For those of you clicking on this post expecting another magnificent PhxHorn opus, I'm sorry to disappoint. My name is Shane Kidwell, and I post as SL Xpress. PhxHorn is my father.
As most of you know by now, my father passed away --- on Tuesday morning specifically.
The title of my post is a play on one of my favorite posts of my father's, his "Adios" post. Dad said he was leaving the bulletin boards for reasons I found a bit melodramatic. It was my favorite, because I constantly made fun of him for it. Of course, the outcry persuaded him that maybe he wouldn't leave after all. Unfortunately, no such outcry will bring him back this time.
It seems appropriate to put this post up on Christmas Day, since he absolutely hated the holiday season, and I’ve always looked for ways to tweak him a bit.
I should throw in a sprinkling of references to women with low moral fiber, data points, and an excruciatingly detailed statistical analysis, but those aren’t my usual style, and frankly I feel even less creative at this moment than is my usual. However, I encourage some of the better writers on the board to throw out their best satirical attempts if they so desire.
Just to give everyone a little history, while always a follower of college football, Dad was never really a Longhorn fan until he entered undergraduate school at Austin in the early 60s. After a stint in the Air Force, he returned to earn his MBA.
He loved UT, and felt grateful for all the opportunities his education provided him. He gave generously to the business school, but it was UT football that earned his greatest passion.
He brainwashed me when I was a wee helpless child, so unlike him I really had no choice in terms of affiliation.
As I grew we engaged in interminable conversations regarding the Longhorns chances in the upcoming season, quantifying how difficult each opponent might be, dissecting strengths and weaknesses of the team, and speculating as to exactly when Barry Switzer would reveal himself to be the Anti Christ and lead his hordes in the Apocalypse. All before I reached the age of 10.
As in all such relationships, we had our share of ups and downs as Father-Son, but we always had the bond of Longhorn football to draw upon even during the worst of times.
I remember in 1996 telling him about the GoBig12 site, also known as Hookem.com, or Austin360. Affiliated with the Austin American Statesman, it was the first widely used bulletin board for Big 12 college football fans. I remember the Nebraska and Texas A&M boards being particularly active, but it was the Longhorn part of the site that generally drew the most traffic.
One of the things Dad and I remarked to each other often in those early years was how the conversations on the bulletin board echoed our lifelong exchanges. To paraphrase Dad, “I didn’t know there were any other sick fucks like us out there. Some of these guys may actually be worse. I love it!”
After a few months of lurking, Dad made his first post. I wish I had saved it, but I didn’t foresee the type of icon he would quickly become. To me, he simply posted the same kinds of thoughts, analyses, idioms, and expressions he had shared with me throughout my life. But to the folks on the bulletin board, he was a refreshing contrast to anything else they had ever read, in any format.
In Dad’s rise to the pinnacle of his profession, there simply wasn’t the opportunity to attend many games, but with the advent of his retirement, his newly available leisure time was significantly dedicated to UT football. He attended spring and fall practices, as well as all the home games. He developed contacts through the Internet, turned his keen analytical eye towards the program, and fortunately for us, shared his thoughts in his unique, inimical way.
In all honesty, Dad found traveling to the games a big hassle. As anyone who knew him can tell you, Dad’s personality wasn’t suited for tolerating inconvenience. However, by that time we had formed such powerful relationships with the people with whom we had interacted online, that Dad relished the opportunity to renew those acquaintances with his regular visits to the Austin area --- even while continually grumbling to me regarding the hassles of the travel industry, and Austin’s apparent personal grievance against him as demonstrated by the lack of synched traffic lights downtown and the continuous closing down of the street in front of his hotel for a myriad of obscure fundraising events involving weirdo fitness freaks.
As any of us know, trying to describe the power of the relationships we’ve formed through this medium is impossible for anyone who is not a part of it. Even now, I’m having difficulty communicating to my family how powerful Dad’s presence was on Internet, or the kind of impact he had on the people who participated therein. I think they’re going to be a tad shocked with the representation of Longhorn fans at the funeral.
I treasure the last 7 years with my father. Our relationship bloomed with the opportunity to attend the games together, as well as our shared love for our friends we discovered through this forum. As anyone who saw us together can attest, I recently lost not only my father, but truly my very best friend, and I’m not sure how in the hell I’m supposed to fill the void that I now carry with me.
Since neither my father nor I were ones for maudlin posts or sentimental expressions, I request you keep any condolences on this thread to a minimum. I’m fortunate enough to be surrounded by many supportive people, including a significant representation from among the most active participants on this board. Their phone calls and words of love and friendship mean a great deal to me. This thread though, is not in my opinion an appropriate place for it. There appear to be other threads that can fill that function adequately.
However, I do enjoy reading about any kind of impact, big or small, positive or negative, that my Dad’s posts --- or his presence if you happened to have had an opportunity to meet him --- might have had on you.
He was the most fascinating person I’ve ever known, or will likely ever know in the future. I say that not only because he was my Dad, because I would have thought that if our familial relationship had never existed, and there are plenty of others without such that agree with me.
For all of us who were touched by him in some way, we consider ourselves fortunate having had him in our lives. For those of you who were never able to know him on any level, you missed out on a great great great man.
Your thoughts?