History Channel-USC v. Greatest armies in history

Genghis Khan didn't lead the Mongols to conquer all of Asia, it was a retroactive reincarnation of Reggie Bush.

Further retroactive reincarnations of Reggie Bush are Kronos whose seed gave birth to Zeus, and Shiva the Destroyer of Worlds.

Kronos and Shiva career highlights to be shown on ESPN Classic at 7pm eastern, tonight. Quite the extraordinary Divinity-Career.
 
It is too bad that Pete Carol wasn't the coach of the 1980 US Hockey team or we might have had a chance against the Russians...
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Reggie Bush knows where Jimmy Hoffa is. He also stole all of Al Capone's millions in lightning speed. He was so fast Geraldo didn't see him.
 
Tom Smykowski did NOT come up with the idea for the "Jump to Conclusions Mat."

The Link

The Link

The US Patent Office lists patent holders as Carrol, Leinart, and Bush.

Two patent numbers preceding that one, is the patent for the "Pet Rock" also patented by Carrol, Leinhart, and Bush.


Mike Judge just got it all wrong, I guess.

Um, yeah.

But, it's common knowledge that Reggie ALWAYS puts the new cover sheet on his TPS reports.
 
"I know that one day Reggie Bush and I are gonna to get married on top of a mountain, and there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance till the sun rises! And then our children will form a family band! And we will tour the countryside and you won't be invited!"

-- Mark May, ESPN College Game Day.
 
The Bible is inaccurate, it wasn't David who killed Goliath but rather Reggie Bush. After killing Goliath with a slingshot, RB then single-handedly chased down and slaughtered the entire army of Philistines. But not wanting to draw further attention and hype to himself before the day when he would fulfill prophesy and win the Heisman, Reggie insisted that historians record the name of his good friend David in the Biblical annals instead.
 
A lot of people argue about whether it was Paul McCartney or John Lennon who was the walrus.

Reggie Bush was actually the walrus, he just doesn't say anything about it because on top of everything else, he's the World's Greatest Gentleman.
 
Had Pete Carrol been alive to come up with a defensive scheme against Hannibal, he never would have made it past the Po. And that's neglecting Reggie Bush, Leinart, Bing, Rucker, and Lua. Had those individuals also been present Chinese people would still be greeting one another saying "Salve."
 
USC would have been able to prevent the stock market crash back in 1929 had they known about it. Unfortunately it happened before USC developed its omnipotent powers.
 
Teddy Lehman is slower than USC's assistant equipment manager. Pete Carroll knew this would be the case, so he arranged for Teddy to be born in Oklahoma.
 
Reggie Bush traveled back in time and witnessed his own birth by running around the world against rotation at light speed several thousand times
 
My insurance rep has had a run of bad luck, lost his faith, and renounced Reggie Bush. He immediately turned into a vampire.
 
people think when the world ends, God will come down from his reign in heaven to fight Satan in the war to end all wars. The fact is that Reggie Bush sends God to take care of his light work.
 
As legend has it, Hernan Cortes was able to conquer the Aztecs because the Aztecs thought he was the reincarnation of the god Quetzalcoatl. However, archaeologists have recently uncovered documents from the ruins of Tenochtitlan that disprove this theory.

The documents show that it was actually Reggie Bush, not Cortes, who conquered the Aztecs with only a handful of offensive linemen there to aid him. Apparently, all the Aztec men died of complications from broken ankles. The injuries were suffered during their fruitless chase of the supremely elusive tailback/demigod. After the men had been immobilized, Reggie lowered his trousers, causing all the women (and the remaining men) of Tenochtitlan to become so excited that they died of heart attacks. Only Crazy Terrance the One-Legged Manure Eater survived after seeing this awesome sight. As a reward, his life was spared, and he was taken back to Spain where he was ravaged by Matt Leinart.

Part of the old legend has been proven true, however. The Aztecs did believe that Bush was the reincarnation of Quetzalcoatl due to the way Bush looked when he was lowering himself off his ship. I must say, it is easy to see why the Aztecs would think this based on the picture of Quetzalcoatl that was unearthed during the recent excavations. Take a look for yourself:




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We all know that Reggie is capable of striking that pose.
 
Consider what the movie The Ten Commandments would look like had it been Pete Carroll and the USC Trojans instead of Yul Brynner (Pharaoh) and his Egyptian army, considering the Trojans' much greater speed.

After the Israelites crossed thru the dry bed of the Red Sea, the sea water then collapsed on the Egyptian army (who was trying to catch the Israelites) and drowned their men and horses. Had it been the Trojans, what with all their speed, they would have made it across that sea bed, routed the Israelites ninety to nothing and then returned across the sea bed back to Egypt before Red Sea walls of water collapsed.

Of course, the movie would have to be named something other than The Ten Commandments because those commandments came after the Red Sea event.
 
TexasStew-

But if the Isrealites had Pete Carroll and Reggie Bush instead of Moses, then they would have been able to SCHEME their way out of the desert instead of wandering around for so long.
 
Vatican City -- The new pope Benedict XVI, who had so far largely shunned the limelight, announced a startling change to Church doctrine at the Vatican. For centuries, Catholics all over the world have spoken the Holy Rosary, which begins with the invocation: In nomine Patris,et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti, Amen.

Pope Benedict XVI is a recently converted fan of collegiate American football and announced yesterday that the new invocation would now read:

In nomine Pete Carroll, et Bush, et Matt Leinart, Amen.

The pope said he had a vision during USC's game against Notre Dame, that for the this new holy Trinity to defeat Notre Dame they must indeed be blessed by the Lord himself. He noted that after using the invocation for the first time, the nagging case of hemorrhoids which had been upsetting his bowel habits suddenly disappeared. Pope Benedict has now made plans to travel to China where he is hopeful that the new and improved invocation will avert another Avian Influenza pandemic.
 
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