how do married couples handle money?

[FondrenRoad]

I don't necessarily disagree with you. To take that even further, I think the only reason to get married in modern times is for contractual rights, rights regarding children, tax benefits, and intestate transfer of property. Outside of that, you don't need to be married to be in love or to spend the rest of your life with someone.

The problem is that sentiments change. Everyone thinks it will last forever when they get married. Still over half end in divorce. No problem with planning for a cleaner break if there is a future divorce. Marriage is a contractual obligation. Each side should make plans for what would happen at the end of the contract while they are still in control and are amicable.

If you make a contract for a service, you would generally include in the contract remedies in case of breech. That way, you already have the remedy when one side has breeched and there is a lot of animosity between the parties. Neither side wants a breech, obviously, but they plan for it in case it happens. A pre-nup serves the same function.

 

[SDhorn]

Completely comingled and it has worked for 20 years. But we kinda like and respect each other so I have no doubt that any of the other methods suggested in this thread would also work for us.

We also have similar views on spending which is very helpful. If you have one spouse who wants expensive cars, the biggest house, etc., and the other who is very frugal, no amount of communication will help.

So if you are engaged, it is much more important for you to both be truthful about your preferred lifestyle, your interests, whether and when to have kids, how to raise kids, etc. and the extent of your flexibility on such important life decisions than making a decision on how to share money.

 

[tropheus]

most people go into marriage with nothing, so a pre-nup is silly. the most common form of separate property for people who marry in their 20's is inheritance. It remains separate property unless you **** it up and comingle or use community assets to maintain that separate property. pre-nups only make sense when there are real assets going in.

 

[FondrenRoad]

In reply to:

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[tallgrant]

My wife and I put all our money into one account. We spent a lot of time reviewing expenses and building a budget while we were engaged. She's an accountant and it'd drive her nuts otherwise- she pays all the bills, and I generally stay within budget for fun stuff (with occasional exceptions, like Superbowl briskets!

).

I think its a personality thing- my in-laws have a pretty solid marriage but are doing separate checking accounts. They both are happy to be able to balance the account on their own and not be driven nuts by the other person. But I've got no clue how they allocate their money. My own parents use a single account and have no problems with it.

 

[DoobieWah]

Typically, "He" gives it all to "Her", and she buys shoes.

That was my experience anyway.

 

[XOVER]

Well, no, the only reason to have a premarital agreement is not merely if you have property going in. All that stuff is separate anyway.

The most important effect of a premarital agreement, in my view, for most young people, is to re-characterize income. Without a PA, all earnings are community. With a PA, earnings can become separate (as well as the new TV, stereo, car, etc.). Equally importantly, income from separate property can become separate property (e.g., retirement accumulations, interest on a separate CD, etc.).

It's the earnings in the relationship, and what those earning purchase and morph into, that are the point of almost every PA.

The college degree situation is a non-issue in Texas. Texas doesn't allow compensation for "being there" while, say, daddy matriculated through college and then became a brain surgeon. California may do that, Lifetime Movie Network may do that, Texas doesn't do that. Just not Texas law.

The 10-year post-divorce "alimony" rule? Most likely, that has nothing to do with daddy going through college either, unless mama has no work history, or degree, and, typically, there are children of the marriage.

There are 3 ways to be eligible for post-divorce "alimony" (technically called spousal maintenance). First, conviction of assault with a family violence finding (no time limit). Second, disability (no time limit). Third, the 10-year marriage rule (most common) wherein the receiving spouse (if the spouse succeeds at all) is limited to up to 3 years of alimony, up to 20% of the gross (max), for the purpose of assimilating into the workforce. So if mama has a job, or a degree, too, she probably gets nothing in post-divorce alimony.

Post-divorce alimony is no easy thing to get in Texas law, and is intended for very limited fact patterns.

In this marriage my wife handles all the money -- thank god I don't have to mess with it.

 

[TheFied]

Been married for 3.5 years. I do the finances. I pay all the bills. My wife is a CPA but she does other "chores" and doing finances is definitely a chore.

We have joint finances. When I hear married couples that are friends with us saying "my money" and "his money" it surprises me. I just think of it as "our" money. When I go to the bank to get cash, I get cash for her too. Usually 50/50 on that.

The 1st year of marriage, easily most of our fights were about money. Now we are on the same page and money is not a fight we have much at all. We both made changes though to get to this middle ground.

All that said, every marriage is different and different things work for different people. Good luck, man.