jedi

H

HenryGandorf

250+ Posts
watching rotj on the cinemax marathon thing they're doing. the ewoks are pretty pointless, but the baby ones are pretty damn cute. i'll take them every day over the crap in the prequels.
 
the ewoks are one of the greatest fighting forces ever assembled.

in the original movies, we are led to believe that the emperor and his apprentice, darth vader, are two of the biggest badasses in the galaxy. they kill all the jedi, take the republic by force, and basically impose martial law. the emperor rules with an iron fist, destroying anyone who gets in his way. his storm troopers, meant to mirror the sa storm troopers of nazi germany, are the executors of this law. they carry state-of-the art weaponry, and are highly trained. they are able to place blast points precisely, so as to disable large armored desert vehicles, and they have no qualms about torturing and killing innocent people in order to obtain information.

in the prequels, we learn that the storm troopers also had a hand in destroying the jedi. we know that the jedi are total badasses, like wizard ninjas crossed with michael jordan and clint eastwood. but the storm troopers take them out pretty efficiently. never mind that we also learn in the prequels that darth vader is a huge *****.

anyway, in return of the jedi, the storm troopers, who are supposed to be the ultimate fighting force, get their asses kicked by the ewoks. despite the fact that the ewoks have the athletic ability of midgets, and are fighting with sticks and rocks against the superior storm trooper technology, they manage to kill or capture every storm trooper, while 5'2" luke skywalker is on the death star, exposing darth vader for the ***** that he is, in a fight that was rendered meaningless when the death star was destroyed, and the emperor and vader would have been killed anyway.
 
if I ever see an ewok i'll kick it in the ******* neck.....
 
evilcoach2.jpg
 
The problem TPE is that the bad *** storm troopers (remember, as the Emporer said, these were not just stormtroopers but a legion of his best troops!) had gotten lazy. After they killed the Jedi and took over the Republic, they idn't ahve much of a challange left. The rebellion is a nuicense, nothing more. They're like those rebels down in Mexico. About once every year or two you hear about them, but they never really accomplish anything. The Death Star I would have wasted their ***, but Luke had an epiphany and got off a lucky shot. Otherwise, the rebellion is blow into a new asteroid belt.

So they got fat and lazy, and the ewoks took advantage of it.

Come on, it all makes sense.
 
Yeah, the sum total of Darth Vader's "bad ***" resume is pretty weak after 6 episodes. Basically he has 4 bouts with trained opponents (Tyranus I, Tyranus II, Obi Wan I & Obi Wan II), and has a stunning record of 1-2-1 (Obi Wan II was fixed). He has two duels against non-trained opponents (Luke I & Luke II), and split them 1-1. He can claim three quality opponent victories in his lifetime record, but two were by sucker-punch (Windu & Sidious). The rest of his stats are padded with wins over sandpeople and children. Honestly, it is almost like he peaked out at 6 years old by blowing up a trade federation blockade ship, and then coasted for the next 30 years.

Most overrated "champ" in history.
 
Yes, it would have been good to really see him going medeval on their asses in the Temple, or hunting down the other Jedi fugatives afterwards, to cement his legacy.

Instead we go some 'tragic' love story ending.

On a side note, my fiancee confided to me on Saturday that she prefers NT over the OT because the special effects are better. I wasn't sure if I should ask for the ring back then or wait until a little closer to the wedding for maxium crushage effect.
 
watching "a new hope" last night reminded me of the family guy scene:

sand people frighten easily, but they'll be back, and in greater numbers.

good, we could use the numbers for the harmony.

oh, no, it'll sound great.
 
Clone troopers are not the same as storm troopers. The first generation clone troopers were awesome, but they were gone by the time the ewoks fought. It is uncertain wether the storm troopers were even clones at all, maybe just conscripts.

Commander Cody and his battalion would have crushed the ewoks.

P.S. my 4.5 year-old is a star wars freak and has demanded answers of the apparent inconsistencies. I do my best to make plausible **** up.
 
okay, i promise you that they weren't taking new dna from jango every time they wanted to produce a new line of clones. they had his dna sequenced completely before they even got started. i'm also certain that they had a machine capable of producing a strand of dna by simply entering the sequence. i'm sure they had the procedure down pat for years. there would be no other efficient way to clone humans or anything similar.

with our current technology, we can make some pretty decent sequences from scratch.

my theory... after wiping out the jedi, the emperor wanted to cut costs, so he fired the expert cloners with the long necks, and hired a bunch of aggy. they started trying to clone jackie sherrill and tate pittman, and the result was the storm troopers that got worked by the ewoks.
 
the aggy theory does have legs.

In the book for episode II (not sure about the movie) they make it clear that for each batch (which is something like 200k) they go diretly to jango for the DNA.

Of course, maybe it was an aggy inputing the DNA sequence into the computer.
 
i stayed up until early in the morning watching episodes 3-5 last night on CinemaxHD. seen em all several times, but just couldn't bring myself to turn it off.
 
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