Death of a Pig

Maybe.. there will be no pictures because....

His kids became so enamored with Gary and Porky that late one night.. knowing Gary's demise was imminent, they snuck out of the house, and ... iiberated the swine!!!!

There could be two pigs on the loose right now, avoiding their inevitable fate with the gastro-intestinal destination they so rightly deserve!

NO JUSTICE NO HAM!
 
I'm betting the kids and wife became attached, so instead of a couple of feasts, we now have a couple of pets.
 
I'm thinking the kids put the kibosh on this operation despite naming them sausage and bacon. Unless they're hardcore 4H/FFA types, seeing Sausage or Bacon being smoked in a big pit would be pretty rough. I hope I'm wrong. I want the pics. If you really want a noisy, bloody process go get you a cabrito.
 
Spider pig.. spider pig.. does whatever a spider pig does... can he swing from a web.. no he can't.. he's a pig.. look out.. here comes the spider pig...
 
Gold Medal: Redneck Pamplona
Siver Medal: Naming one pig Bacon and other Sausage
Bronze Medal: retracing your steps and finding your skinned up pig tied to a fence.

Truth is better than fiction.

Bernard
 
While we are waiting for coach kiss: When my oldest daughter was 6, we went to a pig roast. Whole pig cooked on a temporary grill of cinder blocks and expanded metal. A guy name Digger was in charge and he and my daughter were hanging out watching the pig cook. He kept her that the tongue was the best part of the pig and once it was done, she would be the only one besides him who would be allowed to have any.

Well, he cut the tongue out and they split it....not a piece left for anyone else. She then goes running into the house yelling for Digger's wife. "Ms. Michele, Ms. Michele. Digger gave me some tongue".
 
Ok, good place to throw in my story while we wait...

I have a female friend from law school who will eat anything but pork. Finally one day I asked her why. She went into a story on how when she was about 6 years old her dad went and bought a pig. She became very attached to this pig, named it Gil, fed it, and played with it every morning.

Well one day, she woke up and ran outside to play with Gil, and she couldnt find him. She asked her dad where Gil was....and he kneeled down and told her he ran away. She started crying and ran inside. She sat around for a while and then decided to get a popsicle from the freezer.

Well...

She walks into the kitchen, opens the freezer, and who is staring back at her? You guessed it, the head of Gil. She screamed, cried some more, and is scarred for life.

To this day she refuses to eat pork...

Moral of the story, "If you let the kids get attached, make sure you hide the head better"
smile.gif
 
When I was 4, I walked around the corner of the barn to see my dad cleaning one of our 'pet' rabbits. I learned at an early age that animals weren't pets.

Here piggy, piggy, piggy, piggy, piggy.
 
More Bacon and Sausage please!

In the meantime...

A guy goes over to his buddies farm for dinner one night and noticed that his buddy has a pig with a wooden leg running around the yard. So out of curiosity he asks, "What's up with the peg leg on that pig?"

"Well, let me tell you about that pig. He's practically a part of my family. About 10 years ago I was on my tractor and it tipped over on top of me when I drove across a slope. That pig saw it happen and went and got help. I would have bled to death if they hadn't showed up in time."

Then a few years later my youngest son was out swimming in the pond and he got a leg cramp way out there in the deep end. That pig jumped in and hauled him back to the shore. Saved his life."

Then just last summer my barn caught on fire. That pig busted through my back door and started squealin' away to let me know something was wrong. I was able to get out all the livestock before they burned to death. God I love that pig!"

"Well, that all sounds amazing, but what I really meant was why does he have a wooden leg?"

"Are you kiddin' me? You don't eat a pig like that all at once."
 
This story is so great that it's almost painful. I'm writhing.

Bring it home, coach. Bring it home, baby!!!
 

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