'Settling' for a Spouse

AustinBadger

AustinBadger

250+ Posts
The Link

This is one of the most insightful and original articles I have read in a long time.

In short, the author argues that people (esp. women) who "refuse to settle" are going to lose in the end b/c unless you are realy lucky, you will never find the "man/woman of your dreams."

Instead, one should shelve fanciful dreams of finding the perfect spouse and focus on finding a good partner to raise a family with.

The article is long but very interesting. Very original ideas. Can't say I agree with it all but she makes some very good points.
 
I'd settle for a hot, rich, intelligent,funny, limber, faithful nymphomaniac, who is about 10-15 years junior than me.

hookem.gif
 
I think this is a serious problem for both men and women under the age of 30 and definitely 25. They have grown up thinking that their perfect soul mate exists and that relationships are easy as pie. Well, ********. There is some one out there for everyone. Matter of fact, there are several someones out there for them. And being married is work. More work than any job.

And too many 20 somethings don't understand that there wont be any participation trophies or juice boxes awarded. It's just more work.
 
Too many people have the idea of looking for a perfect match or soul mate. But that's a flawed way of thinking.

If someone is your perfect match at 25, how about 50? Both you and your spouse will change over time. Both you and the spouse will be very different people 5, 10, 15 and 20 years from now. That's life.

What people need to look for is someone who they can grow and change with. People who are searching for their soul mate tend not to be wise enough to see that.
 
The author of the story is a mess. Who's to say for sure that any of the potential mates she could have "settled" for even wanted her in the first place? I don't know many guys that are looking for a self-absorbed chick who thinks way too highly of herself. Classic case of a person who refuses to join any country club that would deign to allow someone like him to be a member. Get over yourself.

She never thought anyone was good enough for her. Too bad she overplayed her hand. Now she's given up on love completely. She doesn't really even want a husband at this point. All she wants now is a live-in nanny who will work himself to the bone for nothing more than the love of her child and an occational role in the hay with her. Oh yeah, he also has to assign half of all his future income to her. Good luck finding that.

It tough to go through life too deaf to hear opportunity knowing on the door.

Like most people with psychological problems, she's focusing on all the wrong issues. If she really wants some insite, instead of podering the wrong choices she made in the past, assuming she really even had a choice, she ought to focus on figuring out why she's so narcissistic that she can't fall in love with anyone in the first place.

I expect 10-15 years from now she'll be writing an article lamenting that she didn't just switch teams and marry her friend and fellow donor-sperm mom when she had the chance to have a two-mommy, two-child family.

Bernard
 
I like to call it the Oprah syndrome. Women get all this BS blow up their *** about how they should put themselves up on a pedastal.
 
Interesting article with more than a little truth. Now, think about all those Eharmony ads where people( usually women) have met their "soul mate". Don't think those ads don't give the non-settlers hope and motivation.
 
Dealing with this kind of stuff sucks but the 'dream guy' thing was built in to girls fairy tales as little girls. I've got 4 sisters and one of which is really going to struggle to find a guy that she thinks is good enough for her. What she doesn't realize is guys don't want to date a bitchy, self absorbed, elitist girl....especially if she's a big girl.
 
Well if that wasn't self projection on my part I don't know what is. I guess it makes me feel guilty to point out certain facts about how the world works to her, oh well.
 
the unfortunate fact especially for successful carer girls is they are not going to get their ideal.

Nowhere is that more true than in NYC.

successful banker girls want men just like them, unfortunately men dont want women just like them.

We dont want to argue about ****, I dont care about your job, i want you to be pleasant. This girl gets it.

For women every day you are less attractive.

For men every day you are more attractive.

This is becaus what makes men attractive is completely different from what makes women attractive.

I have so many 35-something female friends in NYC that are ****** - they will never get married unless they marry a once divorced 50 year old guy.
 
I'm going to disagree somewhat with the mindset of this thread and say that there are people who are 'close to perfect' in so many ways with the adjunct that 'perfection' is undefinable.

There are physically gorgeous women and men who are very bright, wealthy (either thru family money or self made through intelligence/hard work), very nice (yes, believe it), and even humble (although I've gone to school/worked with/witnessed with more humble 'perfect' guys than 'perfect' girls).

These 'close to perfect' people do exist, believe it or not but are about 1/1000 or fewer and you are lucky to find it but there is a myth that you can't find everything you are looking for..... truth is you can't get it if you find it.
 
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