I should have stayed for the 'B' game...

Yeah-- the amount of sex going on has been a shocker for me, starting to teach high school this year.

The thing I'm finding is that kids really want to talk about sex. They KNOW they should use a condom. They KNOW about STDs. The KNOW about pregnancy. The just don't THINK about it.

In high school, you truly believe it "just won't happen to you."

When they have someone to talk to, they will. Desperately want to talk about it, but they don't have anyone to talk to because they're scared.
 
I don't agree that "teenagers are going to have sex there is nothing you can do to stop them."

I, my brother and a couple of my cousins were all virgins "by choice" into our 20's. I've never slept with anyone other than my wife nor has my brother.

If you mean that absent teaching and instructions and the teen themselves buying in then they are going to have sex and you can't stop them then I agree fully. NO rules/ regs or threat of discipline can stop someone that wants to have sex from having sex- that decision has to be made by that person and it probably has to be modeled that way.

It's a good thing for your son that you caught him as opposed to the girls father. Just one more amongst many reasons I want a son instead of a daughter. As my friend with a couple girs approaching puberty said with a son you have to worry about 1 penis with daughter every penis in the school.

Or, think of the difference in worry between your son telling you he's going to Mardi Gras vs your daughter. One makes you jealous the other petrified.
 
wulaw-- Jeez..... Be honest. At 16, you WOULD have had sex if you had the chance. Maybe by the time you were into your 20's you were "waiting by choice", but at 16??? Did you grow up Amish?

I grew up under a major iron thumb, but still found ways to get into all kinds of trouble.
 
Some people are able to resist at that age. I agree with Wulaw on that. I rejected various offers starting at age 13 through 16 with different girls.

But I find it untenable to blame those that can't resist. I couldn't resist any longer at 17 with my future wife. I know exactly how difficult it is and I try to remember what that felt like and will still try to remember even when it's my daughters and my son. The rational and moral centers of the brain may try to stay in control, but they don't always win. It's basically like involuntarily getting completely hammered. Teenagers don't ask for the hormones to start taking over. They have no choice.
 
I have three out of HS two boys 18 and a daughter 20.

Speaking as someone who has made every parental mistake in the book including the same ones my parents made that I swore I never would.

This situation was handled about as good as it possibly could.

Anyone thinks that they can "make" or "prevent" kids do or not do anything is very naive. All you can do is point them the right way and hope for the best.

Some of my more memorable teenage experiences involved the young ladies of my First Baptist Church whose parents would have bet their lives that their precious daughters did nothing for them to be ashamed of.
 
It was your son, right? I would have given him a high-five.

If it was my daughter, then that would've been a different story.
 
I'm still wondering how the girl's parents responded when you told them.
 
sounds like you handled it very well. i wouldnt beat yourself up about not telling her mom. im thinking there was a nice positive outcome from this episode with her and her mom confiding, and you opening up the door to more open communication with your son and his girlfriend. sounds like a happy ending to me. glad to hear you still managed to enjoy yourself at band of heathens show. maybe we will run into each other there some day. if its good enough for elvis and patsy cline, its good enough for me.
 
Assuming God actually said that, Hayden nailed it. People got married in their early teen years back then. There was no societal and job market expectation to complete something called high school or an undergraduate degree in order to be able to support a family. A 16-year-old boy, like Ldy's son, was fully capable of supporting a family and any children that might result from his having sex.

It's not God or God's creation that has changed, it is humans that have changed society and therefore taken away the ability of teenagers to responsibly have sex. Hell, kids aren't even legally allowed to get married at that age now. Ancient Israelites frequently married shortly after the onset of puberty. Even as late as the middle ages, 75% of 19-year-olds were married.
 
You handled it very well, like unbelievably well. I couldnt imagine having that conversation you had with your son.

My Mom would have gone exorcist on me for sure... strict Catholic upbringing.

As for the getting married young thing, it was very active up until the 1920's for sure.

My grandmother was 14 when she married my grandfather (the war might have had something to do with that). No one thought it was dirty, she had a kid at 16, and stayed married for 64 years, until my Grandfather died.

Even crazier is my Great-Grandmother was THIRTEEN when she got married in 1924 (he was 18), and had my grandmother just before she turned 15. Again, no issues, stayed married until her husband died and she lived on, finally passing when I was 28.

Today, both of my forefathers (who were still alive and active into my lifetime) would be locked up for 5-10 years for statutory rape.
 
I'm sorry I was not meaning to in any way criticize the OP and I hope it didn't come out that way. I was just saying that I don't know that i particularly agree with the idea that it is inevitable that your teenager will be sexually active. I don't really buy that at all.

As for me, no I was not in a relationship in high school. Maybe I'm weird but I always thought that the idea of dating was to find a potential mate, I never really liked the idea of something to hang out and do. I always had more fun with my friends hanging out as it was more likely that I share interests like sports and movies with them then with a high school girl.

As I knew that no such relationship was likely to develop into anything I wasn't really interested.

I turned down sex numerous times in college and a couple in law school b/c I just didn't see it going anywhere. Of course, I haven't dated much as I never saw the point (outside of looking for a mate) but maybe that's where the dichotomy comes in and maybe that's a different thread (how do you see dating- what's the point of it). I'd imagine that damn near 100% of the people that say it's for fun or excitement or entertainment are sexually active inside those relationships. And that's not a knock, that just wasn't my perspective. The same way I don't go out and nail my secretary is the same way that you can keep it in your pants at 17. Maybe it's a little bit harder then but it's certainly still possible.


As to the talk about how we used to get married a hell of a lot sooner that is a point I've thought about many a time. I think a big part of the sexual tension happened with the victorians as people started to wait until late 20's and early 30's many times to get married. That's really against nature and biology (and possibly God's will for the theologically inclined). I don't think God created us to be torn apart by our bodies and biology and hormones so we probably got it wrong waiting for so long and not having sex (with a spouse) at 14.

That being said, I still happen to think that it is so special and important that I would certainly encourage waiting until married and doing only sex with your spouse.

Interestingly enough, I think the next best approach would be if not to do that then to go out and bang everything that walks and will have you as long as you wrap it up. Less chance then of confusing a physical attraction with an emotional one.

I don't know anything more than anyone else on this thread and am certainly not trying to set myself up as having the sole truth. I'm truly sorry if it came out that way.
 
I think the OP handled it all very well, including her conversation with the gf's Mom.

Have you thought what might have happened if you DID stay for the "B" game? What if those two decided to go round 2 in the shower and didn't take the time to use a condom? You could have just as easily been a Grandmother-to-be if you had stayed for the B game. I'm sure you would prefer walking in on them over that outcome.

Kudos on your parental skills.
 
Screw all that, you should have stripped down and hopped in the shower with them like it was no big deal. No way they have sex again after that.
 
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