Making it thru age 35+ as a parent husband

OK. I'm hearing a lot of, "it sucks, it really sucks, but tough it out, it gets better, it's all worth it in the end." I can see that. But is there any one out there with kids who thinks the decision to have kids was all just a terrible mistake and if they had to do it all over again they wouldn't have had any kids at all? Surely there's some of that out there.

Bernard
 
I will admit that I've thought that on occasion. But I spent significantly more days happy I'm a dad than unhappy about it.
 
it's hard to explain but your life becomes your kids after you have them. and that's not a bad thing at all. on the contrary, it's the most wonderful feeling in the world. to have uncompromised love for and from your kids. i would step in front of bullets, bombs and knifes to protect them.

but that's not to say it is all easy. parenting is hard work. it's damn hard. but anyone can be a mother and father. it takes work to be a parent. so pat yourself on the back if you are sucking at life right now. it's because you care enough to insure that your kids are raised properly.

and my kids are 17 months apart. 2 in diapers was amazingly hard. but because they are so close together, they have much in common. they are like twins, inseparable. i know they will always have that special bond.
 
I am 46 years old (YES...that is not a typo!), and I have 2 year old twin daughters. They drive me crazy most of the time, but I can't remember what my life was like before they arrived. They keep me young!
 
I just hope you both agree on the way to raise a child. Nothing will destroy a marriage quicker than a parent who undermines another's authority in front of the children.
 
Oh - and you may find this interesting.

A research group did a Happiness Scale study to determine happiness through one's life.

You peak out in your twenties and you bottom out in your mid-late 30s. You go back to your peak in your mid-50s.

The graph kinda looked like this:

..20............30............40..........50

..._-_ ..................................... _-----
../ ... .................................... /
./......................................../
/....................................../
..................................../
................................./
.............................../
.....................-- _ -

Had to add those dots. I hope Gestalt psychology will work in my favor here.
 
Do you have a single male friend who is still the going out 4 or 5 nights a week and getting **** faced? If so, my solution would be to have a long talk with your wife, and possibly a counsoler, and see if you can stay with him for about a week.

I have a single friend who I hang out with pretty often (part of that having a guy night once or twice a month that everybody has already told you). I love hang it out with him. I love hanging out with him and we have a great time. But, everyonce in a while, one of us will have to much to drink and one will drive the other back to his place. And, I guarantee you every morning I wake up at his place, I remember how much better my life is. headache's and all.

Maybe you just need a reminder of what single life was really like.
 
True, but you also need to consider the fact that you could handle your liquor about 100 times better when you were single. The headaches and hangovers weren't half as bad as they are now, and the recovery time was a hell of a lot shorter.
 
I'm going to flat out say it - you are responsible for your own happiness. With that said, you are also responsible for your family.

It's tough at first, but it gets better. You have to accept that and you have to find enjoyment in the little things when your kids are so young. Also counter some of the dullness by incorporating some "fun stuff" into the day to day. For example, go to your kids' soccer games, but then after the game take the fam to waterloo for burgers and some brewski. Also, the kids get more fun with age.

And with like everything else you have to have moderation with everything. You need to spend time with the kids doing kid activities to keep them happy. You and your wife need to date, yes date. Go out once a week or every other week. It doesn't have to be fancy, but most people find that they need to get out without the kids. Also, be sure that you do something for yourself once per week (e.g. poker night, bowling league, cycling, whatever floats your boat). I have to mountain bike 2x a week - I need the adrenalin to keep my sanity. As another poster mentioned, be sure you exercise. Also make sure your wife has a night to get out of the house.

Lastly and most importantly, you need to put your wife #1 and she needs to put you at her #1 priority as well. The kids come #2 - no ifs ands and buts about it. You can't take care of your children if you don't take care of yourselves first.
 
I think 3 years is the perfect spacing. They are close enough in age to where they can still play together when they're young, yet the spacing also yields a "junior assistant helper" with the younger kid. Plus it gives you a small break in between kids. However, most people will say that 2 years is perfect so the kids grow up close.
 
Wow that graph is strange...I guess it is for the general public and like anything there are exceptions. To be honest I hated my 20s...school was ok, work sucked and I had no idea where i was going. Granted I'm only half way through 30 but I have a good job, working well in grad school, money enough to know i don't need to worry about it, I travel all over and I have a great girl. Not married yet but headed that way. Honestly things couldn't be better.



You peak out in your twenties and you bottom out in your mid-late 30s. You go back to your peak in your mid-50s.

The graph kinda looked like this:

..20............30............40..........50

..._-_ ..................................... _-----
../ ... .................................... /
./......................................../
/....................................../
..................................../
................................./
.............................../
.....................-- _ -
 
My boys are 13 and 14. I am 40 and we are expecting twin boys in Oct. I raised my boys by myself from the time my second was born till they were 4 and 5. I loved having little ones although it was very difficult and lonely at times. Maybe I dont remember how hard it was but I cant wait until my boys are here, Im going to stay home with these two full time.
 
I will pray for you, Coop. I have twin boys, too. A few other posters on here do as well.

If you ever need any twin advice, post it. Usually good suggestions from those in the know on here.
 
Hang in there! My daughter is 22 and my son is 17. When my kids were little I was teaching and my wife was finishing school up, so money was an issue for us as well. Simply getting a babysitter and going out was not always an option. So, we did everything as a family. If it was free, we were there. It wasn't easy but, looking back on it, it was the best of times. I would give everything I have to go back to when my children were that young again, at least for a few days. So sweet, so innocent. It's not like they turned out bad, they are both wonderful and neither has given us an ounce of trouble, but those days were special. The hardest part was the marriage and the boredom, but my wife always let me know that she loved me and I did the same for her, I think. WE've now been married for 23 years and can't wait for our two to give us grandkids, even though I don't see that happening anytime soon.
 
Sooner-Tuf,

after hearing the entire thing it is different than what you originally posted. everyone has to raise their kids the best way they know how and be happy at the same time. who is to say that one way is always better than the other.
 
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