Things your pets know

[Upgrayedd]

This two- or three-year-old setter showed up at our house when I was a kid and we adopted her and named her Bridget.

About two weeks after she came to us, I was sitting at home alone, and the doorbell rang. I go to the door, and there was Bridget sitting there. That first time, II thought for sure it was one of my friends pulling my leg, but then it kept happening over and over and it dawned us that she just knew how to ring the doorbell.

I don't remember her being that smart or remarkable in any other way.

My grandparents had a bulldog that had a kind of **** list of things he would attack on sight all his life. He hated cameras (because of the flash) and umbrellas, because somebody opened one in his face. There were a few other things I can't remember.

 

[MaduroUTMB]

Our dog is 16, and despite generally good health, he has been in "something's wrong" mode for a few days now. I miss the little demon.

Frito is a dachshund/Karen terrier mix. He is best described as a crafty, manipulative and greedy teddy-bear. He is amoral- his actions are decided by the likelihood of being caught. His athletic prowess has declined over the years, but he has adapted. Frito responds to commands at his leisure.

Frito knows that when the humans prepare food among other humans, they are easily distracted. Once, when I was 11 or 12, I stood at the kitchen island with a hot dog in a bun in my hand. I looked away to grab a bottle of mustard. I turned back to find that I was only holding a hot dog bun. I looked down to see Frito FINISH INHALING the hot dog. This occurred in the space of 3 seconds.

Frito also knew that when the humans left for school, they were in a hurry. This often caused them to leave unfinished food on the table. As the humans left, he looked pitiful, and we hated to leave him. Then, one day, mom forgot her keys. She walked back in the house to find the dog not only emotionally recovered, but also on the table, finishing our breakfast. Frito knew that while he could not directly leap onto the table (he could get his head over the edge to snap off carelessly placed items), he could leap onto a chair and then onto the table.

Frito knew that humans watching movies while eating were not on guard against attack. Once, while eating pizza and watching some movie, the dog stalked a pizza for the better part of an hour. Every time a human looked at him, he was totally engrossed in the screen (dogs can't appreciate TV, but Frito knew that we were unaware of this). Every time the humans looked away, he inched closer. He got within a foot of the pizza before someone realized that the dog had started across the room and had traveled about 15 feet without being noticed.

Frito knew when rats took up residence a hole in the wall. If he stands by the wall for more than 5 minutes now, my mom calls an exterminator.

Frito knew that a 60 year old water tower on a back road in deep East Texas was actually part of a secret plot to destroy the world, and barked accordingly. We never did figure out what the deal was with that thing.

Frito knew when we wanted to leave. He loved to look out the window, and he had to stand on your lap to do this. He had some freaking talons on his back feet.

Frito knew that acting sad would get a pardon for pretty much anything.

Frito knew that the huge, evil rott-lab mix ("Boo") two houses down the col-de-sac was trouble and that he needed to protect us from it. One day, I went outside to get him back in the house, and he decided that now was as good a time as any to protect the hell out of me. So Frito breaks off across the col-de-sac (~100 yards from our house to their back yard, only a radio-collar fence) to kill/bark at/maim/??? Boo. I see what's happening, and I break off after him. Young Frito was fast. He runs inside the radio fence and proceeds to yap at the death machine. I catch up as Boo is pondering a lunge at Frito's head, aim a kick at the demon, grab my dog, aim another kick at the hell hound and run. Frito bit me in an effort to get loose and meet the fate that I was rescuing him from, which leads us to...

Frito knows that gratitude won't get you any more than you already got, and that humans are forgetful enough to make preemptive schmoozing pointless.

Frito knows that the vet is a diabolical man who delights in tormenting all manner of creatures.

Frito knows that most other dogs would benefit from a good humping.

Frito knew that devouring a rotting Thanksgiving turkey from the neighbors' trash all in one sitting was foolish. Therefore, he drug it into our backyard and stashed it in the bushes beneath my bedroom window (I was the only one who slept on the first floor, so I got this dubious honor).

Frito knew that being mean to people under the age of 10 would get you into monster trouble, so he is always nice to babies. I assume that he did this for his own self-preservation rather than out of any sort of conscience, since that's why he did everything else.

Frito learned that incontinence is a powerful ally. Now, when he wants to go out, he knows that he is one turd on the carpet away from unlimited access to the outdoors.

Frito has come to understand that ice cubes are better than dog treats.

Frito knows that dirt and grass will cure basically any illness.

Frito knows that in spite of his overwhelming shortcomings as a pet and animal, we love him. There have been occasions where Frito was more certain of this than we were.

 

[Hornin Hong Kong]

great post - frito rules.

 

[DallasCowpoke]

"That that flashing box-thingy, hurts my eyes!!!"

From the one on the R in pic:

"The black dude's **** is recyclable. Especially if it's 2-3 pm, and dinner's not till 6."

[image]http://imgs.inkfrog.com/pix/boldtalk/gusgoob_jersey.png[/image]

 

[jmrob93]

My lab knows when I get out of bed to assume her spot next to my wife--even if I wake up to pee at 2 am

when my wife puts on tennis shoes--its time for a walk

when she see's us in dress clothes--its time to jump in to pool and run to shake on us

 

[kmac30]

great thread.

10 pm = go to bed, regardless of what everyone else is doing
5:20 am = wake up and walk around the house, regardless of what everyone else is doing
hear jingle of collar = walk, run back and forth across the rug so they can't put the leash on
white car pulls up = mom home, bark, whine, and lick the glass on the door (i swear they're psychic, usually start barking a couple minutes before she pulls in)

"dog food" = eat
post eat = poop
post poop = run inside for dog bone