Something's been bothering me..

Knoxville-Horn

Knoxville-Horn

1,000+ Posts
I guess this is the correct forum....

Y'all tell me if I'm crazy or my viewpoint is just "out of touch."

It all began a couple of months ago. A friend of mine came to me and told me that she was going to be a surrogate for a couple in KY. She was going to get artificially impregnated because the female couldn't have children.

At first, I thought it was a good idea. She's going to help a family AND make a bunch of money. However, I come to find out that she's not carrying their embryo; she's going to get HERSELF pregnant with his sperm -- for money.

Now, it's not really any of my business to judge her. Therefore, I didn't say anything to the contrary. I, personally, feel that she's giving away her own flesh and blood as - genetically - half the child will be hers.

Fast-forward to a viewing of Juno last month. I know it's a movie, but I had a problem with her giving the child away at the end. I guess an argument could be made that - in most cases - the child might be better off with a loving, married couple as opposed to a couple of high-schoolers. However, the girl in the movie had perfectly loving and capable parents that could have raised or helped her raise the child her/themselves.

I'm not trying to turn this into an adoption/abortion debate. I just don't see how people can casually give away their own flesh and blood. God forbid, my daughter gets pregnant. But, if something happened, there is no way on God's green earth that I'd stand by while she gave up my grandchild. I don't mean to sound militant. I wouldn't be locking her in her room for 9 months. I'm speaking of being there for the both of them and offering anything she would need as far as having and raising the child.

Am I crazy?

P.S. I'm not even Italian nor am I a member of the Bluth family. I just find it hard to believe that adults can so casually dismiss a member of their own flesh and blood.
 
As an adopted child, I'm gonna say you need to put things in perspective.

DNA is the smallest part of being a parent or any kind of family member. I don't know anyone I'm biologically related to. But I've got a family, and good luck convincing me that somehow my family means less than anyone else's because I don't share DNA with them. My parents are the people that raised me, not a pair of 19-year-olds in community college (this is all I know about my biological parents). My brother is the one that played soccer with me in the backyard and fought me for the front seat. My grandparents are the people I visited in the Summer.

Some people need to get over the whole "flesh and blood" thing. You become a parent by raising a child, not by contributing genetic material.
 
Does being adopted cause a child to choose a username that begins with "blue"? This would seem to favor the nurture argument.
 
I think you are mis-interpreting my post.

I am not against adoption at all. I know it's the appropriate option in many circumstances.

I guess what I'm getting at is that the child should come first for a family. To me, whether my daughter got pregnant at the age of 16 (God forbid) or after she was married at the age of 30, the child is still my grandchild.

In the first example, I think what bothers me about it is the decision to give up a part of oneself, albeit genetically, for money. She would never consider doing it for free.

In the second example, I just felt the characters in the movie had the love, money, relationships, etc.. to raise the child themselves as opposed to giving the child to a single mom - who, by the way, was a little bit nutty.

Again, I am not against adoption and would damn well favor that over abortion or raising the child in an adverse climate - drugs, alcohol, abuse...

Blue: You mentioned that you were adopted and that has obviously shaped your beliefs. My beliefs may have been shaped by the fact that I went through an ugly custody battle over my daughter. One in which the mother was trying to keep me from my daughter for no other reason than that she was bitter about the breakup.

Things are fine now as my daughter and I are very close. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty good friends with her mother as well. My girl will be a future Lady Longhorn soccer player.
hookem.gif
 
Exactly what I was going to say... Guess I can take that one off my Netflicts list. Serious... you should warn people if you're going to give spoilers.
 
i'm with you on this. adoption is perfect for a great many people. in that movie, i'm not so sure it was the right option. if my daughter got pregnant in high school, god forbid, i can guarantee you that we (her parents) and my parents would absolutely make sure that we gave all the support necessary to raise that child and would never even CONSIDER giving it up for adoption.

so while i certainly understand when it is the right choice for the right situation, there would never be a situation where this would be right for me unless it had something to do with rape/incest.

having said that, at 17 my answer would have been the absolute complete opposite.
 
Don't believe mine has ever been consistently below 60, and I'm a cardio freak - four marathons including a couple at 3:30 and 3:35. Hill work on a mountain bike, kayaking, etc. Does pulse rate have anything to do with blood pressure? Went on high blood pressure medication just about a year ago.
 
My grandmother shares your viewpoint. Any time the fact that someone is adopted was mentioned her refrain was "I can't believe someone would give up their own baby." I heard it numerous times growing up - the whole idea just astonishes her.
My husband is adopted and I sometimes wondered if she might be slightly prejudiced against him. Or I wonder if she actually contemplated it herself before raising 5 kids in a broken home.
 
Sorry about the lack of a ***spoiler*** in the title.

I don't think it is selfish to insist that a child keep his or her baby. I think the opposite is true. To me, adoptions are:
1) Due to unfit parents (drugs, age, etc..) or,
2) A matter of inconvenience. (We don't have time for a baby, it was a mistake, etc...)

Obviously, I can't disagree with an adoption in #1; however, I would do everything I can to raise the child myself. I mean, what better person to give an unwanted child to than your own parent?

I guess the root of my issue lies with #2. At what point is giving your child away a better option? I understand that not every child is planned for years in advance and mistakes do occur. So, I would try to distinguish between the following:

Are you giving your child away because you honestly cannot take care of him or her OR are you giving your child away because you're too lazy to make a lifestyle change, or it's the convenient way out? That's the one that bothers me.

As per the egg donor. This question is quite a bit morally different than the one I've just addressed. Your posts are getting into a gray area with me. I personally would never, ever donate sperm. The thought of having one or multiple children out there that are genetically half mine kind of freaks me out. To each his or her own though.

The distinguishing characteristic to me is that she did NOT do it because it was the right thing to do. She did it for money. She was looking to make money in something other than a full-time job. Again, to each his or her own. I just wouldn't do it.
 
I think the biggest problem with the original post is the perception that giving up a child (or abortion) is casual in nature at all. I think people generally agonize over what is the best course of action.
 
I think I can offer perspective on this since it hits pretty close to home for me. After having two birth children, my wife and I adopted three children through Texas DHS after fostering them for several years. One of the adopted children is now 17 and gave birth to a baby last month. She is not capable of raising the baby herself, so if the little guy was not adopted, then my wife and I would be responsible. After raising five children ourselves with the youngest now 13, we were not emotionally or physically able to start all over again with a newborn.

Fortunately, we were able to arrange a private adoption through our Church. The adoptive couple was ecstatic. They have the financial, emotional and physical wherewithal to provide a great home for the little guy. They were as ecstatic as we were when we received our gift of three children. In this situation, adoption was absolutely the right choice. For those wondering, the choice would be the same if this had happened to one of my birth children
 
BlueGrassHorse:

You need to chill out. You've called me selfish - twice and now another poster a "real winner." The topic is for discussion; not to throw around insults. Some people have a different opinion than you do for different reasons.

I think selfish would apply to parents that DON'T want to be involved in helping their children or grandchildren. Maybe my caring could be termed "misplaced" but certainly not selfish.
 
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