Texas vs. KSU ( Warning Explicit Levity Used)

[NBHorn7]

That's right there will be explicit raw levity in this thread. Naked humor before your very eyes.

This may not be for the squeamish, but is necessary to maintain sanity in this most pivotal contest. Fellow UT grads of a certain vintage and you know who you are or at least some of you still do. Just close your eyes and remember those
April 1's spent at the 40 acres reading the latest issue of
"The Deadly Texan." This may help some with this game thread.

Once upon a time at a UT baseball game long ago a fellow Texas grad who may post on this very Baseball Forum told me something like this.

"Boy I say boy if I ever win the lottery I am going to buy a radio station and just turn you loose on it."

Well today may be as close as we come to that scenario.

Good afternoon Longhorn baseball fan and that one person (aggy) that somehow navigates to this site and then can't escape.

Hank Hill voice, "Dang it, this mouse ain't right!"

Today in the final game of the Big 12 regular season and last game for KSU of the season we have Texas vs. KSU in Manhattan, the Little Caramel Apple or something like that.

In their great wisdom Fox Sports 1 is broadcasting this game nationally to an audience of tens at least. They thought the defending Big 12 Champs and favorite to repeat would have this great game against marquee baseball school Texas. It might even be for the title.

Well surprise, surprise, surprise, and shazaam ESPN knock off channel. Your getting last place KSU vs. fifth place Texas in a game that neither could care less about in reality.

This game has all the ratings potential of those Andy Griffith Show reruns your local ABC affiliate shows on Sunday afternoon in the fall against NFL games.

You know the ones watched by Ma and Pa Kettle up in the Ozarks after church while Sunday dinner is cooking.
"Better get in here Ma there a showin the one where the goat eats the dynamite and Barney has to play his mouth organ to calm that critter down. "I'm a comin Pa, just let me turn down the dumplings because that's a good un."

Erin Andrews in a G-string and garter belts couldn't save this hot mess, but it couldn't hurt.

KSU is going nowhere after today and has no pitching on Sundays. Besides they won their "bowl game last night on Senior Day.

Texas is stuck in fifth place no matter the outcome. Now you know that Augie is going to tell Moreland on the pregame show that Texas will focus on this game like "Bill in Sinton."
That they will use this game as a "teachable moment" to help prepare for the Conference Tournament.

Well with all due respect coach I would just like to say that is utter Bullcrap! This game has all the depth and meaning of Kim
Kardashian. Kanye would tell Fox Sports 1, "I am going to let you finish broadcasting this game, but you know there is a better SEC game on one of them ESPN channels.

So lets give this game all the respect and gravitas it deserves which is basically none beyond Payton keeping his on base streak going.

It has the feeling of a beer league slow pitch softball game about it and a crowd to match.

Speaking of which if any of you yahoos think this thread is influenced by alcohol then as ole Sheriff Andy would say,
"That cuts me, cuts me real deep."

I set here in this very dry county and the only bottle of alcohol in the house is of the 70% Isopropyl variety. We do have some Adam's Vanilla Extract on hand, but that stuff would make you throw up before it put a dent in your sobriety.

So let gets this show started shall we.


The Link


I also found what today's game will probably look like and answers the Kevin Dunn question of why I call Nathan Thornhill's change up a "Bugs Bunny change up.


The Link



So as former Veep candidate Admiral Stockdale asked in the Veep debate, "Why am I here." Well the season isn't over till it's over. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? No, of course not. It's not over till the Fat Lady in
the seventh row full of Sunday steak and taters starts
singing in Manhattan or Craig Way signs off after breaking down every minute detail of this vital game.

So in my best Vin Sculley imitation "Why don't you pull up a chair and join me for a few hours or at least till hopefully the ten run rule kicks in won' t ya."

 

[NBHorn7]

Freshman right hander Jake Fromson at 2-1 and an era of 3.07 starts this deal for KSU because somebody has to.

Junior right hander Parker French starts for Texas at 5-4 and 2.27 because he didn't stay sick long enough.

So this sort of game starts as KSU wears camo jerseys because they would rather be getting ready for duck season.

Marlow steps in against Fromson and fouls off a bunch of pitches to make this last as long as possible.
He K"s swinging and the catcher decides to finally pick the ball up and complete the play to first for one away.

Johnson bats and grounds out to second quickly to try to offset Marlow for two away.

Payton bats with two down.
The count goes full to lengthen the game and then a grounder goes off the first baseman't glove for an error and Mark goes to second as the ball dies in right field.

So no streak extension there and then inning goes on with Barrera up.
Payton steals third as Kansas State could care less.
I'm not sure they even noticed.
Barrera singles through the left side and Payton scores and off we go.

Texas leads 1-0.

Carter bats with a man on first and two down.
He singles by the second baseman into center to put two on.

Hinojosa bats with two on and two down.
He K's swinging to retire the side.

Texas leads 1-0 to the bottom of the first.

 

[NBHorn7]

Ross Kivett leads off and plays second base against right hander Parker French in the KSU first.

Let's keep this moving if at all possible Parker. I mean don't we have a plane to catch or something and a time limit.

Kivett bats right handed and grounds to third for one away.

Clayton Dalrymple, or maybe Dalrymplestillskin play left and bats right because he can.
He flies out to left to keep this moving and two away.

Austin Fisher, the shortstop bats lefty with two down.
He walks and that slows the pace again.
Yay, highlights of last night's abortion of a game. You can stop that anytime Fox.

Brown bats with two down and one on.
He hits him and that puts two on.

French needs to get the influenza ball working and end this crap in the first.
Santigate bats left handed and if you believe the KSU announcers last night is his left arm and hand are tied on with some bailing wire.
He walks to load the bases.

Great a long first inning continues and made longer by Skip coming out to the mound for some tv time I guess.

Blair Debord, the catcher bats with two down and the bases loaded.
He sucks as a hitter according to the announcers, but sucks a little less with the bases loaded.

A comebacker to French proves this and ends the inning.

One played and only eight more maybe to go and Texas leads 1-0.

 

[NBHorn7]

Fromson meanders back out to the mound to face Shaw in the second.

He flies out to left for one away.

Clemens up next grounds back up the middle and the shortstop decides to make this play and there are two down.

Gurwitz bats with two down.
He flairs one to right that the right fielder dives and catches as the announcer calls Gurwitz a "towhead."

That ends the frame in order and to the bottom of two it's 1-0 Horns.

 

[NBHorn7]

French back out in the second faces Taylor Anderson the right fielder.

He walks him to lead off as French sees the plate going viral right now it seems.

Alex Bee, the DH bats lety and drives one to the gap in left center to the wall and it scores a run on the double.

Game tied at 1-1 and French looks still kind of sick.

Lance Miles plays third and bats righty with a runner at second and no outs.

A grounder to short and Hinojosa goes the third and throws the ball away for an error. Not what a struggling French needed.

Runners on the corners for the top of the order Kivett.
He rolls one to third and the throw comes home and gets the runner easily for one away.

Dalrymple bats with runners at first and second and one down.
So French plunks him to load the bases and this fun.

Fisher bats lefty with one down and the bases loaded.
Here comes Skip Again and the bullpen gets up finally.
He leaves.

Fisher hits a a squirrelly looking ground ball on the left side that goes by Gurwitz as a run scores and the bases stay loaded.

KSU leads 2-1.

Brown bats as the announcers continue on about what people hit with the bases loaded.
The count goes full of course and he walks in a run.

Here comes Skip to get French and what a good idea to pitch him today for no reason.

KSU leads now 3-1 as this game may last for days and cost millions of lives or at least brain cells.

 

[NBHorn7]

Right hander Lukas Schiraldi is the new pitcher and he should have started. He may not pitch well, but he still should have started.

Ok, the new pitcher was Cooper and not Schiraldi as they are not paying attention either. I just kept typing and didn't look.

Schiraldi still should have started.

He faces Santigate with one out and the bases still loaded.
He can't check his swing and has some nice words for the ump as he departs for two away.

DeBord bats with two down and the bases loaded like last time when the announcers talked of his stats in this situation. He made the third out last time and does the same again with a fly ball to center.
He still can't hit it seems.

But KSU scores three and puts French back into the sick bay and leads 3-1 after two very long innings.

 

[NBHorn7]

Fromson faces the top of the order in the third.

That means Marlow up and his ground ball goes off the third baseman like a pinball, but he retreive and throws him out for one away.

Johnson up continues to make quick outs by flying to left for two down.

Payton up again tries to extend his on base streak, but pops up to short to retire the side in order. It's Texas that looks like it has a plane to catch and maybe they do.

Bottom of three and KSU leads 3-1.

 

[NBHorn7]

Cooper starts his first whole inning of work by facing Anderson and he pops up to third for one away.

Bee is up and busy again with a hit to center for a single.

Miles grounds to short and with the runner on the move Hinojosa fields and goes to second for some reason and the throw is late and the relay is also late.

The fielder's choice puts two on.

Kivett bats at the top of the order and K's swinging for two outs.

Two on and two down for Dalrymple.
He grounds to short and this time the throw to second is just in time for the 6-4 force to retire the side.

Three played and KSU leads 3-1.

 

[NBHorn7]

Fromson faces Barrera as the fourth begins.

He belts one high and deep to center that clears the fence for a homer to make it 3-2.

Carter up and he walks to reach.

Hinojosaa bats and here comes micro ball most likely.
He squares on the first pitch, but on the second he singles to left and I approve of that at bat.

Two on for Shaw and now and no outs and out comes the KSU coach to say try to do better your all I got.

Shaw is going to bunt or Augie is in the bathroom.
He bunts through it and Carter is caught off second, but the alert catcher throws to second and lets him go to third.

Runners now on the corners and Shaw is hit by a pitch to load the bases.

This game has ugly written all over it as expected.

Clemens up and he grounds into a 6-4-3 double play as the run scores to tie the game.
That was ugly in a different kind of way.

Gurwitz bats with a man at second and suddenly two down.
A fly ball to center retires the side.

Texas gets two runs and ties the game at 3-3 to the bottom of four.

 

[NBHorn7]

Cooper, I say Morgan Cooper starts the KSU fourth against Fisher.

He bats lefty and K's swinging as Cooper has brought some sanity back to the game.

One away for Brown and he walks to put a man on.

Santigate bats with one down.
So much for sanity and Texas tries to pitch out and Cooper throws a strike and the batter hits it where Hinojosa left to cover second. By the way the runner wasn't moving from first.

Baseball is a funny game made even funnier when you play it this way.

The batter moved to second on the throw to third.

DeBord bats with the bases not loaded finally, just two on.
He lines to short and the throw to second in low and Marlow comes up with it and tags the runner to complete the double play to retire the side.

This game gets curiouser and curiouser and is tied 3-3 after four.

 

[NBHorn7]

Marlow leads off the fifth against Fromson and singles up the middle for a lead runner.

Johnson bunts him over to second with one away.

Payton up trying to give Texas the lead and extend his on base streak still.
The count runs full as always with him it seems.
A ground ball to second is two down as Marlow goes to third.
It would about par for the course if Payton's streak was broken in a crappy game like this one.

Barrera up and he grounds to third to retire the side.

Halfway through the final game of the regular season tied at 3-3.

 

[NBHorn7]

Cooper faces Anderson as the KSU fifth starts.

He takes a fast ball right down the heart of the plate for one away.

Bee, who has stung the horns for two hits today is up from the left side.
This time he fists a pop to Gurwitz for two away.

Miles bats with two down.
He K's swinging to retire the side in order.

Five played and the game is tied at 3-3.

 

[NBHorn7]

Fromson still in faces Carter in the sixth.

He K's swinging and suddenly the pitching looks like Clemens vs Ryan in days gone by.

Hinjosa pops up to short for two away.

Shaw bats with two down.
He lines a single to left on a hop.

Clemens bats with two down and one on.
I remember when we used to run in these situations.
Shaw does go as Clemens grounds behind the shortstop going to the bag to cover. He gets back and knocks it down.
It's an infield hit to put two on.

That brings out the coach and change is coming.
As in a pitching change.

 

[NBHorn7]

Another freshman is Ethan Landon a right hander.

He faces Gurwitz with runners at first and second.
He takes a high fast ball deep and into the trees beyond the left field fence.

The three run bomb makes it 6-3 and this looks more like a staff that has been run ruled the last two Sundays.

The top of the order is Marlow with two down.
He drives one to the gap in right center to the wall for a double.

Johnson bats with two down and one on.
He bloops one to the first baseman in shallow right to retire the side.

Texas takes the lead on the Gurwitz homer 6-3 to the bottom of the sixth.

 

[NBHorn7]

Cooper works on against the top of the KSU order in the sixth.

Kivett steps in right handed against Cooper.
He sends a ball to the gap and he legs it into a double.

Dalrymple bats with one on and Kivett at second.

The game is halted as Shaw destroys a show on the play and comes in for a pit stop and new rubber.
Just another odd occurence in this game.

Dalrymple back in right handed.
A fly ball goes to the newly shod Shaw.
Say that fast three times.

Kivett tags and goes to third.
Then on an appeal they say Kivett left early and it's a 9-5-4 double play for two down.

The coach is displeased and comes out to argue and things are still weird and this is not even Austin, but the heartland.

Fisher bats with now two down.
He grounds out to second to retire the side.

Six strange innnings played in Kansas and Texas leads 6-3.

 

[FWHORN]

How do I know that I am a sick sick person, i am following along and actually care about the outcome, i try to tell myself I dont, that I gave up on this team three lost conference series ago, but I just keep coming back for more. So keep them updates coming NB.

 

[NBHorn7]

Payton leads off against the new pitcher Levi Mahorvis, who pitched yesterday.

He grounds out to second and we are at critical mass for extending the streak now.

One down for Barrera who grounds to third for a 5-3 second out.

Carter chops a ball to third and a wide throw is caught and Carter knocks the ball loose from the first baseman's tag attempt for an error.

Hinojosa bats with two down.
Carter is off and steals second.

KSU now wants interfence on Hinojosa on the steal to no avail.
Carter is sent back to first as they say time had been called.
More strange happenings.

Hinojosa lines a drive down the left field foul line into the corner and Carter scores from first on the double to make it 7-3.

Clemens bats with two down and flies to left to retire the side.

Texas tacks on one more and they lead 7-3 at stretch time.

 

[NBHorn7]

Cooper faces Brown as the KSU seventh is here.

He lines a drive to the gap in left and legs out a double.

Santigate bats with one on and no outs.

Now we learn that there was interference on Hinojosa's backswing and that is why Carter was sent back to first.

A fly ball goes to left for one away.

DeBord sends a soft fly to center for two away.

Anderson bats with two down and one on at second.
A single goes to right and Shaw comes up throwing, but the it gets away from Barrera and the run scores.

Anderson advanced to second on the throw home.

It's 7-4 and out comes Skip, but he leaves him in.
Cooper has got to be running out of gas with this extended appearance and having worked Friday.

Bee bats with a runner at second and two away.
A big overhand curve is a called strike three to retire the side.

Seven iinnings gone by slowly, very slowly it seems and Texas leads 7-4.

 

[NBHorn7]

If your sick FW what does that make me. At least I did a proper opening for this game or whatever it is.

 

[NBHorn7]

Gurwitz leads off against the new KSU pitcher right hander Nick Griep.

He K's swinging at a pitch in the dirt and the 2-3 put out is one away.

The top of the order is Marlow with one down.
He walks for a base runner.

Johnson bats with one down and one on.
A high pop foul behind the plate is caught by the catcher for two down.

Here comes Payton and this could be it for his on base streak.
Ok, announcers an error does not keep the streak alive.
We have been through this before.
Marlow is picked off and the first baseman drops the throw as he goes to second and that saves Payton for now.

They are going to walk Payton intentionally and that does extend the streak to 91.

Get a clue idiot announcers who know nothing of the ways of baseball.

Barrera bats with two on and two down.
Dave Barnett who does pro games and former Baylor player Pat Combs don't know this. Hey Fox I am available and I can speak and not just type

Barrera K's looking to retire the side.

Bottom of the eighth comes and Texas leads 7-4.

 

[accuratehorn]

So you don't think Kim Kardashian has depth?

 

[accuratehorn]

I'm thinking we won't be run ruling the Wildcats today.

 

[NBHorn7]

Now the announcers get clued in on the streak extension rules.

Cooper is out again in the eighth and faces Miles.

He singles to left for a lead runner.

The top of the order is Kivett with a man on.

A line single to right puts two on and Cooper is gassed I think.

I guess Curtis is not available, maybe Hollingsworth.

Dalrymple is the tying run with no outs.
He bunts and Cooper goes to third and the runner is called out as it looked like Gurwitz was off the bag and then applied the tag.

A strange game keeps being strange and now out comes Skip and that is all for Cooper finally.

Why was Dalrymple batting in the two hole sac bunting anyway in the eighth inning down three?

Ty Culbreth is the new Horn hurler a lefty facing left handed hitting Fisher.

He drives one to deep center and he almost turned the wrong way, but got back to make the catch and avoid disaster.

Two away for Brown with two on.
A full count is reached before he walks to load the bases.
This is dangerous as Texas is out of pitching.

Santigate bats lefty though against lefty Culbreth with the bases loaded and two down.
Another full count and the merry-go-round starts.
A single to right scores two to make it 7-6 and I have scene this picture before.

Runners on the corners with two down for right handed hitter DeBord who has been a rally killer all day and keeps batting with multiple base runners on.

A single to center ties the game at 7-7 and pitchers that have not been relied on all year in this situation are failing at it.

Anderson bats righty with two down and two on.

A fly ball to center finally gets Texas out of the inning.

So eight innings gone and we are back tied at 7-7.

 

[NBHorn7]

I think she has width and certain assets.

 

[NBHorn7]

Carter leads off the ninth for Texas against Griep.

He singles to center to put the lead runner on.

Hinojosa bunts back to the pitcher and he goes to second for a 1-6 force and out one.

Shaw bats with one down and one on.
Hinojosa goes and is gunned down at second.

Two away now as the inning is falling apart.
So naturally Shaw singles to center now.

Clemens bats with two down and one on as a typical KSU fan wants a double play for the elusive four out inning.
He walks and that puts two aboard.

Gurwitz bats with two away and two on and needs a clutch hit to put Texas back to the lead.

The coach comes out and there is noone in the bullpen because they have nobody left.

He walks on four pitches to load the bases.

Marlow brings the top of the order once more with two down.

A high fly ball goes to center and is caught at the track to retire the side.

This game makes my brain hurt and now I have to hope it goes to extra inning.

Bottom of the ninth tied at 7-7.

 

[FWHORN]

Why does this game seem to be a microcosm of whole season, slow start, great run about midway in and a collapse at the end.

 

[NBHorn7]

Tanner Devinny pinch hits as the ninth starts against Culbreth.

A full count and then he walks to put the winning run on.

Miles will no doubt be bunting and Meyer comes in to pinch run at first.
He gets it down and the winning run is at second with two down.
Kivett up and I would put him on.
They are going to do just that.

Dalrymple bats with two on and one down.
He walks on four pitches to load the bases.

Why don't they bring Duke in?
Culbreth is just aiming pitches.

Fisher, who won the game last night can do it again today.
He grounds into a 4-6-3 double play to retire the side and keep this atrocity going.

We go to the tenth tied at 7-7

 

[accuratehorn]

It's agonizing to listen to this game. Bad baseball.

 

[NBHorn7]

This is exactly what you want with the Tournament coming in midweek.

A totally meaningless extra inning game.

Johnson leads off the tenth and a long fly ball to left is another homer to make it 8-7.

Griep or Creep or whatever is still pitching for KSU.

Payton bats and yes he did extend his streak.

A liner goes to right and is caught for one away.

Barrera bats with one away.
He drives another long drive to left and another homer to make it 9-7.

Here comes the coach and they did find another pitcher because he is coming in.

 

[accuratehorn]

The new pitcher drills Madison Carter between the numbers, and Carter is mad. He is escorted to first base by the umpire, then promptly steals second "with attitude."
All we need to cap this masterpiece is a game ending brawl.