Death of a Pig

Did ya give ole Gary his last rites before administering "the deed?"

oh.. and Cody and Matt look like they're enjoying it... WAY TOO MUCH!
 
I can't believe you wasted the head and the skin. Those are two of the three best parts of the pig.

Please, next time you do this invite me over. I'll buy the beer just so that I can come over and watch this theater of the redneck absurd.
 
i can't believe this is the first time i've seen this thread. i was dying to see this pics and i didn't have to wait but 5 minutes. coachkiss, his friends, his family and the polaris are all greatness!
 
So, I call Larry, the pig smoking expert, and he gives me a list of ingredients for the rub. He asks for:

Garlic with parsley flakes
Salt
Seasoning Salt
Tony's
Chili Powder
Pepper
And....Coffee

I thought it was strange to put coffee in it, but he insisted. So he pulls up on Friday morning with his company's smoker, and says he will be back Friday night to put the rub on the meat. I drain the water midday on Friday and add some more ice. The water is a pinkish color, not like the bloody mess from the night before.

The smoker (as you will see in later pictures) is nice, but I'm sure there are people on here with better setups. It has a flat spot on top of the fire box to put a pot for beans, etc., and it has a seperate cooking chamber directly beside the firebox, but above it, that is used as an "oven". The smoking area has a bottom and top rack, and the back side of the smoker had gas-powered burners.

He works for a metal-working outfit of some sorts, and I asked him how much a smoker like that costs (dropping the hint that I would like one). He told me $40,000. I couldn't believe it. He said that's how much it cost them. He told me they had free materials around the shop, but they probably spent $40K in beer while building the thing.

Larry showed back up on Friday night ready to rub. I didn't pay attention to exact amounts that he was using in the rub, but a Sam's size Garlic and Parsley had some left, the seasoning salt was gone, the big coffee can was 3/4 full, and some salt and pepper, and Tony's were used.

We broke out a plastic table outside to do the rubbing, and Larry made quick work of it. We super-wrapped them with plastic and put them back in the cooler.

Larry

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Larry rubbing ribs, loins, and backstrap

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Hams

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Shoulders and Rib Carcass

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Just looking back at it is making my mouth water.

The next step was to start smoking these bad boys. The plan was to wait until after the scrimmage on Saturday night, and cook them for a while. I'll post those pictures next, but the pictures don't do it justice.
 
I wish we had taken pictures the last time we killed hogs. My dad had two 300 lb sows that he didn't want anymore so we killed them for sausage meat. It was an event. Friends and family gathered from miles around.

We hung them on an an A-frame and gutted them that way. My pop's farrier want to gut one so we said sure, cause it is a lot of fuckin work. Imagine the redneckiest of the rednecks. This ol' boy lives in a metal building without air conditioning. His name is Toad, I **** you not. This guy makes Coachkiss's buddies look like flaming homosexuals covered in velvet.

Anyway, everyone is pretty drunk by this point and ol' Toad starts cutting down the gut. Let me tell you when you have a 300 pounder hanging by its back legs there is a lot of pressure on those guts because Toad accidentally cuts into one of them and it looked like a **** shotgun went off in his face. It literally staggered him backwards and knocked his greasy hat into the air. He was covered from hat line to crotch in pig ****. After the shrieks died down and Toad washed his hands he went right back to work.

Glad Coach didn't crater to the grass eaters. Great thread.
 
I have no idea why I hadn't seen this thread up 'til now, but I am all the better for having read it.

You have now made me want to get a couple'a'few pigsters & do the same.

Oh, & "photo orientation" (sideways) fail. But I'll get over it.

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If I posted them the right way, it wouldn't fit the story.

I'm waiting on the pictures of the night and day of the roast. When I get them, I will post them.
 
That made for a good time and a great story. Thanks for sharing it.


Looks like you figured out the right and wrong ways to do just about everything. Next time, when you want to remove the hooves just take a sharp knife and run it around outside the joint above the hoof. The joint will fall apart like it was never connected. Works on all mammals.
 
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