When are you too old for your parents to pay......

T

TheFied

2,500+ Posts
I am in my 30s and we have a baby less than 1. We recently went on a family road trip with my parents to take the baby to see some relatives who had yet to see him.

My Dad offered to take their Mercury Grand Marquis which is a roomy car but I told him we needed more room with the carseat (rented a 3rd row vehicle, with the baby it was easier). I told him I would pay for it... I told him just pay for your hotel room. On almost all of the gas breaks, he tried to pay but I cut him off from doing so (pay at the pump can be nice).

I used priceline and got 2 rooms for 2 nights on the trip. He insisted on paying me cash which I took and had no problem taking. We ate our meals with relatives who cooked for us so we never ate out except on some fast food stops while driving. We each paid separately as you wait in line, it wasn't like a check would have come that we would have fought for (and I know he would have tried to pay).

When we got back, one of our friends had just recently finished a big nice trip with the wife's parents and the wife's parents paid for it all. Apparently everything. Hotel, every meal, ... and our friends are our age and make relatively close in salaries.

Got me thinking. Would that make you feel uncomfortable? When I go fishing or hunting with my Dad, he ends up paying for gas and then tries to buy other stuff but I try to cut him off. At this point, I can't imagine my parents paying for everything for me yet alone my in-laws. I mean some things you want to be respectful and I understand they want to pay for. But an entire trip? That would make me feel uncomfortable.

Does that make me strange or is that normal for an adult?

And at what point are you too old to let your parents pay for everything?
 
At the earliest, when you graduate high school. At the latest, when you graduate college. And by that, I mean undergrad, not graduate school.
 
You are never too old for your parents to pay, assuming they have the means and the desire. It is one of those things as an adult you want to spread your wings and be independent but your parents still want to feel like they are your parents. Thus I think you should offer to pay your own way but also understand that this is the last thing that they have left (other than spoiling their grandkids) that make them feel like your parents.
 
When I go eat with my parents or in-laws they always pay. They know they dont have to but I can tell it makes them happy to be taking us out to dinner. Knowing that the in-laws will be paying when we go visit, I usually try to show up with a bottle of wine or something to even the deal.
 
As a former young person, I'd say, you are handling it the right way.

When going out with my 26 and/or 22 year old, we always pay. Because we want to. Yet, I want them to be independent.

I don't think dinner is the place to help them forge independence. But a paid for vacation?
 
You are never too old or too young to pay. You are never too old or to young to let someone else pay.

Remember this: accepting a gift is giving to the giver.
 
My parents still pay for anything, even when they come visit me. They're like Jerry Seinfeld's parents, I have the money, probably more than them, but they feel it's their duty and it makes them happy. And actually the "family" rule is that I agree to do it for my kids one day. It works for us....
It gets ridiculous when parents are still paying car insurance, cell phone bills, rent etc, and that is more common than I thought for post grads (college)
 
I think in most cases that parents want to pay to feel they are still relevant in their kids lives. If they can afford to let them pay if they offer. It probably makes them feel better than if you took them to dinner. I know I feel better doing things for my kids than anything could ever do for me and mine are from independent so I don't even have a choice yet.
 
plus, can see the future and in the future, the last place my 23 year old daughter (she is 13 now) wants to go is on vacation with me. if i didn't pay, she probably wouldn't go
smile.gif


never too old. i would be borderline offended if anyone tried to pay for my daughters meal in my presence, even when she's 30. i can already tell you that.
 
Depends on the situation for the kids and the parents..

If your kids can't afford a trip or vacation and you have the means to provide..then you wouldn't take them on a vacation? What if you had kids and couldn't afford to take a vacation while they were children but could once they left the house and had kids of their own?
 
Many of the posters above have good points. I think it just depends on the circumstances.

My parent's still typically try to pay for meals the times we are able to get together. My dad's reasoning is that I shouldn't worry about it "because it's just coming out of my inheritance".
 
I think you should pay for your grown up kids just enough so they appreciate it, but not so often they expect it.
 
My dad is one of those dads who will try to pay for everything. I know he'll pay, but I always take my card out and offer anyway.

When he comes to visit, we make a point of taking him out to dinner, and we tell him ahead of time that WE are going to pay.

I recognize though that I have a very "buy things to show how you feel" kind of family.

I don't think it's all that wierd that parents would take their adult kids on a vacation and pay for everything. I have a friend who just took her parents on a cruise and paid for it-- I think it's just intended to be a gift.

I say let your parents buy things for you, as long as it is within their means and not over the top.
 
As far as taking care of yourself, i.e. rent, insurance, cars, etc. once you've graduated from as much education as you plan to get, you shouldn't lean on your parents any more. As far as little things go, i.e. dinner, drinks, vacations, a wonderful woman once told me that when a man offers to pay for something you should ask him if he's sure, once, then you should say thank you and mean it. She was talking about dating but I think the same thing applies to parents. The exceptions are if they can't really afford what they're trying to pay for and their own birthdays and anniversaries. No one should ever pay for dinner on their own birthday.
 
My parents do this all the time. I always try to pay for things and they almost get offended with just my asking to pay for meals,etc.... I finally had a conversation about it with them and their comments were "You are going to get everything we own one of these days but we would rather be around to see you enjoy some of it." I had no answer to that comment and have since left it alone.
 
i end up doing my best to pay for my share of things with my dad on our fishing trips. sometimes i'll pick up tabs or shrimp and he'll grab dinner. other times we just split the bill.

my girlfriend's parents offer to pay for everything for us. they purchased our all-inclusive stay at a resort in playa del carmen. there was no way in hell i was gonna pass that up. thank you very much. let me grab us a nice dinner down there or something.

if someone wants to offer then i'm not one to turn it down. if i can afford to do something for a friend(s) then i'll do it. buying rounds of shots isn't my specialty because i don't have $40 to blow on a shot. but i'll sure as hell buy a round of beers for $20.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Weekly Prediction Contest

* Predict TEXAS-KENTUCKY *
Sat, Nov 23 • 2:30 PM on ABC

Recent Threads

Prediction Results Threads

2024 Schedules

Back
Top