Okay I can tell the story now...

I'd have passed the keys off to my wife and rolled out at 15 MPH. Fortunately, I don't have a wife to drag me on stupid **** like that. You got yourself into this mess.
 
I thought Shaquandra was going to pull a Dave Chappelle limo driver's - "I gotta make a stop" on your ***.

The true version is just as funny. At least you got some hot cocoa out of the deal.
 
I hope you forgot to include the part of the story where you pre-partied or packed a flask/sixer for the "Tour de Shady Pines".

If it was me, I'd definitely be an *** and sit in the front yard to taunt Shaniquah on future tours.
 
I had seen this topic on the board, but my laziness prevented me from clicking on it. Holy ****. This is one of the funniest stories I've read on here in a long time. I can only imagine myself in this situation.
 
You have captured the essence of the Christmas season, a story that should be retold annually, ala, "The Christmas Story." This should be part of the sequel, in fact.
Told my wife, mother and stepfather the story, and they all laughed.
 
tuck and roll, man.

i'm sure your wife is a lovely, lovely person, but how many people honestly think a tour of christmas lights in waco could be worth doing for free, let alone paying good money for?

thanks for the laugh.
 
greatness!
yippee.gif
 
I just read this for the 1st time. We're having to finish up the books for the end of the month and year so it is really quiet. I nearly killed myself holding in my laughter! Great story and awesome job writing it! You rock!
 
*UPDATE*

I took Santa's fat *** off the roof today. As I was doing it I couldn't help but think of my old friend Shaquandra.
See...the Christmas lights tour continues until this Friday. So I can just imagine her turning the corner and rollin' down our street...and for the first time in over 3 weeks...NO SANTA on the roof!!! She's all "look kids...thurr go San......where 'da **** Santa go? ...Aww this some ********".

Aaah the memories we made. Shaquandra I've got a special surprise waiting for your *** next Christmas.

Thank you Hornfans for helping me laugh my way through a very painful event.
hookem.gif
 
Why do I get the feeling that this thing is gonna pop up about this time every year? Oh well...get your laugh on at Wideman's expense. It's all good.
 
Ah, the joys of living in a more rural county in Texas. We have a big display every year in Loy Lake Park that is funded by a couple of foundations and private donations. It is free to the public but they do ask you to make a donation if you can. You drive through the display in your own vehicle at your own speed.

The Waco display sounds like some of the less ethical striper guides on Lake Texoma. They charge you $500 for 8 hours of fishing, you catch your limit in 30-60 minutes and are back at the dock. They do not do catch and release nor do they take the time to teach you how and where to catch them. No wonder many of their customer's feel like they were taken by a con man.

Sorry, I would have complained loud and hard to the manager of the display. He and everyone in line to take the tour would have known you expected to be able to see the displays rather than be driven around the trackk by a Jeff Gordon wannabee.

I would have also let him know the tour should have had explicit details of the route. In a very loud voice I would have let him and everyone else know I did not pay $50 to see my own friggin house.
 
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