The post about not giving in struck a chord with me. My parents did this across the board.
My parents decided before they had any kids that no means no and neither would ever oveturn the other's decision. Further there would always be some disincentive for disobeying. I ALWAYS lost. This bed thing was just a tiny subset of that. Although I rarely slept with my parents (it was usually several kids and some family activity) I can remember being told to go get in my bed. It was like thousands of other orders. I've seen parents who debate orders with their kids. I don't get it. I would get second reminders ("I've asked once you to turn off the TV and go to bed."), but the third time invariably had a cost.
I realize discipline is not the thrust of the question or the answer but follow through is certainly a component.
I will say this -- below a certain age (say, 5 or 6), there is certainly some good that comes with co-sleeping NOW AND AGAIN. I don't like it that our 3-year-old comes down every night, and we're trying to incent him not to, but in this day and age where everyone is frazzled all the time, a little peace and quiet and close physical bonding with your child cannot be seen as a bad thing.
No offense, but it always makes me laugh for people without kids to be giving advice on these types of threads. It's would be kind of like me (an engineer) giving a marine advice about how to survive in a combat situation. With kids - you absolutely don't know how you will react until you are there. When your 3 yr old is sobbing in his room from "nightmares" you're really going to just let him cry? Uhhh huh.
We've never had much issue with our kids sleeping until recently. Their developing imagination is leading to nightmares and it is difficult to tell them to just "suck it up". I like the rewards idea though. My kid would probably do anything for a sticker.
last night...all 5 of my kids wound up in our bed. we left and went to the guest room! lol!
my two oldest rarely come down anymore. so last night was a rare one.
my little girl and youngest boy are in our bed every night. we have never minded the kids sleeping with us and actually enjoy cuddling with them. it gets a bit tricky when there are more than 3 but otherwise, its all good.
if we need privacy, we take them back to their beds or tell them they cant sleep with us tonight.
so far, it seems they naturally progress to where they want to sleep in their own beds. my oldest two like to sleep in their own beds. and my little girl is starting to warm up to the idea... but not yet. lol!
my 5 year old son already loves sleeping in his bed already.
if it ever bothers us, we will change it but so far so good.