What's Worse, Hiring A Prostitute or having an

H

Hornius Emeritus

2,500+ Posts
So the Elliot Spitzer resignation and the aftermath (New York's new governor admitting that both he and his wife had affairs a few years ago) makes me ask this question: what is worse, hiring a prostitute on occasion, or having an affair?
 
You know, I really don't think either are the end of the world.

That said, I doubt most people vow under God to never visit a brothel. I think breaking your pledge is the rub.
 
I agree that breaking the pledge is the problem.

My ex-wife broke the pledge. I was willing to forgive her and try to reconcile the situation.

But, she became mentally distressed over the situation and wanted a divorce. She still admits to having commitment issues.

We're still friends. Obviously, we experienced a lot together.

However, I'm not very interested in someone who can't be faithful.

I don't know what is worse. I would rather not have those sorts of issues in my life.
 
I'm going to say having an affair.

Men pick up some woman at a bar. bang her and forget her name while he is zipping up his pants.

woman fall for a guy they work with and repeatedly bang him behind her mans back they have feelings for him

I'm not saying a man doesnt fall for a coworker and see a woman over and over. it just seems like more times w/ men its about sex w/ something different and for woman its about the relationship
 
There is no difference. You are unfaithful either way. Whether you go to a college football game or a professional game, it's still a football game.
 
I would say a full affair with emotional attachment is worse. That being said..... if a woman cheats on me I lose all trust in her. If I lose all trust in a person I have no reason to be with them since trust is essential to a relationship. This is with an affair or with just a fling.
 
For the record, I agree with AccurateHorn.

The reason that I asked is this: I think I read that about 50% of married men have an affair (or are at least unfaithful) at some point during their marriage.

If this is true, it sounds to me like there were most likely a lot of hypocritical men howling for Spitzer's resignation when they, themselves, had been guilty of the same transgression.
 
Where do open marriages fit in? For example, a lot of women lose interest in sex. The man states if you won't give me sex, I've got to get it from somewhere else. The woman says I don't want to do it more than once a month so do what you have to do.
 
^^^^^ Not talking about me, although I would like to have sex more often. What I am talking about is a very common problem that isn't talked about often unless you get a bunch of 35-50 yr old guys hanging out together. A lot of women don't have the same sex drive as men, especially after they have kids.
 
{Ding} There is no difference. You are unfaithful either way. Whether you go to a college football game or a professional game, it's still a football game.


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Hornius- I don't think the Spitzer detractors were hypocritical at all. When you have built your reputation as Mr. Law and Order, and have even bragged about breaking up prostitution rings, you better steer clear of doing it yourself. If he had just had a plain old affair, with no laws being broken, this would just be a minor bump in the road and Spitzer would still be governor.

As for the original question, I think men care more about their wives not having a physical affair (i.e. they'd care less about them being emotionally intimate with someone else than physical), while women would get madder about their spouse getting emotionally attached to someone and would be more likely to forgive a brief physical fling.
 
I agree parkerco. If he had an affair or used prostitutes and had no been on record bragging about bringing down prostitution rings while he was AG, it probably would not have ended his political career. The hypocracy of his words versus his actions is what brought him dow.
 
The prostitute situation would probably be easire to forgive and move on afterwards. However, there is still a gross display of disrespect for the spouse, both in principal and because the health aspect.
It is probably harder to move on from an emotional affair.
Both, IMO are an issue of disrespect and disregard for the spouse. Regardless of if it's just sex, or sex+emotions, you're still putting your spouse's health at risk and still demonstrating that the vows you took are meaningless to you.
 
I also echo what parkercho said.

However I am a hypocrite on this subject or at least close to one. I know spiritually that it is wrong. I know intellectually that it is wrong. I even feel morally that it is wrong. Yet I also know that IF I were a handsome rock star and drop dead hot women were begging me to do them, I know my weakness well enough to know, that I would give in. Over and over. All the time knowing that it is wrong.

Prostitute or affair? I don't know which is worse. But knowing my own struggles, my only heartfelt rebuke of the Gov. is being such a dumbass on how he went about it.
 
The only way, IMO, that you could possibly call one worse than the other is that affair means doing the same thing multiple times that hiring a prostitute might mean only doing once, so it's "more bad" just like a carjacker stealing 5 cars is worse than stealing 1 car.
 
Some of you guys are answering this question like it was:
Which action is good and which action is bad?

That's not the question.
 
I'm not sure it's "worse", but there are aspects of hiring a prostitute that I find more repugnant. It reduces everything to money. It's a copout, or perhaps more correctly, a buyout. The john is not only letting down his spouse, he's letting down HIMSELF.

An affair, while not justifiable, is at least understandable in the sense that a higher need which isn't being met in the marriage is being met elsewhere.

Ultimately, accuratehorn is correct, but I know which distasteful act I find more distasteful.
 
A wife may think one or the other is worse. Depends on the wife.

The law makes paying $4000 to a prostitute and structuring the transactions to avoid currency laws illegal. To the government, the prostitution and banking allegations are much, much worse. As in a felony versus a non-event.

So you have to ask which context you mean worse. To the government or to a wife.
 
Battleship-

I never considered looking at it from a legal standpoint. I also looked at the question from the point of view as the MALE hiring the prostitute/having an affair. Didn't look at it from the perspective of the FEMALE as the infidel.

...However, I think that anytime a girl requires expensive gifts, nice dinners, or other money to be thrown at her before "giving it up", that it should be considered "prostitution".
 
An affair.

An affair is basically dating, only more secretive. But there is courtship, flirting, etc. Hiring a prostitute is bad, but there isn't the emotional level. People don't get a divorce to marry a prostitute, but they do get a divorce to marry whom they are having an affair with. Its much more likely to tear up a family.
 
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