I should have stayed for the 'B' game...

What do they say about "part of a comprehensive program?" You'd have to let her know you were unhappy... somehow. Kids do care what their parents think. May not seem like it, but it's true...
 
Not having kids I can certainly change my mind but I just can't ever imagine telling them to wrap it up. It just seems like condoning something that I don't believe in. I understand the sentiment and certainly am open to the idea that I'd change my mind, but I just can't see giving that speech. it would seem to me that it goes against any and all speeches you give about abstinence or the importance of waiting for the right person. Anyone else have this thought or dilemna and how did you resolve it.
 
Wulaw-- Hope I didn't sound too harsh in the first response I gave-- but I guess I did, so-- on that note-- sorry bout that.

However, you have to admitt that your teenage attitude towards sex is far from typical. Do you think you could speak to anything that happened to you/ was modeled for you that helped you develop that way of thinking? I'm curious to know so that I can do that for my own kids someday.

As it is, I work in a high school. These kids think about sex CONSTANTLY. I think a lot of kids put on the "love" blinders to give themselves the excuse to have sex.

Another think-- I doubt anyone who's posted here thinks it's healthy for teenagers to have sex. But, it seems like many people understand that, healthy or not, a lot of kids do it anyway.

Oh, and Ldylnghrn-- I'd suggest that you talk to your son about what his sex life might look like should he and his girl break up. A lot of kids I've known seem to think that, once they've lost their virginity, sex is no big deal. They've done it, why make a big deal out of it? It's that attitude that gets kids into big trouble!!!
 
What exactly is wrong with having sex as a teenager if you are respectful to your partner and take precautions? (Which typically does not mean that you will **** like rabbits.) I enjoyed sex as a teenager and have enjoyed sex in my 4 subsequent decades.

Frankly, lying is not necessarily bad either. Certainly in the broad sense of the word, Ldylnghrn lied to her son's gf's mom. But I think it was the correct decision.

But sex and lying can also both be very bad depending on the situation. For example, if sex involves cheating on a spouse or even a gf, then it should be condemned because it is very hurtful to the spouse.

In this case, the teenagers appear to be very respectful of each other and my guess is that they will take the necessary precautions.

My guess is that they will both look back very fondly 30 years from now on the sex they have together. To the credit of the parents, they will also likely have very positive sexual relationships moving forward in their lives.

The key is to teach your kids to respect others in life whether in the bedroom or the boardroom.
 
I don't know what to say Smurfette exactly about the modeling but here goes

My parents probably had the birds and bees (IE where babies come from) talk with me when I was 6 years old. They told me sex was a great thing, it was a lot of fun and it was something you did when you were married.

Fast forward 6 or 7 years to 13 or so when people first started dating and they told me I wasn't allowed to date until I got older (like 16 or so). They certainly didn't glorify dating or talk about how adorable like some parents do.

I was raised in a christian household and made that decision for myself around the start of my teenage years, we talked about the aspects of sex and a godly life and god's plan for me.

I guess the thing is that I did buy into the idea of dating being marriage training. I was always reasoned with as a kid (I never accepted b/c I said so from my parents) but if they explained a reason to me for a rule and I felt like it made sense then I followed it without any problems.

This might sound permissive or harsh but I don't think it was. They eliminated some rules for me if they didn't make sense or couldn't come up with a good justification or rationalization.

Now, I'm not going to lie and say that sex has always been a simple thing for me in my life. There are some personal issues with my wife that I'm not currently at liberty to really share over the internet but long story short, I've never one single time regretted not having sex.

But, if you aren't going to do it that way then I think you should have sex indiscriminently. That takes all emotion and thinking and specialness out of it.


Thought exercize: Would you rather be with a partner that had sex hundreds of times indiscriminantly (provided they are clean) and said they chose you for love or would you rather be with someone that only had sex 5 times but every time was with someone special and you could tell that they gave away a piece of their life and heart to all their sexual partners?

I'd take #1 over #2 but maybe I'm weird that way.
 
BTW-

I didn't take offense at all. I know my viewpoint is probably different then most on this and I am almost impossible to defend.

Your suppostion was sort of right I suppose- by not dating in HS the choice wasn't particularly stark. Now, if I'd have wanted to date I think I could have easily enough found a willing partner but it's not like at 17 I ever found myself naked with someone that wanted to screw me and had to say no. Now, I expereinced that at 19 and 20 and 21 and said no but not in HS.
 
Not to be a bummer, but I'd be willing to bet they've been having sex for quite a while, not for the first time or one of the first times that night. Taking a shower together indicates a level of intimacy and comfort with each other that, for teenagers, just isn't present right from the start of a sexual relationship. Just sayin'.
 
From a May 2003 article in the Journal of Marriage and Family:

“It is interesting to note the number of women in
Teachman’s sample who experienced premarital sex with multiple partners, rather than
just with their husbands. It is this experience of multiple sexual relationships that
Teachman finds to be associated with an increased risk of divorce."
 
"associated with divorce..."

I bet the same could be said of men that had sexual relations with women other than their wives being "associated" with a higher risk of divorce.

in other words I doubt the multiple partners being a factor in the success or failure of a marraige is limited to either sex.
 
Summer, I'm sure you are correct. The context of the article was more about women and how they are effected by divorce.
 
I did a little research on teachman and found some more recent findings more related to cohabitation. His focus seems to be more on women from what I quickly gleaned from his research. Women who cohabitated with their future husbands had NO increased risk of divorce. While those who had cohabitated with a partner other than their future husband had a higher divorce rate. The reverse situation for males was not addressed. Anyhow sort of a shift in research over the years from the assumptions and findings regarding "shacking up" from 10 years ago.
 
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