how do married couples handle money?

L

LAktownhorn

250+ Posts
i just got engaged.
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i make a great, great deal more than my future wife. and i don't care at all about sharing my money with her. but my dad says we should keep money separate and that i should sort of give her an allowance. the first thing i thought of was the scene in "goodfellas" when henry gives karen shopping money in the kitchen and then she does NO ORAL SEX AT ALL to him.

i know some people who share checking accounts and share with no boundaries. then i know total opposites that keep everything separate. i'd rather share. seems like it'd make the wife happier.

what do you guys do?
 
The money is all coming in from the wife while I finish school. I have a separate account with double figures in it, but it just sits there unused. In reality, we have one account, one CC, one money market and one CD. I manage it all, budget things when necessary, make our long term goals, and decide when we should slow down on spending.

This only works because both of us are somewhat frugal and have the same goal in mind right now - buy a house by year's end - so there's little desire for too many frivolous purchases.
 
I have two friends that are married and not very good with money, so don't do it like they did. They basically gave it all to an ex-CIA agent to invest for them in a top secret Chinese gold investment. Maybe I'll start a thread about it...
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My wife and I make similar amounts of money. We have a joint account where we each put in $x every month that pays the bills. We each keep our own accounts as well and are free to do what we want with that money (although neither of us do anything stupid).

If you make a great deal more, then I would almost say to do the opposite. Put everything in the joint account and then give each of yourselves an "allowance" monthly. Then you each have the same amount to do your private things and there is no "inequity" of sorts created there. The biggest thing is that you have to have great communication, set the boundaries, and both play by the rules. If either of you agree to one thing and do another, it won't work. That sounds pretty obvious, but it's important to remember.

What I would avoid is a situation where she is on an allowance but you're free to do what you want and not expected to stick to the same levels as her. That's just asking for problems.
 
I was married for over 20 yrs and my ex and I used to just share a single set of checking/savings/credit card accounts. I suppose it worked out ok other than the divorce thing
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Anyway, my gf and I have been living together for over a year now and we keep our separate accounts. We each contribute to our "shared bills" (mortgage, food, electricity, etc.) in proportion to our incomes (I make about 3 times what she does, so I pay 3/4 of those shared bills and she pays 1/4). I also have my own bills that I'm responsible for as does she. It seems to work out so far. I think she'll turn out to be a keeper
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There were many years were I made more money than my wife and it was not until the last two that things were equal. We have always put all money into one checking account and lived from there. I have never really understood how married couples live out of two or three checking accounts. If you make 70% more than your wife do you pay 70% of bills? Will you pay 70% of the kids daycare and other child expenses in the future? Who pays for dinner and if she is treating will you eat McDonalds? Will she resent you when you buy things for yourself that she can't buy for herself? I am sure it works for a lot of couples once one get the kinks worked out. How would you fill if the roles were reversed and your wife gave you an "allowance"?
 
The wife and I have one joint account and that's basically it. I have money in a trading account and the savings account associated with it in my name but I don't consider that separate money. It's just the account I had before we were married. At one point I was making more than her but the truth of it is her earning potential is much greater than mine for the foreseeable future. The last full-time job I had I was making about what she makes now but last year she made about 3x my earnings (I'm a freelancer so it's variable).

We treat all of our money as "our" money. We don't differentiate and I always thought it was a bit odd when people do have separate accounts. But both of us are also pretty responsible with our money and we don't really spend money on frivolous expenditures, so it makes it easier for us. I probably spend too much stuff on tech gear (computer equipment and camera gear.) but she's frugal to the point of being ridiculous. She feels guilty if she buys a pair of shoes that cost more than $50 (and this is a woman who earns fairly deep into the six figures, she's a keeper). We're saving up to invest in Chinese gold.
 
Guys..I've got the system all worked out. It's called the 70/30 rule.

It's simple. We wanted to combine money but also have some money to toss around without feeling guilty about it..or having to ask. I don't want to feel bad if I go blow some cash in atlantic city. And I don't want to buy her a birthday present out of a joint account which is basically just her paying for half.

So what we do is for every dollar that comes in we put 70% in the joint account and keep 30%. Now, this rule only works because we're hard core about it. I do a lot of side freelance work and everything is 70/30. She gets some money from a family trust and it's 70/30. Etc. etc.

The percentages have changed over the years. When we were in austin living was much cheaper so we did 60/40, but here in NY we went to 70/30. Out of that 70 we pay all joint expenses, any meals or drinks when we're together, and add the rest into a joint savings.

The system works perfectly because she can pay off her student loans with some of her 30% and I can buy stupid **** like aquariums or rock band guitars with mine.

Just do the math and figure out the percentage of your income that goes to joint expenses (plus what you want to save etc). Then take that much out of your checks. We have all checks go straight to a joint account and then transfer X amount out every two weeks.

A few friends tried out the 70/30 and have switched over. I need to write a book...although I just kind of did I guess.
 
The Mrs. and I all have joint accounts and pool everything. We have a budget and other saving/investing goals that we contribute toeach month. We're pretty much on the same page with money and so it isn't a big deal for us. Some months are a little more expensive for this reason or that while others are less so. Having a joint account makes these fluctuations very easy to take in stride.

Currently, the wife and I are too saving up for a big investment in either Chinese gold, foreign building materials, a Nigerian Prince who needs some help stashing some more (short term), or possibly some $200 jeans. Haven't figured out where we're gonna go yet though.
 
All income goes to a joint account, a small portion (evenly allotted) is distributed to our individual accounts monthly.

Groceries, bills, dining out comes from the joint account. Her shoes and my cycling gear are paid for from our respective accounts.
 
Everything in joint account. TX is community property state anyway (ie, if she wants to leave, she'll take 1/2 or more of your "stuff" anyway). Be upfront, then she'll know how little you have. Sage advise from a wise attorney.
 
If you are just starting out I recommend you and your bride go through this together. Financial Peace University

You can look to find a class in your area. It will be well worth it. Money is the #1 cause of stress and divorce in America.

As a Certified Workplace Instructor, I have seen this save marriages.
 
we have a system of check cards/accounts

ING - savings (mine)
ING - checking/check card (mine)
ING - savings (hers)
ING - checking/check card (hers)

Bank - Discretionary checking/check card (Joint)
Bank - Mandatory Expenses checking/check card (Joint)

100% of our money goes into our Bank - Mandatory Expenses account and then after allocating for those mandatory expenses -- mortgage, life insurance, utilities, etc., then some small amount goes to our allowance or ING accounts. The rest goes to our Discretionary account.

It works great, we just check our online balance either on our personal accounts or our Joint Discretionary accounts and we quickly know where we stand on discretionary spending. Savings also comes out of the Mandatory Expenses account.
 
We keep one checking account and one savings account. Everything we earn is deposited into that account. My wife is very frugal (to the point of ridiculousness, as mentioned earlier). I literally have to force her to spend money on herself sometimes. I am very frivolous. She does all the grocery shopping and handles all the bills. We both buy what we need and/or want from the account. If I make a big purchase (1k or more) I give her a heads up. Depending on what it is, she may or may not give me some grief about what she sees as "frivolous" spending (ie electronics, guns, etc.).

Despite the fact that I am a grad student on a stipend, I have a couple side jobs, and still account for somewhere around 70% of our income. I've made it clear that I am perfectly content going to separate accounts with equal contributions to a general fund and individual reserves to spend as we each see fit. That usually ends the discussion right there.

I keep a couple grand on the side in a "slush fund" that she is aware of, but doesn't keep account of. It's primary for vices that I know will catch here ire (i.e. gambling). She knows its there, she knows what it's going to be used for, but it keeps her out of the "loop", and thus out of my hair. I use some of the proceeds there for the occasional flowers or gift to keep all the indians on the reservation.

Works out well for us. There was some initial friction as we worked through the system, but that got worked out within the first year or two. We got a baby due in under a couple months, so ****'s gonna probably change some. Might have to actually do a budget.
 
phantomhorn sent you a link that is sponsored by dave ramsey. it would be best for you to contact a professional money mananger rather than this fraud. shoot me a PM and I'd be glad to discuss what that means.
 
My wife and i have several accounts:

2 checking
4 savings
1 ING

we pay bills in proportion to our incomes. I make quiet a bit more than her, so i pay more of the bills. percentage wise, we come out even. We both contribute to savings. We have a deal that any purchase over $100 is discussed.

It really comes down to being very business like and open about money. she makes her share and I make mine. I spend my extra money on going out to lunch. She spends hers on books and shoes. She has only said no once or twice to me spending over $100 on something, as the timing was bad.

Good luck!
 
I guess I'm surprised at the degree of separateness in accounts. Different strokes...

We've been joint checking and savings from the get go, or 28 years. We both made what we thought were good salaries, but the onset of kids and houses turned us into po' folks, and pooling the money seemed even more obvious then.

Yes, the pooling has made me less likely to spend significant money without consulting. Still, if I want something, I end up getting it. Same with her.

But pooling promotes discipline and transparancy in early years. Not a bad thing.
 
Wow. I've never really seen hate for Dave Ramsey. I certainly understand that his approach/system may not work for some people, and if you are relatively sophisiticated financially, there are certainly other, probably better, options.

But his approach is GREAT for a large chunk of Americans, most of whom don't have a lick of financial sense. My wife and I are closer to that group than the sophisticated group. We got ourselves in a pickle a few years ago, and have worked our way out of it. But we had to get back to BASICS -- good budgeting, planned spending, etc. And Dave Ramsey's FPU really helped us do that. I recommend it to any couple that is not that sophisticated (which is most couples I know -- most of us are even dumber than we think we are).

And, FWIW, we are one joint account, that's it. All money goes there. We pay family expenses, put money in savings, etc. from there. Discretionary purchases come from there -- which makes us both conscientious about our discretionary spending, as we are taking money from the "family kitty," so to speak.

It works well for us. We have a budget (although we need to revise it). Starting a few years ago, we sit down twice a month and pay bills TOGETHER, and go over our expense items of note over the last two weeks. It takes about half an hour each time -- and it's one of the best things we ever did.
 
I didn't read every response, so I hope I don't say the same thing as others, but here's my thoughts:

once you're married, there's very little mine and yours anymore. Pretty much everything is shared.

Keep in mind that the #1 cause of divorce is money. Not having firm control over your money makes life very difficult.

Start by having a firm budget-- know where you're money is going before you get it.

My husband and I budget "Blow money." We each get 60 bucks a week to blow on whatever we want, and we have 80 a week to spend together. Anything we spend above and beyong that blow money MUST be run by the other persion, PERIOD. For example, I bought some new make-up last week. I called the hubby, let him know I needed to, and then dropped 80 bucks on make-up.

The thing about blow money is:
A) you don't get to go back for more after you spend it. If you take a little extra here and there, she'll find out and it will lead to an argument.
B) You don't have to rationalize how you spend it. If I want to spend mine eating lunch out every day that week, that's my business. We never talk about what we spend out money on, unless we run out of mutual money and both kick in some personal blow money.

Anyway, the key is budgeting.
 
I'm a financial idiot and I got a lot of help taking Financial Peace University. I'm not religious, but found the mild religious overtones to the course inoffensive.

The foundation of the course is finding a way to talk about money and budget in a relationship and moving toward living debt-free and within your means. That's pretty basic stuff, but I needed it.

His general ideas about investment seem sound to me. You may want a more qualified, personal money adviser when you have something to invest. Ramsey seems like a good approach to reaching a point where you will have something to invest.

Maybe the dislike for Ramsey comes from his radio show which I've never heard. I strongly recommend the course for young persons or couples looking for ways to talk about and manage their money.
 
Three accounts is by far the way to go. We each put our checks in a central account that pays all the bills. We then each pull an equal allowance out per month. That is our money to do with as we please. That makes sure that: 1) we are never spending bill money on personal items; 2) there is no conflict between personal items; 3) there is no judgment as to cost of personal items (why are these shoes $100, why is this round of golf $60?, etc).

The bills are paid, and we each get our own money to make our own choices with.
 
Completely shared. Not bothered who makes more/ For me/us it is all about communication and trust. We don't go spending money on stupid shite and we always ask each other if we do want to buy something a little more expensive.

I think it's a bit degrading to have to have an 'allowance' unless that person is completely irresponsible.
 
All salary deposited into joint checking. Each has a retirement plan at work to which we contribute the max. About 15% of take-home automatically funds Roth accts and savings/investment acct. We pay all bills and all fun stuff from the main checking acct.
 
We have one checking account, one savings account, and one credit card. It is easy, and neither of us is all that territorial with what we make. We both have monthly spending allowances that we can use on whatever we want, but it is only a guideline, not necessarily a rule.
 
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