post a joke that makes you LOL
- Thread starter El_Oso
- Start date
A 10 year old boy is hiding in his Mom's closet, listening to his Mom and her lover go at it. Suddenly the dad arrives home, and the lover hides in the closet, too.
The boy says, "Dark in here." The lover agrees. The boy says, "I have a baseball." The lover says, "That's great." The boy says, "I'll sell it to you for $20." The lover says, "What? That's terrible!" The boy says, "Or I could go out and tell my dad who is hiding in the closet..." The lover gives the boy the $20.
The next week, the same scenario. The boy again starts off, "Dark in here." The lover agrees. The boy tells the lover, "I have a baseball glove." By this time, the lover knows the drill. "OK, how much?" The boy tells him $50. The lover pays the kid.
The following Saturday, the boy's Dad tells him, "Go get your ball and glove, and we'll go out and play some catch." The boy tells his Dad, "I can't. I sold them." The Dad says, "What? For how much?" The boy tells him $70. The Dad says, "You're stealing if you took that much for a ball and glove. I'm going to take you down to the church and make you confess." The Dad hauls the kid to the church, and marches the boy to the confessional. The boy goes in, and hears the priest slide open the small window between the sections of the confessional.
The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Kid, don't start that **** again...."
The boy says, "Dark in here." The lover agrees. The boy says, "I have a baseball." The lover says, "That's great." The boy says, "I'll sell it to you for $20." The lover says, "What? That's terrible!" The boy says, "Or I could go out and tell my dad who is hiding in the closet..." The lover gives the boy the $20.
The next week, the same scenario. The boy again starts off, "Dark in here." The lover agrees. The boy tells the lover, "I have a baseball glove." By this time, the lover knows the drill. "OK, how much?" The boy tells him $50. The lover pays the kid.
The following Saturday, the boy's Dad tells him, "Go get your ball and glove, and we'll go out and play some catch." The boy tells his Dad, "I can't. I sold them." The Dad says, "What? For how much?" The boy tells him $70. The Dad says, "You're stealing if you took that much for a ball and glove. I'm going to take you down to the church and make you confess." The Dad hauls the kid to the church, and marches the boy to the confessional. The boy goes in, and hears the priest slide open the small window between the sections of the confessional.
The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Kid, don't start that **** again...."
Did you hear about the aggy that recently broke his leg at the golf course in Dallas? It seems he fell off the ball washer.
What is the mating call of the blonde??? I think I am getting drunk.
Muledick
Guy is the only survivor of a shipwreck and washes ashore on a deserted island. After 6 months, a beautiful & very shapely blonde in a black wet-suit comes walking out of the water. She says to him: Hi, have you been here long? He says: Ohh, yeah. She says: I bet you would like a nice drink of whiskey? Him: Ohh, gawd yeah. So she slips a flask out of her wet-suit by her breasts and pours him some whiskey. While he sips it and oggles her, she says: I bet you would like a nice cigar to go with that wouldn't you? Him: Ohh, yeah. So she slips out a sealed cigar & lighter from her wet suit and lights it for him. While he is enjoying the whiskey & cigar, she smiles at him in a provocative way and says: you have been here a long time... I bet you would like to play-around? He pauses for a moment, smiles and says: you got golf clubs in that wet-suit???
What is the mating call of the blonde??? I think I am getting drunk.
Muledick
Guy is the only survivor of a shipwreck and washes ashore on a deserted island. After 6 months, a beautiful & very shapely blonde in a black wet-suit comes walking out of the water. She says to him: Hi, have you been here long? He says: Ohh, yeah. She says: I bet you would like a nice drink of whiskey? Him: Ohh, gawd yeah. So she slips a flask out of her wet-suit by her breasts and pours him some whiskey. While he sips it and oggles her, she says: I bet you would like a nice cigar to go with that wouldn't you? Him: Ohh, yeah. So she slips out a sealed cigar & lighter from her wet suit and lights it for him. While he is enjoying the whiskey & cigar, she smiles at him in a provocative way and says: you have been here a long time... I bet you would like to play-around? He pauses for a moment, smiles and says: you got golf clubs in that wet-suit???
This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.
"Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?" the service guy asks. "Boy", is the mans' response. "Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there".
An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, Chihuahua, shotgun and a pair of hand cuffs. He then gives the man some instructions.
"Now, I'm going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla's balls off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on".
The man asks "What do I do with the shotgun?"
"If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog"
"Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?" the service guy asks. "Boy", is the mans' response. "Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there".
An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, Chihuahua, shotgun and a pair of hand cuffs. He then gives the man some instructions.
"Now, I'm going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla's balls off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on".
The man asks "What do I do with the shotgun?"
"If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog"
Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up — fireman, policeman, salesman, etc… David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.
“My father’s an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer’s really good, he’ll go out to the alley with some guy and suck them off for money.”
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took Little David aside to ask him, “Is that really true about your father?”
“No,” said David, “He coaches at the University of Oklahoma , but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.”
“My father’s an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer’s really good, he’ll go out to the alley with some guy and suck them off for money.”
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took Little David aside to ask him, “Is that really true about your father?”
“No,” said David, “He coaches at the University of Oklahoma , but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.”
The Over Cusser
100+ Posts
Two cows are sitting on a hill when once cow turns to the other and says, "Hey do you ever worry about getting Mad Cow Disease."? The other cow says, "No I'm a duck."
veggieboy
500+ Posts
I can't believe it took that long for "muledick" to show up.
_________________________________________________
So, this guy is walking down the street in Chicago, and he runs in to an old friend.
"The first guy says, "HEY MAN! I haven't seen you in such a long time. There's a bar at the top of this building, let's go have a drink"
Being glad to see his old friend, the second guy agrees. After several drinks, the first guy says, "Man, this building is incredible. It has such a powerful updraft, that you can jump out that window, and it will blow you right back in."
The second guy says, "No way. That's impossible."
FIrst guy says, "Seriously, watch this."
So, he goes over to the window, opens it up, and jumps out. A couple of seconds later, WHOOOSH, he comes flying right back in the window.
The second guy goes, "Holy ****. I have got to try that."
He runs over to the window, and jumps out, and falls to his death.
The first guy, seeing this, kinda laughs and walks back to the bar.
The bartender looks at him and goes, "You're a pretty cool guy, Superman, but you're an ******* when you drink."
__________________________________________________
Guy comes home from work early and finds his girlfriend packing up.
He goes, "Baby, what's wrong?"
She says, "I'm leaving you. I found out you are a pedophile!"
Man says, "A pedophile? That's a pretty big word for a 7 year old..."
_________________________________________________
So, this guy is walking down the street in Chicago, and he runs in to an old friend.
"The first guy says, "HEY MAN! I haven't seen you in such a long time. There's a bar at the top of this building, let's go have a drink"
Being glad to see his old friend, the second guy agrees. After several drinks, the first guy says, "Man, this building is incredible. It has such a powerful updraft, that you can jump out that window, and it will blow you right back in."
The second guy says, "No way. That's impossible."
FIrst guy says, "Seriously, watch this."
So, he goes over to the window, opens it up, and jumps out. A couple of seconds later, WHOOOSH, he comes flying right back in the window.
The second guy goes, "Holy ****. I have got to try that."
He runs over to the window, and jumps out, and falls to his death.
The first guy, seeing this, kinda laughs and walks back to the bar.
The bartender looks at him and goes, "You're a pretty cool guy, Superman, but you're an ******* when you drink."
__________________________________________________
Guy comes home from work early and finds his girlfriend packing up.
He goes, "Baby, what's wrong?"
She says, "I'm leaving you. I found out you are a pedophile!"
Man says, "A pedophile? That's a pretty big word for a 7 year old..."
She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit. Then I caught her spending $65 on makeup.
And I asked how come I had to give up stuff and she didn't.
She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me.
I told her that was what the beer was for.
I don't think she's coming back.
And I asked how come I had to give up stuff and she didn't.
She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me.
I told her that was what the beer was for.
I don't think she's coming back.
A woman was disturbed about her schnauzer's hearing loss. The vet examines it and assures her it's only waxy buildup on his ear hair and instructs her on regular use of Nair for the problem. When handed the Nair by the pharmacist, he says "if it's for your legs, don't shave them again for at least three days".
"Not for my legs", she responds.
"Well, if it's for your underarms, don't shave them again for five days."
"It's not for that either, she responds. And if you must know, it's for my schnauzer."
Somewhat embarrassed, he responds, "well in that case, stay off your bike for a week".
"Not for my legs", she responds.
"Well, if it's for your underarms, don't shave them again for five days."
"It's not for that either, she responds. And if you must know, it's for my schnauzer."
Somewhat embarrassed, he responds, "well in that case, stay off your bike for a week".
Very old aggy joke..............
Ned and Jed were driving along a country road when Jed spots a sheep ewe with her head caught in a fence. "I'm gonna get me some of that" Jed proclaims, pulls over and runs up to the sheep. He drops trau and has his way with her Afterwards, he asks Ned, "want some of that too?". Ned says, "sure!", drops trau,............ then puts his head in the fence.
Ned and Jed were driving along a country road when Jed spots a sheep ewe with her head caught in a fence. "I'm gonna get me some of that" Jed proclaims, pulls over and runs up to the sheep. He drops trau and has his way with her Afterwards, he asks Ned, "want some of that too?". Ned says, "sure!", drops trau,............ then puts his head in the fence.
Kerbouchard
100+ Posts
Why don't they teach Drivers Ed. and Sex Ed. on the same day in the middle east?
Because the camels would get too tired.
Because the camels would get too tired.
ferrariparty
250+ Posts
One day a farmer heard a knock on his door. When he answered it there was a young man in his early 20s standing there. The person at the door says "Hi, sir I'm a recent graduate of Texas A&M University and I am looking for work, do you think you could give me some jobs on your farm?"
The farmer replied "Sure I could use some help"
The Aggie then said "I couldn't help but notice that you had some cottonwood trees down by your creek have you ever thought of harvesting them for cotton?"
The farmer replied "Son don't you know that cotton comes from a crop not cottonwood trees?"
"Well in my classes at A&M they taught me how to get cotton from cottonwood trees."
"Well son you can try but im telling you that you won't get any cotton from the cottonwoods"
With that the aggie went off towards the cottonwoods and came back an hour later with buckets full of cotton.
Upon his return he said to the impressed farmer "Sir, I couldn't help but notice you had some milk weed out in that field, have you ever thought of getting milk from them and selling it?"
"Son, dont you know that milk comes from cows not milk weed plants?"
"Well in my classes at A&M they taught me how to get milk from milk weed."
"Well you can try, but I'm telling ya milk doesnt come from milk weed."
The aggie walked off towards the field returned an hour later with buckets full of milk
The aggie dropped the milk off at the house and told the impressed farmer "Sir, I couldnt help but notice that you had some ***** willows over...." the farmer cut him off
"Hold on a second son I'm going with you let me get my hat."
The farmer replied "Sure I could use some help"
The Aggie then said "I couldn't help but notice that you had some cottonwood trees down by your creek have you ever thought of harvesting them for cotton?"
The farmer replied "Son don't you know that cotton comes from a crop not cottonwood trees?"
"Well in my classes at A&M they taught me how to get cotton from cottonwood trees."
"Well son you can try but im telling you that you won't get any cotton from the cottonwoods"
With that the aggie went off towards the cottonwoods and came back an hour later with buckets full of cotton.
Upon his return he said to the impressed farmer "Sir, I couldn't help but notice you had some milk weed out in that field, have you ever thought of getting milk from them and selling it?"
"Son, dont you know that milk comes from cows not milk weed plants?"
"Well in my classes at A&M they taught me how to get milk from milk weed."
"Well you can try, but I'm telling ya milk doesnt come from milk weed."
The aggie walked off towards the field returned an hour later with buckets full of milk
The aggie dropped the milk off at the house and told the impressed farmer "Sir, I couldnt help but notice that you had some ***** willows over...." the farmer cut him off
"Hold on a second son I'm going with you let me get my hat."
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