Funny sayings of old time country folk

[Chop]

I’ve been to 3 circuses and a rodeo, but I have never seen anything like that.

Good one!

But have you been to the State Fair? The part where you can pay to see the "World's Smallest Horse", etc...




Barnum said there's a sucker born every minute, but in that segment of the State Fair, there's a sucker born every 10 seconds or so...

 

[Chop]

That boy eats so much, he must have a tapeworm.

 

[Chop]

I'm not just whistlin' Dixie.

 

[Chop]

Clyde: "Have you seen Floyd's fiance?"

Esma: "Yeah, I've seen her allright............She must be a good cook (or have a good personality)."

 

[SabreHorn]

Ladies, chauvinism coming:

She'd make a freight train take a dirt road

 

[mchammer]

Good one!

But have you been to the State Fair? The part where you can pay to see the "World's Smallest Horse", etc...




Barnum said there's a sucker born every minute, but in that segment of the State Fair, there's a sucker born every 10 seconds or so...

Yes, I forget that part. I had to update it.

 

[Horn6721]

nash
"Some" might say nothing changed.

 

[nashhorn]

nash
"Some" might say nothing changed.

Only those who know me.

 

[Vol Horn 4 Life]

Maybe it was just my grandma:

Go grab a switch off that tree.

For those that know.....you know....

 

[nashhorn]

Except my aunt, not grandma, would make me break off a switch - and sent me back if it was too little. True story.

 

[Vol Horn 4 Life]

Except my aunt, not grandma, would make me break off a switch - and sent me back if it was too little. True story.

One of my worst days ever was at my own house around Christmas. Apparently I did something she didn't like and I had to get a switch off our crab apple tree. If you don't know, crab apple trees have a million little knots on each limb and they are very flexible. I had marks on my rear end and legs for a couple weeks.

If we had more kids disciplined with switches maybe we'd have less of what's going on today in society.

 

[Chop]

We used every trick in the book to lessen the sting, including putting on 5-6 pairs of underwear and padding. Sometimes I’d get the choice—stay padded up and get a much harder spanking, or play it straight and get a normal spanking.

 

[nashhorn]

I can honestly say that’s funny Chop and mean it sincerely. I can’t even postulate how people would see that today - not funny I’m certain. Uh oh well guess I can postulate on it to a degree. And no way I’d try the padding, would only have been worse when they found out. I usually ran like heck.

 

[Vol Horn 4 Life]

We used every trick in the book to lessen the sting, including putting on 5-6 pairs of underwear and padding. Sometimes I’d get the choice—stay padded up and get a much harder spanking, or play it straight and get a normal spanking.

You had time to add padding?

 

[Chop]

You had time to add padding?

Yep. And it was so obvious to my parents. Hence the choice they gave me.

I had to endure the anticipation of a pending paddling. The feeling of dread leading up to it.

 

[nashhorn]

She (or he) had a tough row to hoe.

 

[WorsterMan]

Clyde: "Have you seen Floyd's fiance?"

Esma: "Yeah, I've seen her allright............She must be a good cook (or have a good personality)."

Reminds me of conversations in college / after college with buddies or with another woman regarding a blind date prospect:

Friend: Hey Worster, my girlfriend has a roommate and we want to fix you up with her.

Me: Great, what does she look like?

Friend replies could any one of these or a combination of several:

"Worster, she has a great personality and is a great dancer!"
"Worster, she is cute in her own way!"
"Worster, she's fun, all the girls love her!"
"Worster, she's smart and very sweet!"

.... Red Flag goes up. Of course my follow up question would be: OK, good, but what does she look like?

 

[WorsterMan]

Yep. And it was so obvious to my parents. Hence the choice they gave me.

I had to endure the anticipation of a pending paddling. The feeling of dread leading up to it.

"This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you"

 

[WorsterMan]

Perhaps others said it but I never heard it growing up. When I was raising my young sons and there was a decision / discipline situation for them, I would often say to them:

"Well, we can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way. What is your choice?"

Often my oldest son would say: "Dad, I hate it when you say that!"

 

[WorsterMan]

That girl could eat watermelon through a picket fence.

 

[WorsterMan]

Not sure if someone else posted this one already:

She looks like she was rode hard and put up wet!

 

[nashhorn]

Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

 

[WorsterMan]

We used every trick in the book to lessen the sting, including putting on 5-6 pairs of underwear and padding. Sometimes I’d get the choice—stay padded up and get a much harder spanking, or play it straight and get a normal spanking.

Chop, I suspect you must have gotten spanked by your parents a great deal !!!

 

[Chop]

"This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you"

I always knew that one was a lie.

Eventually, I would respond: “Ok, then don’t hurt either of us!”

 

[Vino Bevo]

She's got that melancholy look about her - head like a melon, face like a collie.

 

[Sangre Naranjada]

She's got that melancholy look about her - head like a melon, face like a collie.

Destined to marry a corp turd then.

 

[WorsterMan]

In Jr. High, my mouth got me in trouble many times (I know, hard to imagine) and I got sent to the Asst. Principals office for some "correction" and unwanted discipline.

Interesting story about our Asst. Principal for another thread, but he was a strapping 6'4" 225 lbs. and could really swing a fiberglass paddle.

What me and friends dreaded hearing him say was:

"bend over and grab the desk in front of you"

Then BOOM! x 2 - usually you got 2 very serious licks. All of us got tears in our eyes and went away very rattled!

 

[WorsterMan]

Maybe it was just my grandma:

Go grab a switch off that tree.

For those that know.....you know....

Some years ago I remember someone telling me about a time when they were told to go grab a switch off a tree. They did and when they returned the mother, father or grandma stated the switch was far too small. Adult went out and got a much larger switch and proceeded with harsh punishment!

 

[WorsterMan]

Cat got yer tongue?

She was dressed to kill.

Straight from the horse's mouth.

 

[Chop]

Don't crap in your own backyard.