Just wanted to see...

B

Bluepies

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Alright, so my girlfriend's birthday is coming up (we've been together two years). Her birthday is actually on Valentine's Day. She always asks for a birthday AND Valentine's day present. I think that's fair. It's not like I wouldn't give her one for each if they were on different days.

Usually she hasn't asked for anything specific. I try to get her something she'll like and she's pretty happy with it. This year, she wanted Robin Williams tickets as her birthday gift, along with something else for a Valentine's gift. And she also expects me to take her to dinner.

Now, I just graduated last May and I'm still trying to pay off debts and loans. I'm a teacher, so I don't make a ton of money either. I looked up tickets and at first I could only find them for $100 a pop. I called and asked if she really wanted them THAT bad. I mean, maybe she didn't realize they were so expensive. She said she did though.

After more searching, I found them for $55. Only problem was that I couldn't get two together. I could find them on the same row, about a dozen seats down. I've been to UT games before, and even if it's a sellout, there's always a few empty seats in the mezzanine. And up there, no one cares if they're in their exact seat or not. Figuring it wouldn't be a big deal to switch seats or get a few people to move down a seat, I got the $55 tickets. The next cheapest I could find were $90 each.

I called and told her about it and she freaks out, cries, and goes on a total assault of my character. Calls me a cheapskate, says I wasn't being nice by buying her these tickets, says I don't care, etc. Says it's totally lame that I didn't spend an extra $70. Demands that I sell them and buy her the $90 ones.

I can see where she's coming from. It might be a hassle to make people move so we can sit together. But I'm already going to get her ANOTHER gift, and take her to dinner. And this was a pretty expensive gift, mind you.

I dunno about you, but when it's a GIFT, you show some appreciation, even if it's not perfect. When your aunt gives you an ugly sweater for Christmas, you say "Thank you." You don't cry, tell her you hate it, and tell her to sell it and buy you a more expensive one. And next time you see that aunt, you better be wearing that damn sweater. If you don't show some appreciation, maybe you won't get anything next time.

So I just wanted to see if anyone else here thinks what I did was completely heinous, or if anyone else thinks she overreacted a bit. At least one of us is a little out of touch, obviously, and I guess it could be me.
 
Please, haven't you already figured this out? Give me a break. Since when do you get to order a present for both occaisions? You went to a lot of trouble. There are many who would appreciate the gesture.
 
Give her the solo ticket as a severance package and relish the rush of air from the bullet that didn't strike you.
 
If you're going to take her to the show, buying cheap tickets not together was lame. You might as well have saved another $55 and just bought one, then told her you'll drop her off and pick her up when the show's over.
 
I would have done the same thing, but probably explained to her what I was doing before I bought the tickets. But her bitching about you not dropping 200 clams on Robin Williams (who you couldn't pay me 200$ to watch) on top of dinner and a second gift, in this ****** economy, on a teacher's salary, sends up a serious red flag about this broad.
 
My question would be more generally about overall expectations. Does this girl come from some money? Is she going to expect you to shower her with gifts on a regular basis even if you can't afford them? Does she work or expect to work when she graduates if she is in school?

I agree with the above poster who said you should probably have stated that with the tickets being so much you needed to lump them together to get ONE big gift, or you would get the 2 cheaper tickets, BEFORE you did it. Communication is a key as much as having realistic expectations in a relationship.
I imagine if she is still in school she has no idea about what it takes for you to balance your budget with living expenses, and loans, etc. If you have been together for 2 years, you might want to sit down and tell her how your finances work a bit. Just enough so that she might see you aren't trying to be cheap, but you have other obligations that you have to put your money into.
btw, for me and my wife, we view a nice meal as a gift to us both. That is a very cool thing because the spending time together and eating great food IS a gift.. it does cost!
 
I pretty much agree with the above posters that said it might have been better to discuss it with her beforehand- when you asked if she really wanted them "THAT bad", did you explain why you were hesitant or did you just say that? She really might not understand financial issues or have any concept of a budget. That said, it was extremely bitchy of her to throw a temper tantrum when she didn't get exactly what she wanted. There are definitely better ways of going about telling you that she didn't want tickets apart. Do you spend $200 on other things for yourself that she may see as unnecessary? I can see her getting upset if you drop $200 on a bar tab one night and then won't do it for her birthday. But being a teacher, I doubt that's the case. The real problem here is why in the hell do Robin Williams tickets cost that much???

In all seriousness, I would sit her down and, as nicely as possible, tell her that, due to your financial situation, you are more than happy to get the $100 tickets together, but something else is going to have to give. Maybe you can have dinner at home instead of going out, or just do flowers or something very small for the "other" gift. If she doesn't understand when you say that, well, she sucks.
 
Let me tell you what this means. She will want a newer car than you can afford. She will want a bigger house than you can afford, in a more upscale neighborhood than you can afford. She will want a bigger ring than you can afford, and will be disappointed in whatever you buy her.
When your are stretched out to the max trying to pay for the house and car, she will want a new couch, a new bed, and the sheets aren't good enough because the thread count is too low. When you get all that, she will want a vacation home, because one home isn't enough.
You might try to find a woman who likes you for who you are, and respects teaching as a career, and the financial limitations that come with that career.
 
Next time, find an alternate gift. Tell her that no two seats were together, period. Tell her, "I'd rather be next to you here at this restaurant than be away from you for a moment at an event we both love."


But that cow has already left the barn. Sounds like Princess has some big time growing up to do. You are catching her a little bit young, methinks. I bet her daddy gives out a bunch of economic outpatient care. Economic outpatient care... a Crutch
 
Initial reaction,like many others, is to use this signal as a valuable move on lesson.

But you say she's otherwise upstanding. The, patch up this bd/valentine thing best you can. Then, in a few weeks, sit her down and get to an understanding about each others' demands vs each others' capacity. If you two can agree and commit to a mutually respectful approach, great.

If not, move on. Just one life to live, don't spend it in hell.
 
I think the BIG RED FLAG here is that she wanted Robin Williams tickets as her birthday gift.
 
Two points:

1) It was sort of shady to get 2 seats apart, as a gift. If it wasn't as a gift, I would probably do it, but if it's for her birthday, you really don't want there to be any hassles, or possibility of a hassle. It would have been better to just say "Sorry, I couldn't get them" (or seeing as how you still have 3 weeks, just keep waiting it out, and checking craigslist) It's also not really a good idea to ask someone "is this gift good enough".

2) She overreacted. Even though she may be "down to earth" she also comes from money. She may be young and naive and trying to not be like her parents, hence the Peace Corp thing. Most likely as she gets older, (especially if she has kids) she will be wanting he stuff her parents had, and she will want her kids to have the same "advantages" she had.

I always here some stat, where couples say money is the root of most of their arguments. You guys are essentially doing the same, as recent graduates. I'm not going to say to dump her, but I think a serious talk about future plans in is order. Oh, and be very worried about the Peace Corp thing. Apparenltly it really changes peoples personality.
 
"I called and told her about it and she freaks out, cries, and goes on a total assault of my character. Calls me a cheapskate, says I wasn't being nice by buying her these tickets, says I don't care, etc. Says it's totally lame that I didn't spend an extra $70. Demands that I sell them and buy her the $90 ones. "

Anon that complains that a gift isn't nice enough, especially when youa rae budget constrained, is going to be a problem long term.
 
I see two viable options for continuing with this girl:


1. Follow the other posters' advice and have a very serious discussion about finances.


2. Borrow lots of money from Louie Anderson.
 
I don't think it's that bad of her to be upset at not having seats together.

I think you should sell the individual tickets and buy the expensive ones that are together. And not buy her another gift and go out to a nice dinner. Or do the opposite, buy her another gift and go out to a cheap dinner.

After the bday night and how she reacts is how I would judge her going forward. It's always too easy for anonymous internet users to tell you to drop a SO that you love and have spent 2 years with.

Also, my bday is V day too. As a guy, I get royally screwed that day.
 
That is strange that she acted in that way, but also works as a waitress, is going into the Peace Corps, thought a scarf and beanie was a great gift, etc. Makes no sense. Maybe she was having a really bad day? But it does seem in line with her complaining that you spend money on races. There are a lot of women that have to beg their SOs to keep in shape. It's not like you're dropping it on bar tabs and gambling.

So I see you are getting rid of the tickets you bought. What's the verdict on everything else??
 
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