Should I tell?

2

2farfromhome

25+ Posts
I hope that this is the right forum for my dilemma. I am a single guy, but many of my friends are married and have families, like my best friend, who has one kid. The other night, out of the blue, his wife started texting me and flirting with me via the messages, asking for me to come over. I didn't think that much of it because she and I are pretty good friends too and she'll do stuff like that when she's out with her husband or her friends and gets board and wants me to join them. Usually it all just playful. Nothing serious

The messages went back and forth for about three hours and then I went to bed, no big deal. Like I said, I didn’t really think much of it. That is, at least up until today, when I spoke with my best friend on the phone briefly. He told me that on that day, he and his son went to visit his parents and stayed with them that night, while she went to visit her parents and stayed with them. He and I didn’t talk long and I didn’t mention what had happened because he had to get off of the phone to deal with something else at that moment. While nothing stated in the texts was really over the line, it still seems kind of strange, especially considering that she was by herself. Is this something that I should tell my friend about? Has a real “relationship crime” happened here or is this a gray area? At times they have issues with their marriage and I have known them forever. Should I tell him or just let things be?
 
Well, if she's married, there's nothing good that can come out of her flirting with you. I'd be up front and tell her that it's inappropriate for her to do this. I wouldn't go causing other issues in their marriage just yet.

Try dealing with her first.
 
Some people are adept and really enjoy the game of flirting, and miss it after marriage. But you would be playing with fire to allow it to continue and go any further. I wouldn't report it, but would back it down a notch or two in the future.
 
Sounds to me like they're already have problems-- I wouldn't add fuel to the fire.

I think it's safe to say that you should limit the flirting in the future though--- seems like maybe she's taking it wrong or too far.
 
I think you should have an affair with her, get her pregnant and then the day the baby is born tell your friend that your really the father.
















or maybe you should just tell her it is inappropriate and you feel like she has put you in an awkward (sp?) situation.
 
You need to stop responding to her texts or tell her that you think it is inappropriate... because it is. If she persists, then your friend needs to know. That crap ain't right.
 
What is there to tell? All you know for sure is that the flirting makes you uncomfortable... so stop the flirting.

No reason to tell him, no reason to confront her. If it was just innocent flirting, then you look like a fruitcake. If she was propositioning you and thinks she was "caught" then she is in a much better place to make you the bad guy in this right now. So just stop doing what makes you uncomfortable, and forget about it.
 
I would tell your friend. Here's why...

A few years ago, one of my best friends got marred to a piece of white trash. NOBODY likes her. He's an engineer and married her for looks while she married him to avoid spending life in a trailer. She has a shady past and has told me some crazy **** she used to do.

Anyway, a couple of years ago, she came on to me at a party. Hardcore. At first it was flirty talk that always goes on at parties. However, it eventually got really inappropriate. Long story short, nothing happened. I kind of blew it off.

About 2 months later, I could tell something was up with my friend. He was acting weird. After several months, I come to find out that she told him I came onto her. ********. I didn't even remotely come onto her nor did I say anything to her that I didn't tell my wife about later on that night. The ONLY thing I said that could have remotely been taken out of context was when I replied to her statement of "you're Sam's best-looking friend" with "you're not so bad yourself." She took it about 5 steps further with offers and innuendo. That's when I walked away and told my wife.

Sadly, the exact same thing happened again last year with another one of his friend's and her. Something about how his friend had professed his love for her out of the blue. After the stories she's told me AND seeing her in action, there's no way she didn't have something to do with this.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that you may need to absolve yourself of this by telling the truth because it may come back to haunt you.
 
It sounds like she is not faithful to her husband in her words. Warning your friend will not change the fact that a woman he trusted is willing to betray him. Politely let her know that your communications are uncomfortable to you, and that you prefer not to have private contact with her. Don't judge, don't tattle, and don't be a party to whatever she is trying to do.
 
If it were me, I would lay back and see how far it goes. She may just be innocently flirting to get attention and does'nt intend to take it further. Then you look like a ******* for bringing it up to her husband. If she comes out in the future and asks you to screw, tell her you are flattered, but can't go there. Then decide whether or not you want to let her husband know. I wouldn't want to hassle with the situation unless I really had to. As long as you don't screw her, you know you haven't done anything wrong.
 
my opinion, you need proof. respond to her with "this makes me uncomfortable and I'm not interested in you that way"

Mark as saved until you delete and if you ever get called out by your buddy you've got proof. Women can be crazy as **** sometimes, watch your back.
 
Trust your instincts re the wife. And IMO there is no reason you should be texting or having private communication with her. No bueno. It will end badly.

I wouldn't tell the dude anything at this point. But I'd be prepared to at some point.
 
Its not a big deal, but honestly, I wouldn't be texting ANY of my friend's wives back and forth for 3-4 hours unless I was planning a surprise party for my buddy or something like that. Clearly she is coming onto you, but not responding to texts in the future might be a really good idea.
 
Come on now. The dude responded to the first 50 flirty text messages with the same. Now he's going to say "ahem....I'm sorry but this is inappropriate". That would be kind of talking out of both sides of your mouth to me at this point.

I say just dont respond to the next flirty message and try to limit communications to the husband/friend. She will take the hint.
 
let me get this straight. you flirt w/ her via txt msg on numerous occasions and now she's the bad one? it takes 2 to flirt. and nothing out of the ordinary was committed. you admit that you flirt in the past. all she did was flirt w/ you. and you obliged for 3 hours but she's the one that needs to be called out? she is just continuing the game that you elected to play w/ her many times before.

in my opinion, don't pass judgment when you are helping to create the situation. and don't tell your friend. no need to make her look bad when you have as much to blame.

if you were concerned about being a real friend, then i'd stop flirting w/ her. and don't make a big deal out of it or you'll end up losing both her and him as friends.
 
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