things to do with dad if you knew he had 1 yr

J

jmrob93

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My dad had a stage 3 melanoma removed in April and this week he had a follow up and they found a spot on his lung. He is getting the testing done today. Nothing for sure, but it does lead you to consider your parent's life. As a pastor, I know where my dad' s headed when he dies. He made every sacrifice to go to all my football games and trackmeets as a teenager and we literally went duck or deer hunting every weekend in the fall growing up. We have spent uncountable hours fishing together as well. We hunt and fish together all the time-- as he's getting older--I find myself acting like he did when I was young-- making sure he has the best chance at the big buck- or the big fish. We have been building a cabin together for 2 years and will keep working on it. As I think on it, other than going fly fishing together, I can't think of any particular thing I want to do--other than spend quantity time vs the usual " quality time"--if faced with a similar time table-- what would be on your to do list if you knew you had only a year with your dad?
 
This really hits home, as my parents are in their eighties, it makes me think.
Sounds like you spend quite a bit of quality time with your dad already. Are there things he likes but you don't share-maybe he would like to do a couple of things of that nature? Does he like art museums and you don't, or something like that?
I suppose the main thing is spending the time together-it is so hard while working, fixing up the house, everything that demands time these days-to take the time spend quality time with family members. I'm going to try to be better about this.
It's important.
 
My dad is an avid golfer. After he retired several years ago, he began working as a marshall/starter at one of the private clubs near his house. for his 75th birthday, I took him to Scotland as a birthday gift to play golf. We went last summer and he still talks about it. He'll stop people he doesn't even know and tell them about the trip. It is something he (and I) will always treasure.

Why not take your dad someplace comparable but take him fishing? You and he will both enjoy it.
 
Go to a baseball game at one of the historic parks.

My sister and I had tickets for a Cubs game at Wrigley this June. He had not been to a game as long as I have been around (50+ years). When we told him we had tickets, that is all he talked about. Told his doctors and all the nurses. He died the week before we were supposed to go to the game.
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Wish now we had done it when we first talked about it a few years ago.
 
If I could roll back the clock, I'd spend as much time as I could recording my Dad telling all of his old stories, and maybe a few I've never heard and talking about family history. All of those little things about what his parents and grandparents were really like and all the **** he did when was a kid.
 
This isn't something to necessarily do together but for you I recommend that you read Tuesdays with Morrie if you haven't already.

It's a short read, but it really sheds some light on the process of living and dying.
 
It's a little late this year, but you could take him to Alaska and do all kinds of fishing. It's really not that expensive if all you've heard about are the Orvis lodges and such.

For me, fishing is only sort of about the fish. Go somewhere and make a good dinner, play some dominos and then fish under some lights. You can even fly fish for flounder during the fall run.
 
My dad and I both like cycling. I picked it up in college and got pretty good, he picked it up shortly thereafter to lose some weight and lost 25 pounds in only a few months.

I've gone on a few long-distance tours, one in a group, and one by myself. I'd go on a long-distance tour with him, if he was healthy enough to do it. Probably through California, where he grew up, and we could also visit most of his side of the family along the way.

Basically figure out what you both love to do and do it together.
 
BTW, don't finish the cabin yet. Not if you can enjoy it as it is.

People have a way of hanging on until the last loose ends are tied up and no longer than that.
 
One of my cousins recorded my grandmother when my cousin became interested in genealogy. She asked Grandma about her relatives that she could remember from the old country ( came over in 1900 from what is now Latvia), and now we have this memory of my grandmother.
So the recording idea is a good one.
I took my dad to the new antique car museum in San Marcos a few days ago-some beautiful cars are there, if any of your dads are into old cars. Just takes a couple of hours to go through it.
 
a couple of years ago my dad and I finally did our African Safari we had been talking about. My dad just finally said he's getting old and doesn't know how much longer he'd be in good enough health to do it. Funny thing is that right after we paid for the trip he ended up having a triple bypass. He worked at rehabbing harder than he had done anything in a long time to make sure he made that trip. We both will have those memories forever.

All of that being said, if we felt that the time was coming close (like in the next year) then I think it would be time for us to our ultimate quest. Hit all 50 BBQ joints on the Texas Monthly 50 best BBQ. We've probably already gone to 7 or 8 of them, but the next 40+ would be a blast.
 
my dad isn't old or anything, but we've never really had much to talk about or much in common. it's bothered me more since i got married 2 yrs ago and seem to have more in common with my FiL. anyway, we were in dallas earlier this year and somehow started talking about my dad's family. we pulled out this old book and started tracing things back. it was a lot of fun and i think we both enjoyed it. after i got home, i did more online searching and found even more articles about the people we came from. i know he really appreciated it.

i will say, if my dad had a year left, i would do as much as i could with him. i know he loves texas football games and going to ranger games.

hopefully you get good news regarding your dad and you guys will have plenty of time to finish all the things you've started.
 
Lot's of good stuff here that I was thining about as I read on. I would suggest/agree with the following:

1. Hunt of a lifetime for him. Could be a monster buck from S Texas or the midwest. Could be a bear hunt or an African Safari. Every hunter has their dream hunt.

2. Fishing trip of a lifetime. Could be Alaska, could be Canada, could be offshore. You can also get a guided tour of the Texas bass hot spots I think.

3. Go to a baseball game. I like the historic part. Time and money permitting you could even go on a baseball tour of the NE (Yanks, Red Sox, O's, etc), Midwest (Cubs, Brewers, Cards, etc) or West (Dodgers, Padres, etc).

That's all I have as far as things to do. I would think it really doesn't matter what you do as long as you do it together and take it all in. Cherish every steak dinner, every beer, every hand of cards, etc.
 
Ask him how he was awarded 3 bronz stars in WWII. Do it privately, late at night, and don't take no/ingrained humilty for an answer....

After he is done, promise him you will take care of every loose end he ever left, even if you know you will fail miserably at it.
 
Have a real conversation with him. He was hard to talk to but I tried but should have tried harder

Tell him I love him.

Do those things before it is too late.

I can't ..he has been dead for over six years
 
jmrob93 - you should consider yourself blessed to have such a wonderful father. From the tone of your email, I think you already know that.

I lost my dad back in 2000 due to his chronic alcoholism (liver failure). After his death, I stayed mad at him for many years, but these days, I simply pity him. I suppose his "negative" role model turned out to be a positive for me. No one in my family drinks.

I know your dad would enjoy "the trip of a lifetime", but I suspect all he really needs is your time. A trip would be great, but if you can't swing that, then just give him more of your time......that is the best gift!
 
Fly fishing is a great way to spend more time together and sounds like something you both enjoy. Plenty of beautiful places to fly fish in Central Texas year round (if that's your location). Float the San Marcos together in a canoe, go after trophy trout on the Guadalupe in the winter, wear yourself out catching Guadalupe Bass on the Llano, sight cast to tailing reds at Port A, etc. Not to mention any number of more exotic destinations. Plus, it's a mentally and physically therapeutic activity for those facing trying times. If you have kids, bring them along occasionally to pass along the joy of fly fishing and let them spend quality time together. Sharing the art of fly fishing with the next generation is a wonderful legacy to leave.
 
I am sorry to hear the bad news, but fortunately you have been clever enough to treasure your father all along.

With a little luck with his health and the Horn's play, I would recommend a trip to the Rose Bowl to watch the Horns win another National Championship.

During my Dad's last month, at his condo, we watched Ricky break the rushing record against the Aggies. We screamed so loud that a neighbor called the cops thinking my Dad was being assaulted.

The cop turned out to be a football fan and had a good laugh with us, but turned down a Shiner Beer.
 
A few years ago, my Mom went from "hmmmm.... that's strange..." to dead, in five weeks. I wish to God I had known about this, at that time. Today, I wouldn't hesitate. I have no stake in it other than what I just said. Just watch it. phoenixtearsmovie.com/
 
Well the results came back today rom MD Anderson--- nothing abnormal

Going to the farm to work on the cabin Saturday--quantity time still applies
 
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