Reggie Bush is able to go into a Black Hole and come back out, but he doesn't want anyone at home trying it. Bush uses an NCAA sanctioned Trojan device that protects him when he goes in and out of a hole.
From leaked reports today , Carroll basically has determined how to throw a pass that is both a football and a wavelet of a football. To the DBs the ball in flight appears as it normally does, as a quantum in trajectory. But as the DB goes to break up the play, the football behaves like a wave and bends around the arms and body of the defender and comes only in contact with the USC receiver who alone -- under Coach Carroll-- knows the secret of the Unified Field Theory.
Carroll, being criticized for using advanced quantum physics to destroy another football team, says he's only trying to bring academics more into the game and feels it's good for the sport and for student-athletes.
He said the technique for throwing such a ball will not work in the NFL because the end zone celebrations that would ensue after a play might result in a player falling into a Black Hole. For several minutes after such a ball is thrown, there is this risk within a radius of 1,000 meters, but since such celebrations are off limits in college he's not worried about the risk.
Asked what if his USC players got into a celebration and something happened, Carroll said in that case Reggie Bush is able to go into a Black Hole and come back out, but he doesn't want anyone at home trying it. Bush uses an NCAA sanctioned Trojan device that protects him when he goes in and out of a hole.
Everything in the above post is true except for the part about Pete Carroll stopping the work on his Rose Bowl game plan today.
Inside sources tell me that he finished his Rose Bowl game plan in October after we beat OU and he realized he would be playing Texas.
Mack Brown and Greg Davis ? No need to prepare a game plan for them. He has just told his guys to "run whatever plays you want to, try not to hurt any of their players and be humble when accepting the national championship trophy".
Pete Carroll, the best football coach ever but an even better man.
Hook em
Inside sources tell me that he finished his Rose Bowl game plan in October after we beat OU and he realized he would be playing Texas.
Mack Brown and Greg Davis ? No need to prepare a game plan for them. He has just told his guys to "run whatever plays you want to, try not to hurt any of their players and be humble when accepting the national championship trophy".
Pete Carroll, the best football coach ever but an even better man.
Hook em
hockeydude
< 25 Posts
Disregard
wearorange
100+ Posts
The USC sweater girls just burned Joan of Arc's bra at the stake.
Greatest College Football Coaches of All-Time:
1. Pete Carroll
2. Bob Stoopes
3. Mike Stoopes
4. Bear Bryant
5. Eddie Robinson
Fastest College Players of All Time:
1. Reggie Bush
2. Lendale White
3. Teddy Lehman
4. Bucky Richardson
5. Javorski Lane/Adrian Peterson (tie)
6. Bob Hayes
Best College Quarterbacks of All-Time:
1. Matt Leinhart
2. Matt Leinhart's Back-Up
3. Rhett Bomar
4. Bucky Richardson
5. Reggie McNeal
6. John Elway
Hook em
1. Pete Carroll
2. Bob Stoopes
3. Mike Stoopes
4. Bear Bryant
5. Eddie Robinson
Fastest College Players of All Time:
1. Reggie Bush
2. Lendale White
3. Teddy Lehman
4. Bucky Richardson
5. Javorski Lane/Adrian Peterson (tie)
6. Bob Hayes
Best College Quarterbacks of All-Time:
1. Matt Leinhart
2. Matt Leinhart's Back-Up
3. Rhett Bomar
4. Bucky Richardson
5. Reggie McNeal
6. John Elway
Hook em
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