Greatest lyrics ever?...

Amazing, Hornfans...Amazing! I start a thread as a joke, drunk off my ***, and it turns into this. I love it, almost feel like I should put up a serious song with great lyrics
 
Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight
gonna grab some afternoon delight.
My motto's always been; when it's right, it's right.
Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night.
When everything's a little clearer in the light of day.
And you know the night is always gonna be there any way.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.

Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite
looking forward to a little afternoon delight.
Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ingite
and the thought of rubbin' you is getting so exciting.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.

Started out this morning feeling so polite
I always though a fish could not be caught who wouldn't bite
But you've got some bait a waitin' and I think I might try nibbling
a little afternoon delight.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.

Please be waiting for me baby when I come around.
We could make a lot of lovin' 'for the sun goes down.

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.
 
Our stepmom we did everything to hate her
She took us down to the edge of Decatur
We saw the lion and the kangaroo take her
Down to the river where they caught a wild alligator

Sangamon River it overflowed
It caused a mudslide on the banks of the operator
Civil War skeletons in their graves,
They came up clapping in the spirit of the aviator

The sound of the engines and the smell of the grain,
We go riding on the abolition grain train
Steven A. Douglas was a great debater,
But Abraham Lincoln was the great emancipator

Chickenmobile with your rooster tail
I had my fill and I know how bad it feels
Stay awake and watch for the data
No small caterpiller, go congratulate her

Denominator, go Decatur, go Decatur,
It's the great I Am
Abominate her, go Decatur, why did we hate her?
It's the great I Am

Denominator, go Decatur, anticipate her
It's the great I Am
Appreciate her, appreciate her,
Stand up and thank her,

Stand up and thank her,
It's the great I Am.
Stand up and thank her,
It's the great I Am.
Stand up and thank her,
It's the great I Am.
Stand up and thank her
 
You know something SunBurntOrange. Everytime I hear that song I think about the episode of Arrested where Maeby and Michael are doing kareoke to it at the company Christmas pary. They didn't know what it meant and were getting some nasty looks from the people there.
bow.gif
 
My name is burtram, i am a redneck.
All my friends, they call me burt.

(chorus):
Hi, burt!

All my family from down in texas
Make their livin' diggin' dirt.

Come out here to californy
Just to find me some pretty girls.
Ones i seen gets me so horny
Ruby lips,
N'teeth like pearls.

Wanna love 'em all.
Wanna love 'em dearly.
Wann pretty girl,
I'll even pay ...

I'll buy 'em furs. i'll buy 'em jewelry ...
I know they like me. here's what i'll say.

I'm lonesome cowboy burt.
( speakin' atcha!)
Come smell my fringe-y shirt.
( reekin' atcha!)
My cowboy pants,
My cowboy dance,
My bold advance.
On this here waitress ...

(chorus):
He's lonesome cowboy burt.
Don'tcha get his feelings hurt.

Come on in this place
An' i'll buy you a taste.
You can sit on my face.
Where's my waitress?

(chorus):
Burtram, burtram redneck.
Burtram, burtram redneck.


I'm an awful nice guy.
Sweat all day in the sun.
I'm a roofer by trade,
Quite a bundle i've made
I'm unionized roofin' old
Son-of-a-gun.

(chorus):
He's a unionized roofin' old
Son-of-a-gun.

When i get off, i get plastered.
I drink till i fall on the floor.
Find me some communist bastard
N' stomp on his face till he don't
Move no more.

(chorus):
He stomps on his face till he don't
Move no more.

I fuss an' i cuss and i keep on drinkin'
Till my eyes puff up an' turn red.
I drool on m'shirt.
I see if he's hurt.
Then i kick him again in the head, let's

Everybody:
Kick him again in the head! boys!
Kick him again in the head! now!
Kick him again in the head!

I'm lonesome cowboy burt.
( speakin' atcha!)
Come smell my fringe-y shirt.
( reekin' atcha!)
My cowboy pants,
My cowboy dance,
My bold advance.
On this here waitress ...

(chorus):
He's lonesome cowboy burt.
Don'tcha get his feelings hurt.

Come on in this place
An' i'll buy you a taste.
You can sit on my face.
Where's my waitress?
Opal, you hot little *****!
 
A festive cyo party with crepe paper streamers, contestants for the broom dance, the "hokey pokey," baked goods, & father riley making sure the lights don't go down too low...

Father riley and various party goers:
Catholic girls
With a tiny little mustache
Catholic girls
Do you know how they go?
Catholic girls
In the rectory basement
Father riley's a fairy
But it don't bother mary
Catholic girls
At the cyo
Catholic girls
Do you know how they go?
Catholic girls
There can be no replacement
How do they go, after the show?

Joe:
All the way
That's the way they go
Every day
And none of their mamas ever seem to know
Hip-hip-hooray
For all the class they show
There's nothing like a catholic girl
At the cyo
When they learn to blow...

Father riley:
They're learning to blow
All the catholic boys!

Mary:
Warren cuccurullo...

Father riley:
Catholic boys!

Mary:
Kinda young, kinda wow!

Father riley:
Catholic boys!

Mary:
Vinnie colaiuta...

Chorus:
Where are they now?
Did they all take the vow?

Father riley:
Catholic girls

Warren:
Carmenita scarfone!

Father riley:
Catholic girls

Officer butzis:
Hey! she gave me vd!

Father riley:
Catholic girls!

Warren:
Toni carbone!

Chorus:
With a tongue like a cow
She could make you go wow!

Joe:
Vd vowdy vootie
Right away
That's the way they go
Every day
Whenever their mamas take them to a show
Matinee
Pass the popcorn please
There's nothing like a catholic girl
With her hand in the box
When she's on her knees

Larry:
She was on her knees,
My little catholic girl

Chorus:
In a little white dress
Catholic girls
They never confess
Catholic girls
I got one for a cousin
I love how they go
So send me a dozen
Catholic girls
Ooooooh!
Catholic girls
Ooooooh!
(etc.)

Central scrutinizer:
This is the central scrutinizer...
Joe had a girl friend named mary.
She used to go the church club every week.
They'd meet each other there
Hold hands
And think pure thoughts
But one night at the social club meeting
Mary didn't show up...
She was sucking cock backstage at the armory
In order to get a pass
To see some big rock group for free...
 
Jason Boland — Nymphomaniac lyrics
Well welcome everybody to Willies place
You can pull up a chair or you can pull up my face
We got everything,
The only thing that we lack
is a rich young dumb nymphomaniac

I wanna rich young dumb nymphomaniac
To drive me around in her cadillac
If she's not down on her knees
She will be flat on her back
I wanna rich young dumb nymphomaniac

We'll give her great big tits
And a little bitty ***
A ******* machine that never runs out of gas
A body like nobody's ever seen before
She recently inherited a liquor store

I wanna rich young dumb nymphomaniac
To drive me around in her cadillac
If she's not down on her knees
She will be flat on her back
I wanna rich young dumb nymphomaniac

Well she doesn't wanna marry
And she doesn't wanna fight
She doesn't get two **** if I stay out all night
I bring home another woman
She just gives me a smile
Take off our clothes then we buck in a pile

I wanna rich young dumb nymphomaniac
To drive me around in her cadillac
If she's not down on her knees
She will be flat on her back
I wanna rich young dumb nymphomaniac

Make her a magic fingers mama
That can roll up my doobs
The best in the west at cooking chinese food
She doesn't to shop and she doesn't wear clothes
She always compliments me on the size of my hose

I wanna rich young dumb nymphomaniac
To drive me around in her cadillac
If she's not down on her knees
She will be flat on her back
I wanna rich young dumb nymphomaniac

We'll make her three feet tall
And stand about to here
With a flat spot on her head
So I can rest my beer

I wanna rich young dumb nymphomaniac
To drive me around in her cadillac
If she's not down her knees
She will be flat on her back
I wanna rich young dumb nymphomaniac
 
I'm sittin alone, Saturday night, watching the Late Late Show.
A bottle of wine, some cigarettes, I got no place to go.
Well, I saw your other man today; he was wearing my brand new shoes,
And I'm down to seeds and stems again, too.

Well, I met my old friend Bob today from up in Bowling Green;
He had the prettiest little gal that I'd ever seen.
But I couldn't hide my tears at all, cause she looked just like you,
And I'm down to seeds and stems again, too.

Now everybody tells me there's other ways to get high.
They don't seem to understand I'm too far gone to try.
Now these lonely memories, they're all I can't lose,
And I'm down to seeds and stems again, too.

Well my dog died just yesterday and left me all alone.
The finance company dropped by today and repossessed my home.
That's just a drop in the bucket compared to losing you,
And I'm down to seeds and stems again, too.

Got the Down to Seeds an Stems again Blues.
 
I won't post them all here, but some of my favorite Songs / lyrics are from Dallas own Bowley & Wilson and the Blue Humor Band
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This here's a jam for all the fellas
Tryin to do what those ladies tell us
Get shot down cause ya over-zealous
Play hard to get females get jealous
Okay smarty go to a party
Girls are scantily clad and showin body
A chich walks by you wish you could sex her
But you're standing on the wall like you was Poindexter
Next days function high class luncheon
Food they're serving, you're stone-cold munchin
Music comes on people start to dance
But then you ate so much you nearly split your pants
A girl starts walking guys start gawking
Sits down next to you and starts talking
Says she wants to dance cause she likes to groove
So come on fatso and just bust a move

You're on a mission and your wishin
Someone could cure your lonely condition
Lookin for love in all the wrongplaces
No fine girls just ugly faces
Some frustration first inclination
Is to become a monk and leave the situation
But every dark tunnel has a light of hope
So don't hang yourself, with a celibate rope
Your movie's showin, so you're goin
Could care less about the five you're blowin
Theater gets dark just to start the show
Then ya spot a fine woman sittin in your row
She's dressed in yellow, she says 'Hello,
come sit next to me you fine fellow.'
You run over there without a second to lose
And what comes next hey bust a move

In this city ladies look pretty
Guys tell jokes so they can seem witty
Tell a funny joke just to get some play
Then you try to make a move and she says, 'No way'
Girls are fakin goodness sakin
They want the man who brings home the bacon
Got no money and you got no car
Then you got no women and there you are
Some girls are sadistic, materialistic
Lookin for a man makes them opportunistic
They're lyin on a beach perpetrating a tan
So a brother with the money can be their man
So on the beach you're strollin real high rollin
Everything you have is yours and not stolen
A girl runs up with somethin to prove
So don't just stand there bust a move

Your best friend Harry has a brother Larry
In five days from now he's gonna marry
He's hopin you can make it there if you can
Cause in the ceremony you'll be the best man
You say neat-o, check your libido
And roll to the church in your new tuxedo
The bride walks down just to start the wedding
And there's one more girl you won't be getting
So you start thinkin then you start blinking
The bridesmaid looks and thinks that you're winking
She thinks your kinda cute so she winks back
And now your feelin really firm cause the girl is stacked
Reception's jumpin faces pumpin
You look at the girl and your heart starts thumpin
Says she wants to dance to a different groove
Now you know what to do just bust a move
 
The hulk of a man with a beer in his hand he looked like a drunk old fool

And I knew if I hit him right why I could knock him off of that stool

But everybody they said watch out hey that's the Tiger Man McCool

He's had the whole lotta fights and he's always come out winner yeah he's a winner

But I had myself about five too many and I walked up tall and proud

I faced his back and I faced the fact that he had never stooped or bowed

I said Tiger Man you're a pussycat and a hush fell on the crowd

I said let's you and me go outside and see who's the winner

Well he gripped the bar with one big hairy hand then he braced against the wall

He slowly looked up from his beer my God that man was tall

He said boy I see you're a scrapper so just before you fall

I'm gonna tell you just a little bout what it means to be a winner

He said now you see these bright white smilin' teeth you know they ain't my own

Mine rolled away like Chicklets down the street in San Antone

But I left that person cursin' nursin' seven broken bones
And he only broke ah three of mine that makes me the winner

He said now behind this grin I got a steel pin that holds my jaw in place
A trophy of my most successful motorcycle race

And each morning when I wake and touch this scar across my face
It reminds me of all I got by bein' a winner

Now this broken back was the dyin' act of a handsome Harry Clay
That sticky Cincinnati night I stole his wife away

But that woman she gets uglier and she gets meaner every day
But I got her boy that's what makes me a winner

He said you gotta speak loud when you challenge me son cause it's hard for me to hear
With this twisted neck and these migraine pains and this big ole cauliflower ear

And if it wadn't for this glass eye of mine why I'd shed a happy tear
To think of all that you gonna get by bein' a winner

I got arthritic elbows boy I got dislocated knees
From pickin' fights with thunderstorms and chargin' into trees

And my nose been broke so often I might lose if I sneeze
And son you say you still wanna be a winner

Now you remind me a lotta my younger days with your knuckles a clenchin' white
But boy I'm gonna sit right here and sip this beer all night
And if there's somethin' that you gotta gain to prove by winnin' some silly fight

Well okay I quit I lose you're the winner

So I stumbled from that barroom not so tall and not so proud
And behind me I still hear the hoots of laughter of the crowd
But my eyes still see and my nose still works and my teeth're still in my mouth
And you know I guess that makes me the winner
 
Well it took some time
cause its a lot
God, it's a bunch
It's such a big, old, black golden buzz

And yeah it took some help
with lots of machines, the experts could tell
with their equipment pushed to the max...

And sure it seems easy now but I tell you what
We were perplexed finding the needle
in the needle's disguise

And now that it's conceived, the station has all
settled down, and I'm sort of relieved, and I'm
getting over it now...
 
I met her in old mexico
She was laughing sad and young
In a smokey room no-one could see
Her favorite poets all agree
Spanish is a loving tongue but
She never spoke spanish to me

She was born in Monterey
All the Christmas songs were sung
But the padres knew what she would grow up to be
Saints and sinners all agree
Spanish is a loving tongue
But she never spoke Spanish to me

Refrain:
Like a lion screamin in the jungle-O
She'd never fool with what she couldn't see
She spoke to all the shadows in her bungalow
But she never spoke Spanish to me.

She said "If you're from Texas,son,
Where's your boots and where's your gun?"
I smiled and said "I got guns no-one can see"
She laughed at that, we both agreed
Spanish is a loving tongue but
She never spoke Spanish to me.

I left her in old Mexico....
 
"Tom Ames' Prayer," Steve Earle

"'Aw, but who the hell am I talkin' to?
There ain't no one here but me,'
So he cocked both of his pistols,
And spit in the dirt,
And walked out in that street."

Honorable Mention:

"Desperados Waiting for a Train," Guy Clark

"Gin & Juice," Calvin Broadus
 
If you could read my mind love
What a tale my thoughts could tell
Just like an old time movie
'Bout a ghost from a wishin' well
In a castle dark or a fortress strong
With chains upon my feet
You know that ghost is me
And I will never be set free
As long as I'm a ghost that you can't see
If I could read your mind love
What a tale your thoughts could tell
Just like a paperback novel
The kind that drugstores sell
When you reach the part where the heartaches come
The hero would be me
But heroes often fail
And you won't read that book again
Because the ending's just too hard to take

I'd walk away like a movie star
Who gets burned in a three way script
Enter number two
A movie queen to play the scene
Of bringing all the good things out in me
But for now love, let's be real
* I never thought I could ACT this way *
And I've got to say that I just don't get it
I don't know where we went wrong
But the feelin's gone
And I just can't get it back

If you could read my mind love
What a tale my thoughts could tell
Just like an old time movie
'Bout a ghost from a wishin' well
In a castle dark or a fortress strong
With chains upon my feet
But stories always end
And if you read between the lines
You'll know that I'm just tryin' to understand
The feelin's that you lack
I never thought I could feel this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it
I don't know where we went wrong
But the feelin's gone
And I just can't get it back
 
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free,
Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands,
With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves,
Let me forget about today until tomorrow.
 
First time I seen her sitting on a hill

Waving her tits at Buffalo Bill



Gonna tie my pecker to a tree, to a tree

Gonna tie my pecker to tree



Oh, second time I seen her, sitting on a log

Trying to get it on with an old bullfrog



Gonna tie my pecker to a tree, to a tree

Gonna tie my pecker to a tree!
 
No seriously, I think Tom Waits and Warren Zevon have the most unique lyrics out there

Well, I went home with the waitress
The way I always do
How was I to know
She was with the Russians, too

I was gambling in Havana
I took a little risk
Send lawyers, guns and money
Dad, get me out of this

I'm the innocent bystander
Somehow I got stuck
Between the rock and the hard place
And I'm down on my luck
And I'm down on my luck
And I'm down on my luck

Now I'm hiding in Honduras
I'm a desperate man
Send lawyers, guns and money
The **** has hit the fan




Best line of his ever
Well I saw a werewolve drinking a pina colada the other day at Trader Vick's
And you know what?
His hair was perfect
 
By Kirsty McColl

Oh you shouldn't have kissed me and got me so excited
And when you asked me out I really was delighted
So we went to a pub in Belsize Park
And we cheered on England as the sky grew dark

Oh you shouldn't have kissed me cause you started a fire
But then I found out that you're a serial liar

You lied about your status
You lied about your life
You never mentioned your three children
And the fact you have a wife
Now it's England 2 Colombia 0
And I know just how those Colombians feel

If you hadn't passed out while I was talking to your friend
It could have really ended badly cause you very nearly had me
If he hadn't taken pity on my heart full of desire
I might never have found out you're a serial liar

You lied about your status
You lied about your life
You forgot you have three children
You forgot you have a wife
Now it's England 2 Colombia 0
And I know just how those Colombians feel

It is not in my nature to ever pick the winning team
Sometimes I think I'm happy then I remember it's a dream
Now it isn't in my nature to ever pick a winner
I always pick a bastard who would have me for his dinner

I can never possess the object of my desire
Cause he's bound to turn out to be a serial liar
OK I didn't mention my kids, I thought I'd wait a bit
But I am free and single and he's a lying git

Cause he lied about his status
He lied about his life
He forgot he had three children
He forgot he had a wife
And it's England 2 Colombia 0
I know just how those Colombians feel

So I got into a taxi and sobbed all the way home
Called my friend up in Sao Paulo and cried down the phone
I played some tragic music and I lay down to die
But later I woke and I hadn't stopped crying

You should never have kissed me, you tasted of deceit
Your perfume was Adultery but I'm not a piece of meat
So I'll be the one that you couldn't acquire
I found out in time you're a serial liar

You lied about your status
You lied about your life
And I pity your three children
And I pity your poor wife
Now you can go to Hell
I'm going to Brazil
Still it's England 2 Colombia 0
 
Here we are, now where are we?
It's like nothing I've ever seen
We got horse-throated huckster's whispered gimmicks
Rubbernecking the curious cynics
And headlong-walkers, one born every minute
Do I plug it in? Or do I stick it in it?

I don't know what came over me
I'm too dumb for words
I didn't think I'd like it here at all
But, I swear, I swear I'm on the verge

Here we are, now who are you?
The long lost Queen's of some Hoodoo?
Well we're the last of the big-time penetrators
Playin' dead to **** the undertaker
The movie'll come out a little bit later
The Men, The Legend, The Goat, The Saytr

I don't know what came over me
I'm too dumb for words
I didn't say I'd like it here at all
But, I swear, I swear I'm on the verge

Here we are, now don't ask how
The time to leave was kinda now
Well don't cry, baby, there's no cause for grief

Deadheading's never gonna kill the Chief
It's an empty road without relief
And I'm a highway romance milking thief

I don't know what came over me
I'm too dumb for words
I didn't think I'd like it here at all
But, I swear, I swear I'm on the verge
 
Yeah, when I was only seventeen
I could hear the angels whispering
So I drove into the woods
And wandered aimlessly about
Until I heard my mother shouting through the fog
It turned out to be the howling of a dog
Or a wolf, to be exact
The sound sent shivers down my back
But I was drawn into the pack and before long
They allowed me to join in and sing their song
So from the cliffs and highest hills
Yeah, we would gladly get our fill
Howling endlessly and shrilly at the dawn
And I lost the taste for judging right from wrong
For my flesh had turned to fur
Yeah, and my thoughts they surely were
Turned to instinct and obedience to God

You can wear your fur
Like a river on fire
But you'd better be sure
If you're making God a liar
I'm a rattlesnake, babe,
I'm like fuel on fire
So if you're gonna get made
Don't be afraid of what you've learned

On the day that I turned 23
I was curled up underneath a dogwood tree
When suddenly a girl
Her skin the color of a pearl
She wandered aimlessly, but she didn't seem to see
She was listening for the angels just like me
So I stood and looked about
I brushed the leaves off of my snout
And then I heard my mother shouting through the trees
You should have seen that girl go shaky at the knees
So I took her by the arm
We settled down upon a farm
And raised our children up as gently as you please

And now my fur has turned to skin
And I've been quickly ushered in
To a world that, I confess, I do not know
But I still dream of running careless through the snow
Through the howling winds that blow
Across the ancient distant flow
To fill our bodies up like water till we know

You can wear your fur
Like a river on fire
But you'd better be sure
If you're making God a liar
I'm a rattlesnake, babe,
I'm like fuel on fire
So if you're gonna get made
Don't be afraid of what you've learned


Honorable mention goes to "The Highwayman" by the Highwaymen.
 
Uh, Breaker One-Nine, this here's the Rubber Duck You got a copy on me Pig-Pen? C'mon Uh, yeah 10-4 Pig Pen, fer sure, fer sure By golly it's clean clear to Flag-Town, C'mon Uh, yeah, that's a big 10-4 Pig-Pen, Yeah, we definitely got us the front door good buddy, Mercy sakes alive, looks like we got us a convoy Was the dark of the moon, on the sixth of June In a Kenworth, pullin' logs Cabover Pete with a reefer on And a Jimmy haulin' hogs We 'as headin' fer bear on I-One-Oh 'Bout a mile outta Shaky-Town I sez Pig-Pen, this here's the Rubber Duck An' I'm about to put the hammer on down Cause we gotta little ol' convoy, rockin' through the night Yeah we gotta little ol' convoy, ain't she a beautiful sight? Come on an' join our convoy, ain't nothin' gonna git in our way We're gonna roll this truckin' convoy, cross the USA Convoy... Convoy... Uh, breaker Pig-Pen, this here's The Duck Uh, you wanna back off them hogs 10-4, 'bout five mile or so, 10-roger Them hogs is gittin' in-tense up here By the time we got into Tulsa-Town We had eighty-five trucks in all But they's a road block up on the clover leaf An' them bears 'as wall to wall Yeah them smokies 'as thick as bugs on a bumper They even had a bear-in-the-air I sez callin' all trucks, this here's The Duck We about to go a huntin' bear Cause we gotta great big convoy, rockin' through the night Yeah we gotta great big convoy, ain't she a beautiful sight? Come on an' join our convoy, ain't nothin' gonna git in our way We're gonna roll this truckin' convoy, cross the USA Convoy... Convoy... Uh, you wanna give me a 10-9 on that Pig-Pen? Uh, negatory Pig-Pen, yer still too close Yeah, them hogs is startin' close up my sinuses Mercy sakes, you better back off another ten Well we rolled up interstate fourty-four Like a rocket sled on rails We tore up all a our swindle sheets An' left 'em settin' on the scales By the time we hit that Chi-Town Them bears was a gittin' smart They'd brought up some reinforcements From the Illinois National Guard There 'as armored cars, and tanks, and Jeeps An' rigs of every size Yeah them chicken coops 'as full a bears An' choppers filled the skies Well we shot the line, an' we went for broke With a thousand screamin' trucks And eleven long-haired friends of Jesus In a chartreusse microbus Hey Sod Buster, listen You wanna put that microbus in behind the suicide jockey? Yeah, he's haulin dynamite He needs all the help he can git Well we laid a strip fer the Jersey Shore An' prepared to cross the line I could see the bridge 'as lined with bears But I didn't have a doggone dime I sez Pig-Pen, this here's the Rubber Duck We just ain't a gonna pay no toll So we crashed the gate doin' ninety-eight I sez, let them truckers roll, 10-4 Cause we gotta mighty convoy, rockin' through the night Yeah we gotta mighty convoy, ain't she a beautiful sight? Come on an' join our convoy, ain't nothin' gonna git in our way We're gonna roll this truckin' convoy, cross the USA Convoy... Convoy... Uh, 10-4 Pig-Pen, what's yer 20? Omaha?! Well they oughta know what to do with them hogs out there fer sure Well mercy sakes alive good buddy We gonna back on outta here So keep the bugs off yer glass An' the bears off yer... tail We gonna catch ya on the flip-flop This here's the Rubber Duck on the side We gone Bye, Bye...
 
I'm going to rent myself a house
In the shade of the freeway
Gonna pack my lunch in the morning
And go to work each day
And when the evening rolls around
I'll go on home and lay my body down
And when the morning light comes streaming in
I'll get up and do it again
Amen.
Say it again
Amen.

I want to know what became of the changes
We waited for love to bring
Were they only the fitful dreams
Of some greater awakening?
I've been aware of the time going by
They say in the end it's the wink of an eye
When the morning light comes streaming in
You'll get up and do it again
Amen.

Caught between the longing for love
And the struggle for the legal tender
Where the sirens sing and the church bells ring
And the junk man pounds his fender.
Where the veterans dream of the fight
Fast asleep at the traffic light
And the children solemnly wait
For the ice cream vendor
Out into the cool of the evening
Strolls the Pretender
He knows that all his hopes and dreams
Begin and end there

Ah the laughter of the lovers
As they run through the night
Leaving nothing for the others
But to choose off and fight
And tear at the world with all their might
While the ships bearing their dreams
Sail out of sight

I'm gonna find myself a girl
Who can show me what laughter means
And we'll fill in the missing colors
In each other's paint-by-number dreams
And then we'll put our dark glasses on
And we'll make love until our strength is gone
And when the morning light comes streaming in
We'll get up and do it again
Get it up again

I'm gonna be a happy idiot
And struggle for the legal tender
Where the ads take aim and lay their claim
To the heart and the soul of the spender
And believe in whatever may lie
In those things that money can buy
where true love could have been a contender
Are you there?
Say a prayer for the Pretender.
Who started out so young and strong
Only to surrender.

Say a prayer for the pretender
Are you there for the pretender?
Say a prayer for the pretender
Are you there for the pretender?
Are you prepared for the pretender?
 
Sherry was a waitress at the only joint in town
She had a reputation as a girl who'd been around
Down Main Street after midnight with a brand new pack of cigs
A fresh one hangin' from her lips and a beer between her legs
She'd ride down to the river and meet with all her friends
The road goes on forever and the party never ends

Sonny was a loner he was older than the rest
He was going into the Navy but he couldn't pass the test
So he hung around town he sold a little pot
The law caught wind of Sonny and one day he got caught
But he was back in business when they set him free again
The road goes on forever and the party never ends

Sonny's playin' 8-ball at the joint where Sherry works
When some drunken outta towner put his hand up Sherry's skirt
Sonny took his pool cue laid the drunk out on the floor
Stuffed a dollar in her tip jar and walked on out the door
She's runnin' right behind him reachin' for his hand
The road goes on forever and the party never ends

They jumped into his pickup Sonny jammed her down in gear
Sonny looked at Sherry and said lets get on outta here
The stars were high above them and the moon was in the east
The sun was settin' on them when they reached Miami Beach
They got a hotel by the water and a quart of Bombay gin
The road goes on forever and the party never ends

They soon ran out of money but Sonny knew a man
Who knew some Cuban refugees that delt in contraband
Sonny met the Cubans in a house just off the route
With a briefcase full of money and a pistol in his boot
The cards were on the table when the law came bustin' in
The road goes on forever and the party never ends

The Cubans grabbed the goodies and Sonny grabbed the Jack
He broke a bathroom window and climbed on out the back
Sherry drove the pickup through the alley on the side
Where a lawman tackled Sonny and was reading him his rights
She stepped into the alley with a single shot .410
The road goes on forever and the party never ends

They left the lawman lyin' and they made their getaway
They got back to the motel just before the break of day
Sonny gave her all the money and he blew her a little kiss
If they ask you how this happened say I forced you into this
She watched him as his taillights disappeared around the bend
The road goes on forever and the party never ends

Its Main Street after midnight just like it was before
21 months later at the local grocery store
Sherry buys a paper and a cold 6-pack of beer
The headlines read that Sonny is goin' to the chair
She pulls back onto Main Street in her new Mercedes Benz
The road goes on forever and the party never ends
 
Up in the mornin' and out to school
The teacher is teachin' the Golden Rule
American history and practical math
You study' em hard and hopin' to pass
Workin' your fingers right down to the bone
And the guy behind you won't leave you alone

Ring ring goes the bell
The cook in the lunchroom's ready to sell
You're lucky if you can find a seat
You're fortunate if you have time to eat
Back in the classroom open you books
Gee but the teacher don't know
How mean she looks

Soon as three o'clock rolls around
You finally lay your burden down
Close up your books, get out of your seat

Down the halls and into the street
Up to the corner and 'round the bend
Right to the juke joint you go in

*Drop the coin right into the slot
You gotta hear something that's really hot

With the one you love you're makin' romance
All day long you been
Wantin' to dance
Feelin' the music from head to toe
'Round and 'round and 'round you go

(*Repeat)

Hail, hail rock'n'roll
Deliver me from the days of old
Long live rock'n'roll
The beat of the drum is loud and bold
Rock rock rock'n'roll
The feelin' is there body and soul
 
The Link



We had a little quarrel, she and I
She told me just to curl up and die
I crept out to drown my sorrows
At a joint called no tomorrows
Where the old man came and looked me in the eye
Old Blevins
I could tell he had some wisdom to impart
Some story that was etched and burned and stamped
Upon his heart
Then his eyes began to glisten
'Cause he could see that I would listen
We sat there at that bar 'til nearly three
And this is what Old Blevins said to me
He said "Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
In Tijuana blah blah blah back in 1963
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
You should have been there blah blah blah
Is what Old Blevins said to me
I sat there and I listened to his words
As they flapped around my head like little birds

Had he gone plumb 'round the bend
Or could I just not comprehend
His lips were writing lines I could not read
When suddenly, it all came clear to me
As he said "Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Then crazy hippies blah blah blah blah no effect on me
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
The great depression blah blah blah
And he would not leave me be
Old blevins was still talking when I
seized my chance to flee
Back home she's never known I'm not the fool I used to be
Buy I know that a man and woman's
lives were somehow changed
By a loathesome toothless geezer, incoherent and deranged
And my memories of that evening fuel
and inner mounting fear
That I might become old Blevins
anywhere that they sell beer
And I'll say "Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
I don't remember blah blah blah blah blah blah
Mistakes were made
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
How 'bout them Cowboys? blah blah blah
Like Old Blevins used to say
Old Blevins
Lyrics: Old Blevins, Austin Lounge Lizards
 
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