Dear Coach Fran

dear coach fran,

during the baylor game i peed on your swiss cake rolls. you ate them anyway. just thought you should know.

your boss,

revellie
 
Dear Coach Fran,

After years of utter disgust and embarrasment I have been elected as the one who should pose this question to you. Sir, the scoreboard is making us sick, can we please turn over? With all due respect coach... how can you people pamper us our entire lives and then torture us after we die?

Sincerely,
The Dead Reveilles
 
Dear Fran:

In case you haven't noticed, we think we are now a basketball school.
tongue.gif
.

Very sincerely, your friend and fellow ag
Billy Clyde

P.S. You can have tellus for football full time. He sucks at BB
 
Dear Fran Fran,

Seeing how you are having a rough time these days, how 'bout coming out to my place and enjoying some of my sheep before yell practice? Sheep and yell practice always makes us aggys feel better about our miserable lot.

Whoop,
Mr Pooh slinger & Mrs List-eater
 
Dear Coach Fran,

Enclosed is a check for $17.33

This is the money you saved Oklahoma University by consenting to a running clock. By running the clock we were able to turn the stadium lights off 30 minutes earlier than scheduled and save thousands of kilowatt hours. Your environmental thinking is a testament to your progressive university and we hope you continue to spread these ideas to other coaches in the Big 12. We hope you and your team enjoyed your visit to Norman and remember to continue to hold the rope.

Sincerely,
The Oklahoma University Board of Regents
 
Dear Coach Fran;

We are so proud of you, we have elected to honor you with a lifetime membership in our organization. You are an inspiration to all our members. Keep up the outstanding work!
Sincerely, A.N. Other
President, Moral Victory Association
 
Dear Sir:

I have been requested by the Big XII to contact you for assistance in resolving a matter. The Big XII has recently concluded a large number of contracts for telivised football games. The contracts have immediately produced moneys equalling US$40,000,000. The Big XII is desirous of telivised football games in other parts of the world, however, because of certain regulations of the NCAA, it is unable to move these funds to another region.

You assistance is requested as a non-factor in football to assist the Big XII, and also the Central Bank of Nigeria, in moving these funds out of Nigeria. If the funds can be transferred to your name, in your United States account, then you can forward the funds as directed by the Big XII. In exchange for your accomodating services, the Nigerian National Petroleum Company would agree to allow you to retain 10%, or US$4 million of this amount.

However, to be a legitimate transferee of these moneys according to Nigerian law, you must presently be a depositor of at least US$100,000 in a Nigerian bank which is regulated by the Central Bank of Nigeria.

If it will be possible for you to assist us, we would be most grateful. We suggest that you meet with us in person in Lagos, and that during your visit I introduce you to the representatives of the Big XII, as well as with certain officials of the Central Bank of Nigeria.

Please call me at your earliest convenience at [Phone Number]. Time is of the essence in this matter; very quickly the Nigerian Government will realize that the Central Bank is maintaining this amount on deposit, and attempt to levy certain depository taxes on it.

Yours truly, etc.

Ben Ahore
 
Dear Coach Fran,

As the team you consider to be your rival no longer considers you to be one, would you please be ours?

Baylor
 
Dear Coach Fran,

I don't know what to do. I'm lonely. You procured me several years ago for The Fighting Texas Aggies to use and then you put me in this drafty musty old warehouse and forgot me. The Fighting Texas Aggies have never had a chance to use me. Please use me, I yearn to have Fighting Texas Aggies inside me, I crave it, I want it so badly that it is driving me crazy. I must have Fighting Texas Aggies inside me!!! NOW!!

I would do anything to have Fighting Texas Aggies inside me. I could do so much for them while they were inside me. They would ENJOY being inside me. Think how much better they would play after being inside me! They might actually have a winning season if they were inside me before every game. You would be a hero if you let them inside me.

And yet you spurn me!

It's those damned snack cakes isn't it?

BLOW ME





















UP and USE ME!!!
PLEEEEEEAAAASEEEEE!!!!

Your Friend,
Acme MK 4 Giant Run Thru Inflato-Tunnel and Helmet with Custom Strobe Lights and Smoke Generator, color Maroon.
 
Dear Fran,

We are overworked as it is and you hire Gary Darnell and Bill Clay to resurect the rectum crew? Thanks a lot.

Sincerely,
Scoreboard operators at Tech, OU and UT
 
Dear Fran,

Thank you for giving me the popularity and respect I truly deserve in College Station. In many places such as Austin, Columbus, and Athens, I am ignored, many times forgotten. You have given me a home in College Station and I am gratefull for it.

Yours Truly,

Next Year
 
Dear Fran,

You seem to have given your fans a hope that I might come and visit. But now that I have seen your work, I doubt I will make it to College Station for a long time. However, I do like the state of Texas. I think I will stay in Austin.

Sincerley,

A National Championship
 
Dear Coach Fran,

There was no error on Little Debbies' last snack cake shipment...





I ate them all,

"J-Lane"


(Tell that ***** if she doesn't hurry up with the next shipment I'll eat her too
mad.gif
)
 
Dear Coach Fran,

The 12th Man Foundation and I are a little bit concerned. We know you have a proven reputation of reviving big time programs and restoring them to their former national prominence and glory. Please make sure that this is that year. After looking at our season ticket numbers, I'm slightly worried there might not be a 12th man, or a single man for that matter, in Kyle Field to come to the Fightin' Texas Aggies rescue.

Best,
Bill Byrne
Texas A&M Athletic Director
 
Dear Coach Fran:
Please at least try and be competitive this season - the rumor mill here in the Southeast is really starting to **** up my recruiting efforts, no matter how assinine the prospect of me leaving for a step down.

Signed,
Tommy T.
 
Dear Coach Fran,
Keep fighting the good fight. Perseverance is the name of the game, and we'd love to see you persevere at Texas A&M for a long, long time to come.

Sincerely,
Mack Brown, Mike Leach, Bob Stoops, Mike Gundy, Guy Morriss

p.s. We can now tell you how many licks it takes to get to the center of a toosie roll toosie pop. Just in case you've been wondering.
 
Dear Coach Fran,
I am pleading for you to bring me back. During the last 3 years I go unused for months at a time while my arch enemy "hook em" is used by almost every team in the nation including all of our players and fans.

Signed,
the gig em thumb
 
Coach Fran,
If I make 2 million, pay 35% in taxes and give away $1 million, I am still a millionare right? Seriously, this is important, I am trying to buy a house.

Regards,

Coach Fran
 
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