What is it with me and women?

Stop. Stop right there. You should not be on a dating site to begin with. You have no business being there and it is detrimental. You don't even need to browse. Even if you saw a billboard that said she was there or had a profile you should not go and look. She can only continue to hurt you if you allow it to happen from now on.

Sure, you have the lingering pain and issues but as long as you keep ripping the scab off none of the healing can begin, only scarring at the surface. CUT THE ****, JACK! So freaking what if her checkout girl at the grocery store put her profile up, who cares? You do but you should not and it is not healthy too.

So what if she has sex with ten people today from that ad or whatever! It's not your business any longer. Take the power back, man. Think of the Seinfeld episode with "Kavorka". Get the hand back, you are going to need it.

You just dropped toxin in your new and developing garden.

Good on you for the therapist, trainer and sailing. But where is the you time in this? Don't get so busy or make yourself so distracted you don't do the hard work ahead you need to do. Distracting yourself only goes so far.

You wandered off the path. Get the **** back over here because we have some BBQ, some fine honey's and good tunes at the end. Now, buster.
 
i have had the same problem in the past. what i figured out was that i was dating whores.

seriously.

which i still do. mainly because i like that type of broken wild woman i guess..... but in the end.... and i can think of three or four off the top of my head (i'm 35).... were whores, to some extent, before i met them. i managed to keep them interested for sometime, but it is what it is.

it has nothing to do with you personally.... but has everything to do with the type of women you are attracted to, or that are attracted to me... still haven't figured that part out entirely yet.
 
loop, your advice is the exact opposite of the shrink's. She said that I should get to the bottom of everything ASAP, so I can put it behind me.

Everytime i find something out, it's a new wound. She said the ideal situation is absolutely full disclosure by the cheater. Every single thing that they've done.

I was looking FOR HER on the dating site. It mearly confirmed my suspicions.
 
It seems the shrink's advice is for if you want to eventually get back together with her and loop's is for accepting the fact that she is a cheater and moving on in life without her. I'd go with loop's advice, personally.
 
Heh. Maybe the shrink has the same goal but goes about it differently. I am sure you opened up with her differently than you did and they have more experience gathered from other clients. Your post came across as being weak and still curious as to what she is doing as if she is still cheating on you. But you are not still a couple and there is no way she can cheat on you now because of that fact.

To me, what an ex does means **** to me. I don't let them keep on hurting me or making me feel sad above and beyond what already happened.

I don't care if they had ten affairs or just one if that is what happened. I don't care if I learn they did cocaine off some dude's pecker when we were together if I already knew they were cheating. Details like that don't matter after the fact. At least they don't to me.

So if what they therapist said is what you are doing to the letter and you are not being weak, go for it. For sure listen to her more than me. In fact, listen to ANYBODY instead of me and this goes for anything you can think of!
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Stay strong, kiddo. We can do this.
 
Yeah, and loopy stayed in a Holiday Inn recently.
I was just wondering, BigWill, are you harboring any repressed hostility towards your mother?
 
loop, I don't care if she's dating online now. Hell, I don't care if she's doing gangbang porn NOW.

I care if she was doing it when we were together.
 
BW, there are women who don't cheat. You deserve that. Believe that you deserve that. If she cheated, she wasn't good enough for you. End of discussion.
 
Believe me when I say don't meet the next one in a bar . . .

Occasionally people who aren't cheaters make a mistake, but more often than not these things are doomed from the start, no matter how bad you want them to work out.

Find the person who really digs you, is at the same stage in life, and has the same ultimate goals you do.
 
And don't settle in the meantime. Be happy with and by yourself until that person comes along.
 
Women tend to, not always, mature faster than men so a gap of ten years or so is not such a big deal when the woman is younger. Imagine that, men mature slower. Who'd a thunk it?
 
thought I'd give a quick update;

I've found a nice place to live, with a 40ish total milf. Her boyfriend is around a lot, and he's a real nice guy. She claims to have a lot of hot single friends, but I've yet to meet any of them, or any other women at all.

I've had a couple of financial things come up, so I can't really afford to see the trainer as much as I would like, but I'm keeping up with the exercise on my own. About a month ago, I was at 235, yesterday I weighed in at 218.

I don't have a "target" weight, but I'm guessing I need to drop another 20 or so to get rid of the excess baggage.

I'm basically limited in my exercise to running/walking stairs for about 30 minutes each morning, with a nice long walk or bike ride each afternoon/evening. I live about 1/2 mi. from the beach and harbor, so it's a great place to be for that sort of thing.

Eating 6 small meals a day...very normal diet, just smaller portions. About 2000 calories total.

Drinking a beer or two still on most days, had 4 yesterday afternoon over a few hours at a cookout. That still sounds like a lot to some folks, but I was drinking quite a bit more than that for a long long time.

Just got a promotion at work last week, and promotions are hard to come by in my business in this economy, so I'm very fortunate in that respect.

All in all, things are pretty good. I appreciate everyones encouragement and kind words on this thread. I'm told to expect a bonus in September...if it comes through, I'll see some of you guys in Dallas for OU.
 
Hell Yes!

I weighed in this morning at 205. That's the lightest I've been in a long, long time. Maybe 20 years.
 
Keep up the good work BW. We met several years ago when the Horns were in SD for Holiday Bowl. The one Major won coming back. I do remember you were there in the stands ( and at the tailgate) with your Dad and son. Great picture of good life. I am so glad that things are going your way again. I need to get to 205. Just ordered a book from Men's Health. Maybe it will help.
 
So, smaller Will, it sounds like you are doing well. Are you? Are you learning to like who you are, or are you taking better care of yourself in hopes of attracting another female? I don't want to rain on your parade. I just want to be sure it's YOUR parade. Find your joy, my friend. The commandment is love your neighbor AS yourself. That means you have to love yourself first. You deserve it.
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