I have no issue with any of this. It's all good.
I totally understand this. If someone who claims to be a Christian tortures you unjustly, I can see why that would make you less than thrilled with Christianity, especially if she does that torturing in the name of Christianity as she does. Experiences absolutely do matter.
A few points to consider though. First, was your faith based on your ex-wife? I'm sure your initial thought is, "of course it wasn't based on my ex-wife." You might even be offended at even being asked the question, but really think about it. Lots of people abandon their faith when they find out some pastor did something terrible. (See Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggert, Robert Tilton, etc.) How many Catholics have left Christianity over the sex abuse scandals? Plenty. Well, those people's faith was predicated on their personal expectations of a fellow human being whether they admit it or not.
By the way, I'm not saying this to look down upon those who abandoned their faith over the acts of other people. That isn't unreasonable, and frankly, it makes plenty of sense. However, my suggestion to them (and perhaps to you) is to reach for a faith that's based not on people but on a personal relationship with Christ - the one thing that never errs. Your ex-wife may have claimed to be very pious, but at her core, she is fallen person bound to err.
Second, have you considered the possibility that your ex-wife is full of crap? That might seem like a no-brainer, but I don't just mean that she's crazy and mistreating you and your kids. I mean that perhaps she's corrupted and/or deceived and acting against the wishes of God rather than in alignment with them as she claims. It's easy to play righteous and invoke God in a divorce as she obviously is, but she isn't the final authority. I'm not going to ask you to justify or explain why you sought a divorce. That's none of my business, but there are biblically sound reasons to seek a divorce. I just don't see you as the kind of guy to divorce for weak reasons.
If her former pastor has counseled her to accept the divorce rather than trying to encourage you to stay with her, that suggests to me that he thinks the divorce is morally justified. So no, I don't think you're going to burn in hell for divorcing her. However, let's assume for the sake of discussion that your divorce was unbiblical. That would make you guilty of a sin (like all of us). It wouldn't make you guilty of an unforgivable sin.
As for promising never to attend a church again, that's your prerogative. However, let me give you my rationale for why I attend. It's not a favor to my pastor or God. They don't need my time, my attendance, or my money. Frankly, I attend for my own benefit. It keeps me tethered to God and helps me to keep my own life in perspective. I'm not one of these people who seeks a church that affirms my beliefs or my lifestyle. That's a waste of time. Who the hell am I to presume to be the authority of what's right for me? I may seem like a "good guy" and try to be that, but I'm a sinner who's full of wickedness despite my efforts. Therefore, so long as it's biblical, I want a church to challenge me and even make me uncomfortable at times. That's how I become a better man.
So before committing never to attend church again, just consider the possibility that church attendance might actually help if you find the right one. Will you go to hell if you don't attend? No, but I wouldn't close my mind to it.
