My GF screamed at me b/c... *DELETED*

Why did you feel the need to lie rather than have it out like adults at the outset? I find that to be the most disturbing aspect.
 
Frankly, after "discussing it" more than a dozen times, I was sick of discussing it every night, and twice decided to avoid the conversation altogether.

I have yet to meet the person who is 100% honest about everything, even trivial matters such as "Does my butt look big in this dress?"

What it boils down to for me is... When is screaming at someone acceptable (in a relationship you intend to stay in)? I can't think of anything and that's pretty much what I told her and the end of the conversation.

Thanks everyone for posting.
 
You may have been a little wrong for being deceptive about the time, but as you say she was continually making a big deal about it and you didn't want to rehash the same complaints again. Understandable. Her screaming, on the other hand, is completely unacceptable. No adult should engage in screaming to resolve a disagreement. Screaming is what children do, and when I see adults in any environment (job, relationship, sports, etc...) scream at someone else, I immediately lose all respect for them. I know popular culture thinks there is something healthy about "expressing your emotions" instead of keeping them bottled up, but a healthy expression of emotion doesn't mean screaming. Adults should talk things through. The second a woman screamed at me, no matter how in the wrong I was, I would end it.
 
F the "lying" part. She brow beat you into it. What a selfish biatch to whine about you getting up early more than once.

My mother is kind of like this. The kind of person that MAKES you lie to them. They don't change. Get out. I've told my mother MANY times that if I weren't related to her, we wouldn't be friends.

She's done a million nice things for me over the years and they haven't gone unnoticed. But she MAKES people lie to her just to avoid the whipping of an experience that would come if you didn't lie to her. She even knows that she's done it too, but she kind of uses it is backup. She likes having that you lied to her in her back pocket in case she wants to use it.

Bang this girl a little while longer and then get rid of her. This point in time is not the time to allow a selfish chica to affect your production at work. You need your job a hell of a lot more than you need her.

hookem.gif
 
A) Why the hell are you getting up so early?

B) Don't lie

C) Run!!!!

This reminds me of years ago when I was in that stage of the relationship with my x-wife.

Trust me (I Am from the internet after all) ... RUN!
 
People will treat you how you let them treat you. If you let her get her way through sex or pouting or whatever, then it's your fault. Trust me on this, it won't get better. It may stay the same or (likely) get worse but it will not get better.

Yes, there are people in this world that force you to lie to them. Mrs. Deadhorse's father is on of these people. We do some fairly normal and responsible things but they might not be normal or responsible as he sees them. It's far easier to lie about it or hide it than it is to tell him and deal with the lecturing.
 
Run like Forrest.
Based on her reaction to something this small, she will continue to blow up when things don't go her way.
Not a good sign at handling/resolving conflict.
 
Dude you are the one that ****** up by 1) not shooting straight with her 2) allowing yourself to be lead around by the privates.

I understand her point of view as well, she doesn't want to lose that hour or so of sleep every night. So you figure out how to work around it one way or another. Your lie was so stupid as to lead me to believe that you wanted to get caught and have the confrontation because you didn't want to start the confrontation directly to begin with.

Isn't boding well for the relationship, expecially if you can;t tell her "I need to get up and be gone early, how do we deal with it?" You dealt with it by being willing to do dmn near anything she wanted on the hopes of sex. If you are not getting sex an average of once a day in the dating period... then why have a live in girlfriend? I am being honest here, heck when I was in the "blissful pationate stage" it was probably at least a 1.5 a day average (with a lot of time put in on weekends). Sex was used ot make me miss class by some of my girlfriend so I could spend more time with them for example... "oops too late to go to class now..." Work is different, and if you can;t be honest with her up front and be able to discuss a potential problem honestly and openly the relationship is doomed.

Of course I have only been married like 23 years so WTF do i know...
 
Napoleon.....my thoughts exactly. The lie may not have been acceptable, but the truth was not going to make this girl happy either. It is impossible to win a no-win situation and that is what she created. I won't say that it is enough to dump this girl, but it should definitly raise a red flag about her.
 
Some of you should sticks to dogs or male roommates, because you aren't going to find the indentured servant woman you seek.
 
I know why you lied. You did it to avoid conflict, because that is something i would have done and still do from time to time. Don't be afraid of conflict. Tell her how you feel in a cordial manner but don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.
 
i might be crazy, but what kind of alarm do you have? my wife wakes up a couple hours before i do and i rarely hear her alarm clock, she even hits the snooze a couple times.

and are you living with this girl? or she just stays over a lot? i've only been married a little over a year, and we never lived together. she stayed at my house a few times a week. if she would have pulled this, we wouldn't be married now.
 
Saying people never yell in a relationship-- or should never-- is silly. Sometimes people over-react. If you end every relationship you're in b/c the person you're with was tired/pmsing/stressed or whatever and yelled at you, you're going to be alone. It happens.

Having a relationship with someone means learning to live with their quirks. LHF68 can tell you that one of my biggest pet peeves is being woken up in the ~5 minutes when I'm falling asleep but haven't really gotten there yet. If I get woken up during those first few minutes, I can't go back to sleep for hours-- and the Smurf without sleep is not pretty.

Anyway... learning about and learning to live with the little things that piss your sig other off is part of making a relationship work.
 
Well, this thread seems to have taken several twists and turns. I guess since it is Quack's we can discuss several topics on one thread.

With due respect to Mrs. Smurfy et al, screaming/yelling is *not* to be expected as "acceptable" in a relationship. I imagine it has to with one's family of origin. I have had numerous relationships in my day, and only one has involved a "screamer"... and I don't mean that in the good way. When a person yells at me my mind goes blank, as if I'd been sucker punched. In fact I think screaming at a person is verbal *abuse* which, while perhaps not as severe as physical abuse, is none the less abuse.

Blueglass, you need to ask this girl/woman what it was like around her house when she was a child. Was yelling common? Any other unpleasant forms of disagreement? I'm serious, you need to check on family of origin before you get your heart any more involved with this.

Unless you intend to live with this for the rest of your life, get the hell out...and don't fall for the "bait and switch" sex.
 
Keep her on the leash until a better thing comes along and then tell her you will call her with full intnentions of never calling her again.
 
Let's see. You have a choice of getting up at 5:45 and going to work or getting up at 6:45 getting laid half the time and then going to work and still not being late for work.

I would look in the mirror if you prefer to get to work 2 hours early over sex. It sures sounds like work is more important than your gf, which is not a good thing for a relationship.

And of course, you apparently lost 10 arguments in a row so instead of being a man and telling her the truth, you lie to her.

I agree you should leave but if all it takes to make her happy is a little honesty and rewarding her every other morning, you should probably share her phone number with your fellow HFers.
 
Just so everyone is clear, I get that lying is no good. No argument from me on that. I also get that avoiding conflict is also unwise. That is seldom my approach. I understand that some people are really grouchy when they are deprived of much needed slumber. I get it. As far as discussing things, I tried that but was unable or unwilling to risk missing out on spectacular earth shattering intimate time. But again, I take full responsibility for that too. Guilty as charged on all counts.

Nevertheless, while screaming or being screamed at may be "normal" to some people, it's not to me... unless I did something that I think a reasonable person would be justified to scream about.

I have screamed a few times in my adult life. And I have been screamed at a time or two. But never at or from an adult I respected and cared about and certainly not from my significant other.

We all probably have a list of "deal killers" and this just happens to be one of mine. We also all probably have a list of "so egregious that there are no second chances." This happens NOT to be one of mine. A second chance was easy for me to give to this person, all things considered. A third or fourth? Highly doubtful!!!!!

The alarming thing for me was that it resulted from what I perceived to be a very trivial matter. Reasonable people can disagree on that, I suppose. But regardless of whether it was trivial or not trivial, I simply cannot deal with this type of communication. Nor do I desire to deal with it. And certainly not from my significant other. There are too many people in life that I am required to deal with who communicate poorly. The person I choose to share my life must be a better communicator that that... whether dealing with trivial matters or important matters.

At this point I have chosen to overlook the incident but not to ignore the red flag that was raised. I guess she has made the same choice re: me.

As far as why I go to work early, I have found that I am much more effective and much less stressed if I get to work at least an hour early. My work is often very much like an air traffic controller's... controlled chaos. before performing a ballet in a **** storm, I need time to think, focus and relax. For me, the difference between getting to work early and not doing so is like night and day. But I love my job and am very good at what I do, I think.
 
Screaming isn't a "quirk" or personality idiosyncrasy, screaming is a personality defect. And while many personality defects or flaws can, and should, be tolerated, overlooked, or adapted to, screaming is not one of them. Screaming says I don't care about you enough to control my emotions and that I care more about having my anger release than talking to you rationally because its hard.
 
OP, you're an adult. Don't excuse yourself for lying, other's won't.

Great sex and chemistry is Nature's way of allowing women to snare a man - pure biology. I allow a woman to scream at me one time and one time only, I'll even take the blame for it. But that's it. The second screaming or yelling and... it... is... over.

And, if you come back here and tell us that she yelled at you again, we're just going to snear at you.

hookem.gif
 
Look, either you want her around or you don't. That you are, this early in your relationship, prepared to tell such a bald faced and (forgive me) stupid lie just to avoid listening to her go on and on for ******* ever about something you've already told her is important to you, says to me you don't want her around. Neither you nor her seem to have much interest in making any allowances in your lives for the sake of the other, and the relationship is most certainly doomed without that. Clearly you guys aren't committing to the relationship, so cut to the chase already.

If you wanted to be with her so badly you would have found a way to resolve this by now, so do what needs to be done.

[Said with the bravado that only the internet can provide]
 
It's not the lying or screaming that would bother me, but the use of sex as a manipulatory weapon to get one's way.
 
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