Putting your child in 'select' sports

U

Uncle Rico

1,000+ Posts
My brother and sister-in-law put their 5 year old son in select soccer this year in addition to another soccer league he's already playing in. He doesn't like the select coach that much because he's "rough" with the kids and sometimes they don't make him go to practice for this reason.

I played select sports in HS and feel that this select thing is a real positive once the separation has occured between kids who are good and kids who just aren't. I understand that this separation usually occurs when kids are about 12-14 instead of HS but is 5 too young?

The select crap can be a good thing because obviously they get better coaching early on but it can have the other obvious effect of making them hate the game and...not want to practice.

Thoughts from anyone with experience?
 
As a father of a 14 yr old daughter that plays "select" fastpitch softball at the 18Gold level - I can tell you one thing that I am certian about -


From what you described - a 5 yr old select team (baseball / soccer / basketball / whatever) is about one thing and one thing only....


$$$$$$$$$$
 
I don't have any experience besides watching kids slightly older than my 7 year old son spend their whole summer playing baseball till 11:30 at night. This is getting out of hand IMO. I'll ask them in 20 years how if select baseball was worth it when they're working for my kid who's focused on life, academics, sports, normal kid stuff.

I imagine our economy is doing alright when you can take a week off of work and go to Brownwood to watch your 8 year old play 3 games in the "State" tournament. Geesh.
 
Uh... it's not select that he is playing it's "developmental" or Academy, where EVERY child whose parents can write the check is selected. Even worse they are not taking him to practice which negates any positives the professinal coaching might benefit the child.
I am a liscensed Soccer coach and have coached kids about 7 years now. If you want to spend you money wisely take advantage of professional skills training. 5 years old is ridiculous in all honestly to play "select' because it's not select at all, it's indeed about $$$$ and finding the kids for the future select programs. More importantly kids need to be kids and if they are not having fun then they are not going to want to play. I have taken a really weak team that didn't win a game the prior season and only scored 1 goal to a team that within 2 years destroyed the competition and was eiasly the best team in the region. I think we had 39 goals for and 2 against that year (one was an own goal). We did great as a byproduct of having a lot of fun, learning and improving our skills and being great sports.

Without fun, kids simply don't last and don't want to do the practicing on their own that kids that love sports do that causes them over time to be better than their peers.

NOT going to practice if ******* stupid because THAT skills training is the only reason to pay the extra money for "select" soccer or select in any sport.

My youngest is playing Volleyball this Fall saving me $400 this season of select soccer fees. It pains me to see her not play as she was the best player on her team WITHOUT me constantly pushing her. However she just wants to try something different. While I think her athletic future is in soccer, i want her to really love whatever sport she chooses. Had I forced her to play soccer and not allowed her to play volleyball would she ever love soccer? I doubt it? She's 9 years old and needs to follow her heart, and i need to be supportive of her.

Plus what will probably happen is like her older sister I will end up coaching her rec team, kciking the crap out of everyone and then playing select Soccer and beating the teams whose parents are paying 4-5 times what my parents play per season.

I think your brother's money would be MUCH better spent on skills training and letting him play with his friends on his Recreational team. PLUS- what team gets screwed when Little Johnny has a conflict with his two teams? IMHO it's not good what they are teaching him in that COMMITMENT is a big thing I teach my kids. I don't care if it's choir, a play date, team sport or whatever. They can quit anything they want, AFTER the original commitment period is over. Parents that let their kids quit end up raising kids that can't keep commitments and it hurts them in life over time from my observations.

Of course at 5 years old the kid isn't committing the parents are, and it's not fair to the other kids on his "select" team to skip practices and want to play int he games...
 
summer,

all valid points that i agree with. kids need to have fun, if it's not fun they will hate it. you teach committment to a team and through hard work that is FUN they will learn a lot about themselves.

unfortunately, my bro/sis in law want to raise the alpha male and soccer is a means to increase foot speed that will help him in football. i'm not joking. keep in mind neither of them are athletic at all but they think their kid is going to be tom brady in 15 years. it's not about their son, it's all about them. they are more nervous on game day about whether they will win or lose than the kids are. it's really, really, really sad and further proof that we are going further and further away from teaching personal responsibility in this country.

to sum up my in-laws they said to me, "why are you teaching your son the alphabet now. if he knows it by the time he gets to kindegarten he will be bored". my son just turned 2 and can say the alphabet (if I point to the letters) and they think that's just a waste of time (no, i don't think my son is einstein). priorities?
 
Your in-laws are idiots.

I am much happier to know that my kids could read by kindergarten than I would be to know that they were great athletes.

Only 1 in 100,000 athletes ends up making any real money at it. For everyone else, it's about fun, teamwork, commitment, fitness, etc.

But almost EVERY kid who is an above-average reader will go on to have above-average success in business etc.

It's the equivalent of betting it all on one number at the roullette wheel. Yeah, if you hit it, you hit it big ($5 million signing bonus, etc.). But you are an idiot for playing those odds, and betting your KID instead of just some chips.
 
I agree it's gotten out of hand. My kids take PE (kickball, volleyball etc) but when it comes to organized sports, I'll let them wait and do it in school. Meanwhile they can enjoy throwing rocks at fenceposts and riding their bikes.
 
Rico- you will see little league baseball coaching ranks filled with "wannabees" that will grossly exaggerate their past prowess and place riduculous expectations on their own children as they live vicarously though them. It's not as bad in soccer (IMO)as not so many folks played when they were young.

I actually tell my kids that Academics are first, and that if they are caught up in school and doiong well they can have a LOT more fun at practice because they are not worring about their homework they forgot to do. VERY few of us will become elite athletes, and ever come close to drawing a paycheck, or being even a top 25 amatuer athlete in their region, much less the state. I also need to say that I coach the bottom level of select soccer, not the top kids that WILL get scholarship offers.

Honestly we read a lot more to my oldest child and my youngest struggled a little bit in first grade when she simply didn;t care. I did NOT push to have either of my kids placed in advance placement classes in elementary school. Though now my oldest is National Junior Honor Society , in AP math, and an overall Straight A student. The yongest made straight A's in third grade but is nust now really WANTING to read a lot and get every msth problem correct. She likes to have fun and a "star" in the personality arena. Her hardest social problem is 4 girls wanting to be her best friend, and her best friend poor mouthing the other ones.

IF you happen to have been a great athlete and want to teach you kids skils and fitness because THEY want to learn then great, but without the love.... it's just not the right thing to do. The best lesson I learned from my Dad, and he coached my swime team and was the parent who stepped up for soccer, was to let my kids have FUN! If you have fun doind something then practice is not work, if you don;t love it practice is indeed work. I excelled at swimming, and was given the choice of moving the family to swim AAU nearly full time. An option I didn;t take. A year later I was in the Attic and looking through some old trunks and there were craploads of articles about by Dad. State record holder, high school champ as a freshman, etc. NEVER did he pressure me to excel in swimming, he just taoguht me what he knew when I wanted to learn it. he had no need of course to live vicariously though me as HE achieved on his own. Luckily I am in the same boat, I was one of the best in may sport in Houston so while I love to see my girls do well, fun is the key. My youngest might be good enough to get a soccer scholarship in a few years, but I want her to have fun first. Hell, She's just a nine year old!.

I want them to enjoy school as well. My daughter felt bad wehn one of the oriental girls at her school was crying because she didn't get into the math level she did. I figured it was parental pressure, (you're a failure at 12 if you don't get into AP Algebra...) I want well rounded kids that can excell at anything they put their minds to WITHOUT me riding them like a frigging pony. So far i seem to be on target.
 
I'm just happy my five year old can run and kick the soccer ball, seriously at five who cares? Give 'em a chance to have fun.
 
my nephew started playing soccer/baseball at like 3. i told my mom it was way too young and she agreed. my sister just wants him to like sports and she thought he was going to miss out if he didn't start for a couple more years. i don't know who these dads are, but if they think they were playing organized baseball/soccer at 3/4, they're nuts. i can't even imagine select at that age. whoever said it was about $$$ is absolutely correct.
 
We found out that "select" soccer is not really so selective. They have the top tier team(s) then the lower level teams. The "select" leagues will be more than happy to take your money and find a spot in their league for your child. My daughter tried out and was placed on lower tier team. We decided the competion was probably higher in the rec league. Which I might add it a fraction of the price.
 
Five years old? Come on, that's crazy.
I could see it if the child has played soccer or baseball for several years, shows a lot of promise, and the parents think he/she might be a candidate for a college scholarship in the sport-then it would probably be appropriate.
 
Just as a counter-opinion, one benefit to "select" leagues in this day in age is the fact that not everyone wins a trophy.

I've been involved in the Softball Board for 5 years now (my daughter plays) and "Select" softball is not what it once was, it's basically now any group of parents who like their kids playing together and don't want the rules of an organization. It has become completely watered down. However, these kids play a lot of ball and don't always win a trophy or award just to make them feel better. I do kind of like that apsect because many organizations have adopted the "Everyone is a Winner" principle to an extreme that I don't appreciate. Competition prepares one for life, and kids shouldn't expect to be given something just to show up.
 
My 13 year old plays select baseball. It was his choice and he has learned much more than he would in league baseball. I coach his select team ,we play 1-2 tournaments a month and practice 1-2 a week depending on the year. We take the month of august off and part of Sept. I have coached most of these kids for years and the kids parents will tell me if we need a break. Once they are in High School they are expected to play year round. I will coach the incoming freshmen team next summer and weekends throughout the year. We will play other teams in are district. This is not school sponsored but the kids that want to play better be on that select team.
 
I am an assistant coach for my son's 8u select baseball team and while there is a good bit of political BS that goes into some of it, you don't have to buy into that crap. We decided to do it for a number of reasons. First, our son had several friends on the team and he wanted to play with his buddies. That's one major benefit - knowing who will be on your team instead of hoping you get drafted to a team with someone you know on it. Secondly, after 2 horrific experiences with league ball coaches, we decided we would choose who worked with our son instead of letting the league decide. Having the same kids and coaches from season to season builds continuity and having a consistent message is great. We don't have one coach showing our son one way to throw then having someone else say something completely different. I also very much like the fact that he has to compete for a position and playing time rather than having a mandated amount of time per player and everyone gets a participation trophy and an orange slice when we're done. That isn't real life and competitive sports can teach some valuable life lessons in that way. As an example, my son wanted to play 2nd base this season and the coach let him work there for a while. He didn't do as well as some other players so he doesn't deserve that spot. The life lesson there is you have to go out and earn things, not get them handed to you just because. The other option is to be a quitter because you don't get your way and that won't be allowed.

We certainly want our son to do the best he can but I have very very very slim hopes of him ever playing professionally - thats just not realistic. I see parents who believe their kids will play in the majors and those kids will burn out. If he played in high school I'd be happy and playing college ball at any level would be amazing.

As for the money side of things, we pay around $250 each for both the spring and fall seasons, which includes 2 practices a week on quality fields, 2 uniforms a year, bag, helmet, etc. We'll play a tournament or 2 each month on weekends only. If we played league ball we'd still pay close to $150 per season, get one practice a week, play weeknight games and have the issues I described earlier.

It may not be for everyone but it works for us. I'm not saying this is the case for everyone who is against select leagues, but it seems like they're usually the ones with less talented kids who try to make everything nice and nerfy. Life just isn't that way.
 
Uncle Rico, you bro/SIL's aren't going to have to worry for long. The kid will be burned out at 12-13, if he can last that long.

My older daughter (now 20) played select soccer on a fairly high level regional team. It was her deal. My youngest (11) is a lot better athlete but she doesn't have the desire to stick with one thing...she likes to dance, play soccer and swim. We could force her to pick one and she would be very successful, for a while. Then she would grow to dread it, and you have lost at that point.

I've coached select and rec teams soccer teams for 15 years and reffed for a number of those years. I see the high-anxiety parents hounding their kids right out of the game. Happens all the time.
 
My daughter (11) plays competive soccer at a pretty high level for her age. We started in AYSO where I coached her. She was - by far - the best player male or female in her age group. She moved on to a competetive team and she loves it. As a matter of fact, I thought that she DIDN'T like to play when she played AYSO -- she may have just gotten bored. Now, she is completely into it.

As per the travel, school and whatnot. It's a little different for us. Due to the fact that her mother and I are no longer together, her grandmother, mother and I all share in the expense AND in the travel.

By the way, she basically makes straight "A's" so, at this point, she is fulfilling the academic side. If, in the future, her grades fail or she decides she's tired of playing, it really won't be that big of a deal in our family if she quits.

The competetive thing is definitely not for every child or every family. Balance is the key. Plus, I'd rather have her time occupied with this than - say - video games. She hasn't played one minute of a video game in over 3 years. She would rather kick the ball or ride bikes.
 
coopntex,

so based on your experience, what is a "standard" age in which advancing these kids is a good idea? 13 for you, but do you see a baseline?

free=good,

thanks for sharing the story. my question for you is do your 8 year old kids understand the values of competing for a position, not being given anything or are they just out there playing baseball? hopefully you understand the point i'm trying to make and i'm not being critical.

i think the point i'm trying to make is that we all agree sports can teach us life's most valuable lessons and this nation as a whole is divided into people that are ******* and people that will make their kid into the next star even if it means bankrupting them (at the expense of education). at what point are they "getting the lessons" versus getting a bunch of rhetoric and head fakes thrown at them they don't understand. in some kids it may happen at age 8, some age 10, some may never get it. i guess this is where the parent steps in.
 
Incredibly stupid. As others have said, it's all about the parents and the dollars.

I'm surrounded by idiots that send their 7-year-olds to select tournaments in other states even. Just maddening. I've already looked up what Little League we're in because that's what my kids will play if they want to play softball/baseball. Little League baseball was my first introduction to competition and I enjoyed the hell out of it. It was about the kids. I just can't imagine that I would have enjoyed the select travel squads as much.

Some of my best sports memories were with All-Star teams advancing out of district, through sectionals and on to state in one case. Would that really be as exciting or provide the same sense of accomplishment that comes with hard work if every kid whose parents have $500 to blow can be on the team and travel with you?
 
i guess my next question for the participating audience is...who are these people who put their kids in select sports? I'd say we are educated people who take an active interest in our children's life. The people here who have their kids in select sports seem to be paying close attention to whether or not their kid is truly enjoying and learning.

i don't want to paint too broadly here but are these people bad parents, chronic underachievers themselves, sooners???
 
my daughter plays in a league that has about 8 team and usually two or so are "club" teams. her team has won or been in 2nd for the last 4 years. it has been a big improvement in terms of coaching and overall skill level from the YMCA team she played on until she was about 9.

by the time you are 9, you probably have a pretty good idea of what sports you like and dislike, if you have tried a few of them. so we don't have any problem with it if she decides to join a club team next year (as the divisions change again).

by this time, when i was her age, i knew the two sports i would be playing were football and basketball. i still play both today.
 
How many people make good money as pro athletes? Can't be too hard to estimate, although it depends on what you count as a sport.

Football: 32 x 50 = 1600
Basketball: 30 x 12 = 360
Baseball: 30 x 25 = 750
Hockey: 30 x 20 = 600

So that's about 3,300 right there and that's the majority of pro athletes who are making good money. There's other sports of course, so I figure 3,500 - 4,000 is a good estimate.
 
Statalyzer,

for someone who claims stats in their handle you sure screw up some stats.
wink.gif


there are others involved in sports making good money such as agents, coaches, executives, etc but i get your drift. even if the # is 15,000 it doesn't increase your odds a ton.
 
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