The expansion of NATO and the EU is seen as "natural progress" to the west. However, that is just not how Russians see it and I think we are severely misplaying our Russian foreign policy.
If the US were actually Deezestan (the hypothetical nation in which I am benevolent dictator), NATO wouldn't have expanded as far east. I would have incorporated Poland, the Czech Republic, Slovakia, Hungary, and Slovenia - the countries that border the Cold War NATO countries and Austria, with the exception of Greece and Turkey. I wouldn't have incorporated former Soviet republics or pushed the alliance as far into Southeastern Europe to try to surround the Black Sea. I would have treated the other countries like Sweden - favorably and cooperatively but without incorporation into the security guarantee.
However, the fact that NATO and these countries didn't do what I would have done doesn't justify aggressive action.
Part of the problem is we are perceiving 21st century Russians as 20th century Soviets and Putin as Hitler.
No, we don't. If we did, the military presence in Europe would be comparable to what it was during the Soviet era. It's about one-fifth the size. We're treating Putin with caution. There is a military buildup happening, but it's small. We're not going to Soviet-era levels. We're not going to half the Soviet-era levels. We might be going to one-fourth. That's not a "**** bricks and annex Crimea" level.
Russians were very pro West until we bombed Belgrade. I do not believe they ultimately want an empire or war anymore. Putin is a bad person and a gangster, but I think he is more concerned with personal wealth than world domination.
They were pro-West long after we bombed Belgrade (another action I wouldn't have done). They became anti-West because they got pumped with a lot of a lot of anti-Western propaganda in a state-controlled press driven by politics and because those who take issue with that narrative got suppressed or killed.
He is doing what he was elected to do and "stand up to the west."
It's bigger than that. He got elected to rebuild the economy, get rid of the crooks and traitors, and restore national pride. Standing up to the West became part of that agenda. He isn't like Hitler, but in that sense he was elected on a similar platform.
Hypocritically supporting an undemocratic coup in the Ukraine puts us on the path of creating an aggressive Russia run by a despot that we fear. Our support for the overthrow of the Ukrainian government can only be perceived by Russia as the west valuing a pro EU, anti Russia Ukraine more than a democratic Ukraine.
Everybody was interfering in Ukraine. Nobody should have been.
This is where you are wrong. Russia has historically been invaded over and over (by more than just Napoleon or Hitler). The Russians do fear invasion and want a buffer zone around themselves.
Yes, I know Russia has been invaded from the West, but the countries that did that have been fundamentally transformed politically, socially, military, etc. The dynamics are radically different, and yes, Putin knows that. Germany isn't going to invade Russia again. Neither is France. Putin knows it and doesn't fear either one. Putin fears those countries like the US fears Indian tribes.
The wants of the Ukraine do not trump the need to get Russia and its vast nuclear arsenal on board with the west.
How's that working out? Ukraine isn't in the EU, and Russia already interferes there. I'm not pro-EU. You know that from Brexit discussions. However, the institution formerly known as the European Coal and Steel Community and the European Economic Community is first and foremost about economic integration, not security. In fact the security element of the EU exists to diminish the US role in Europe. Again, I don't like the EU, but if Ukraine joined the EU, it wouldn't be a security threat to Russia. And Putin knows this.