memorable lines from TV shows past

[LITNIN HORN]

"I fail to comprehend your indignation, sir. I have simply made the logical deduction that you are a liar."

Spock
Star Trek

 

[Texanne]

As the thread originator and therefore its arbiter, I am going to disallow the quotes from The Simpsons, as it is still in production.

The rules clearly state that the shows quoted must have been out of production for at least 10 years.

 

[LITNIN HORN]

DOH!

 

[Sangre Naranjada]

In other words, you kinda' have to be an old fart to play.

 

[Texanne]

Or someone who appreciates classic television shown in syndication.

 

[ProdigalHorn]

I've had it up to HERE with your... "RUUUULES!"

 

[MGS]

Since Newhart was brought up, how can you forget the last line in the final episode:

"You should really wear more sweaters"

 

[midwayhorn]

Radar, to patient who thinks he's Jesus Christ: "Is it true God answers all prayers?"
"Jesus Christ": "Yes. Sometimes, the answer is 'No'".

 

[Crockett]

Lillith and Frazier are in bed while Cheers regulars party loudly in the next room
Lillith tells Frasier he must break up the party. Frasier tired to put it off.
Lillith convinces him saying "If you want to see me naked in the 90's"

 

[CottonEyedHorn]

I'm going to murder this, but here's my best shot from memory.
Wings
Scene opens up w. the regulars (Roy, Antonio, Fay) bemoaning the quality of the coffee from behind Helen's counter. Lowell pops in the scene carrying a thermos, and says "That's why I bring my own". Goes on in detail about hand-selecting and roasting his own beans, using purifiied water, etc. The others clamor around him for a sample of the brew, which Lowell more than happily pours from his thermos. As they start drinking, the looks of excitement turn to disgust... Roy asks what kind of filter Lowell used to make the coffee.

Lowell: "Filter...?"

 

[BevoJoe]

From I love Lucy:

Ricky: "You have fixed the sheets and blankets, now go take a nap!"

Ethyl: "What'd he mean by that?"

Lucy: "Well, I think he was saying, you've fixed your bed now lay in it."

Also from I Love Lucy:

Hans Conreid an English Prof giving proper English lessons: "Now there are two terms I do not want to hear you use. The first is swell and the second is lousy."

Lucy: "Ok what are they?"

Hans Conreid: "The first is swell and the second is Lousy."

Fred: "Ok. Give us the lousy one first!"

 

[PFD]

Five words:

"What'choo talkin' 'bout, Willis?!"

 

[MirrOlure]

NORM: "Women.........you can't live with 'em. Pass the beer nuts".

_____________

GANG: "Norm!"
WOODY: "How's life treating you Mr. Peterson?"
NORM: "Like I slept with its wife....."

_____________

GANG: "Norm!"
WOODY: "Hey Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?"
NORM: "Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?"

 

[Texanne]

Wings

It's Christmas Eve and Lowell has purchased a trap set for Lowell Jr., which he has set up in the hangar. He plays poorly, several times, for which Fay berates him. Then Roy takes a turn, and he's worse than Lowell. Fay grabs the drumsticks and says, "I'm putting an and to this for once and for all!" and strides into hangar. Moments later, a drum solo worthy of Gene Krupa or Buddy Rich emanates. She then walks out to the amazement of everyone.

"USO all-girl band, Korea, 1952."

 

[blueglasshorse]

From Lonesome DoveNewt: Gus, are you sure the Captain is my father?
Gus McCrae: Yep, he is.
Newt: He ain't never mentioned it.
Gus McCrae: Well, Woodrow ain't much of a mentioner.

 

[BevoJoe]

M*A*S*H

Hawkeye: "You know anything about horses?"

McIntyre: "I stepped in some horse manure once."

Hawkeye: "You're in charge!"