she's pregnant
- Thread starter BJCard
- Start date
washparkhorn
2,500+ Posts
Welcome to a whole new life.
(Congrats).
(Congrats).
Seven with Brad PItt
Go watch that and see if the ending doesn't totally freak you out in a different way than you have ever known. You can pretty much expect that for the rest of your natural life....
On and Congrats!
Go watch that and see if the ending doesn't totally freak you out in a different way than you have ever known. You can pretty much expect that for the rest of your natural life....
On and Congrats!
Left Hand Black
25+ Posts
Pray that you don't have twins. It's cool now, when they're 8 yrs old, but for the first 3-5 months...........
wherzwaldo
1,000+ Posts
Our son is 8.5 months old, and it's pretty cool to think back on our lives when we found out, and how much everything has changed since.
My advice:
- Be supportive of your wife throughout her pregnancy, since her mood will change, her clothes will stop fitting, etc.
- Do not submit to a couples baby shower. Establish that ASAP before any of the planning begins. I have known too many guys who have been dragged to baby showers and felt completely emasculated afterward. (By this, I mean the "traditional" baby shower, diaper cake, games, all that girly stuff. However, if you have a cool idea in mind that accommodates both genders, go for it.)
- When it comes time for your wife to go into labor and/or deliver, remember that both of you, and nobody else, decide who's in the delivery room with you. Whatever you two are comfortable with, and don't be afraid to ask people to leave. When my wife hit her 19th hour of labor with both of us running on two hours of sleep, I finally had to kick my in-laws out of the L&D room because they had been in there all day and were driving us bonkers.
- Speaking of the delivery - I watched the whole thing from start to finish, and I think every guy should. It is an incredible experience, and your love for your wife will go to a whole different level.
- You may luck out and get a baby that sleeps through the night early (our son started at 2.5 months) but yeah, as others have said, the first couple of weeks in particular will be quite a shock to anything you've ever known. Sleep whenever the baby sleeps; don't waste that time screwing around on the computer instead or you will regret it like we did.
- Finally, you are going to get a lot of people offering you a lot of advice, and sometimes conflicting advice. Once you start to get the hang of things as parents, most of the time you should probably just politely accept when someone tells you "how they did it" and then just go figure it out for yourself. (Kind of ironic to bring this up since you asked for advice, but whatever.)
My advice:
- Be supportive of your wife throughout her pregnancy, since her mood will change, her clothes will stop fitting, etc.
- Do not submit to a couples baby shower. Establish that ASAP before any of the planning begins. I have known too many guys who have been dragged to baby showers and felt completely emasculated afterward. (By this, I mean the "traditional" baby shower, diaper cake, games, all that girly stuff. However, if you have a cool idea in mind that accommodates both genders, go for it.)
- When it comes time for your wife to go into labor and/or deliver, remember that both of you, and nobody else, decide who's in the delivery room with you. Whatever you two are comfortable with, and don't be afraid to ask people to leave. When my wife hit her 19th hour of labor with both of us running on two hours of sleep, I finally had to kick my in-laws out of the L&D room because they had been in there all day and were driving us bonkers.
- Speaking of the delivery - I watched the whole thing from start to finish, and I think every guy should. It is an incredible experience, and your love for your wife will go to a whole different level.
- You may luck out and get a baby that sleeps through the night early (our son started at 2.5 months) but yeah, as others have said, the first couple of weeks in particular will be quite a shock to anything you've ever known. Sleep whenever the baby sleeps; don't waste that time screwing around on the computer instead or you will regret it like we did.
- Finally, you are going to get a lot of people offering you a lot of advice, and sometimes conflicting advice. Once you start to get the hang of things as parents, most of the time you should probably just politely accept when someone tells you "how they did it" and then just go figure it out for yourself. (Kind of ironic to bring this up since you asked for advice, but whatever.)
Don't get caught up in keeping up with the Mrs. Jones and the judgmental wenches who think you don't love your baby if you don't buy your baby a $1000 stroller and the latest infant/toddler hoopla.
Stick with cheap/used/borrowed/stolen toys, clothes, and furniture, and save the money for college fund and other things. Our $100 Graco stroller from Wal-Mart with detachable car seat is awesome 3 years later.
Let your families buy the nice clothes, you can buy garbage bags full of second hand clothes for $20 - 30 all over the place. Craigslist is your best friend. Consignment stores are awesome too. Picked up a bouncy truck he can play in for $20 bucks...they are $80+ new, and he was done with it in 6 mos.
If it can't hurt the baby, the baby can't hurt it, and it keeps the baby/toddler entertained (quiet) then it's an absolutely fantastic toy. Even if it's just a wooden spoon.
Best thing we ever did, when we put the boy down for a nap or the night, he was down. If he cried when we put him down we gave him 10 min, if he was still crying then we'd go check. But you really do learn very quickly what their cries mean. At that stage, there are only a handful of reasons: dirty diaper, hungry, tired, gas. Process of elimination will help you figure it out as well.
Don't feel like a bad parent because you put them in the crib just so you don't have to personally entertain them. They will either sleep or play with something in the crib eventually, leaving you to do what you need to do: watch a game, play video games, or just stare at the ceiling trying to catch up with your new world.
Don't be uptight, just relax and have fun with it. Keep in mind we've been doing this as a species for 50k plus years, and much of that time there weren't books and doctors.
Stick with cheap/used/borrowed/stolen toys, clothes, and furniture, and save the money for college fund and other things. Our $100 Graco stroller from Wal-Mart with detachable car seat is awesome 3 years later.
Let your families buy the nice clothes, you can buy garbage bags full of second hand clothes for $20 - 30 all over the place. Craigslist is your best friend. Consignment stores are awesome too. Picked up a bouncy truck he can play in for $20 bucks...they are $80+ new, and he was done with it in 6 mos.
If it can't hurt the baby, the baby can't hurt it, and it keeps the baby/toddler entertained (quiet) then it's an absolutely fantastic toy. Even if it's just a wooden spoon.
Best thing we ever did, when we put the boy down for a nap or the night, he was down. If he cried when we put him down we gave him 10 min, if he was still crying then we'd go check. But you really do learn very quickly what their cries mean. At that stage, there are only a handful of reasons: dirty diaper, hungry, tired, gas. Process of elimination will help you figure it out as well.
Don't feel like a bad parent because you put them in the crib just so you don't have to personally entertain them. They will either sleep or play with something in the crib eventually, leaving you to do what you need to do: watch a game, play video games, or just stare at the ceiling trying to catch up with your new world.
Don't be uptight, just relax and have fun with it. Keep in mind we've been doing this as a species for 50k plus years, and much of that time there weren't books and doctors.
Don't get too caught up in it. I'm more than half-serious.
For whatever reason, a lot of parents today practically worship their kids. You and your wife are still number one - don't ever let the kids change that.
Be good, be patient, be loving. Don't be overbearing, don't act like your kid is the best kid ever, don't think that the world revolves around you or your kid.
Let them grow up and make mistakes.
There's a neat book (not really parenting) by Ayelet Waldman (of "Bad Mother" fame, if that rings a bell).
Imo, the parents (usually mothers) who complain most against Ms. Waldman are the types of mothers/parents who are misguided if not dysfunctional.
But congrats. I hope everthing goes well and everybody remains healthy.
For whatever reason, a lot of parents today practically worship their kids. You and your wife are still number one - don't ever let the kids change that.
Be good, be patient, be loving. Don't be overbearing, don't act like your kid is the best kid ever, don't think that the world revolves around you or your kid.
Let them grow up and make mistakes.
There's a neat book (not really parenting) by Ayelet Waldman (of "Bad Mother" fame, if that rings a bell).
Imo, the parents (usually mothers) who complain most against Ms. Waldman are the types of mothers/parents who are misguided if not dysfunctional.
But congrats. I hope everthing goes well and everybody remains healthy.
King Dusty
100+ Posts
Change your username, 'cause those days are probably over!
Huckleberry
1,000+ Posts
Do you think of yourself as someone that is capable of killing another human being?
If not, wait about 10 months and then imagine someone threatening your baby.
On that note, congratulations. It's awesome.
If not, wait about 10 months and then imagine someone threatening your baby.
On that note, congratulations. It's awesome.
Y
YoLaDu
Guest
1. If you enjoy seeing movies in a theater, say goodbye to that.
2. If you like to leisurely get up in the morning whenever you want, say goodbye to that.
3. If you have a neat and orderly house, say goodbye to that.
4. Do you have a lot of friends who are single or childless, say goodbye to them.
5. Calculate the amount of time it takes to do the most mundane things in your life. Now multiply that time by 4.
Now my experience is different, because my wife and i had twins, but everything changes. You will be told this 100 times in the next 2 years: but when you are at your wits end, sit back and take a breathe and enjoy it. You only get to experience the firsts in your life and your child's life once. Savor every moment.
One of the biggest regrets i have was not keeping a journal everyday. Even if it was just writing two sentences about what the day was like, something cute he did, something amazing she said or how they reacted to a face i made.
I have forgotten so much already. Re-reading a journal would sure be nice to bring all those wonderful memories clearly flooding back.
2. If you like to leisurely get up in the morning whenever you want, say goodbye to that.
3. If you have a neat and orderly house, say goodbye to that.
4. Do you have a lot of friends who are single or childless, say goodbye to them.
5. Calculate the amount of time it takes to do the most mundane things in your life. Now multiply that time by 4.
Now my experience is different, because my wife and i had twins, but everything changes. You will be told this 100 times in the next 2 years: but when you are at your wits end, sit back and take a breathe and enjoy it. You only get to experience the firsts in your life and your child's life once. Savor every moment.
One of the biggest regrets i have was not keeping a journal everyday. Even if it was just writing two sentences about what the day was like, something cute he did, something amazing she said or how they reacted to a face i made.
I have forgotten so much already. Re-reading a journal would sure be nice to bring all those wonderful memories clearly flooding back.
As a first time dad of a (now) 9-month-old, I could write for a couple hours on the topic.
Lots of good advice from posters above. A couple things I might add:
- Take a trip with your wife while you still have time. Once the 3rd trimester (and then, the baby) comes along, your travelling days are going to be difficult, if not impossible - and certainly will be different types of trips that you had before (hiking, Vegas, skiing, etc.? Nope!).
- Accept help when offered, but don't get offended if people give you advice. Other parents love to talk about what worked for them. As a new parent, it sometimes sounds like they are either trying to brag or trying to subtly criticize what you are doing. I don't think either is the case. I think they (read: we) are just so excited about the kids that talking about it helps relive an exciting (and sometimes painful) time - not to mention, a real desire to be helpful.
- Find a support group - especially for your wife. My wife joined one of the Meetup.com groups that have playdates for the kids and lets her get out of the house and commiserate with other new moms.
- I recommend reading the books (What to Expect or others like it) and attending the classes offered by the hospital. Both were really helpful to me (as someone without younger siblings and zero experience with infants). But, don't allow them to freak you out about all the things that could go wrong.
- If possible, attend all the OB/GYN appts during the pregnancy. They are usually pretty boring. But, your wife is likely going to be freaking out for all kinds of reasons (the baby isn't kicking enough, the baby is kicking too much, the baby is hiccuping a lot, etc, etc, etc). Plus, if she gets bad news at an appt, she will need you there. We had a very scary diagnosis at our 28 week appt (everything turned out fine), but I can't imagine if my wife had to get that kind of news without support.
- Be prepared for major life changes. It isn't just about all the time with the baby or the lack of sleep. But, there is a bunch of new stress. Once we had the little guy, my concerns over job security increased 1000% because you now have so many more responsibilities. Plus, your current friends are likely to react in unexpected ways. Some will want to come over several times a week. But many will assume you are tired and busy, so trying to be considerate, they decide that they would be bothering you by getting in contact.
- If you are going to redecorate the nursury, do it early. It isn't uncommon for babies to decide to arrive a month or more earlier than expected (as we found out).
Hope that helps a little.
Good luck and congratulations.
Lots of good advice from posters above. A couple things I might add:
- Take a trip with your wife while you still have time. Once the 3rd trimester (and then, the baby) comes along, your travelling days are going to be difficult, if not impossible - and certainly will be different types of trips that you had before (hiking, Vegas, skiing, etc.? Nope!).
- Accept help when offered, but don't get offended if people give you advice. Other parents love to talk about what worked for them. As a new parent, it sometimes sounds like they are either trying to brag or trying to subtly criticize what you are doing. I don't think either is the case. I think they (read: we) are just so excited about the kids that talking about it helps relive an exciting (and sometimes painful) time - not to mention, a real desire to be helpful.
- Find a support group - especially for your wife. My wife joined one of the Meetup.com groups that have playdates for the kids and lets her get out of the house and commiserate with other new moms.
- I recommend reading the books (What to Expect or others like it) and attending the classes offered by the hospital. Both were really helpful to me (as someone without younger siblings and zero experience with infants). But, don't allow them to freak you out about all the things that could go wrong.
- If possible, attend all the OB/GYN appts during the pregnancy. They are usually pretty boring. But, your wife is likely going to be freaking out for all kinds of reasons (the baby isn't kicking enough, the baby is kicking too much, the baby is hiccuping a lot, etc, etc, etc). Plus, if she gets bad news at an appt, she will need you there. We had a very scary diagnosis at our 28 week appt (everything turned out fine), but I can't imagine if my wife had to get that kind of news without support.
- Be prepared for major life changes. It isn't just about all the time with the baby or the lack of sleep. But, there is a bunch of new stress. Once we had the little guy, my concerns over job security increased 1000% because you now have so many more responsibilities. Plus, your current friends are likely to react in unexpected ways. Some will want to come over several times a week. But many will assume you are tired and busy, so trying to be considerate, they decide that they would be bothering you by getting in contact.
- If you are going to redecorate the nursury, do it early. It isn't uncommon for babies to decide to arrive a month or more earlier than expected (as we found out).
Hope that helps a little.
Good luck and congratulations.
Weekly Prediction Contest
* Predict TEXAS-KENTUCKY *
Sat, Nov 23 • 2:30 PM on ABC
Recent Threads
-
Controversial opinions
- Started by Driver 8
- Replies: 675
- Quackenbush's
-
The Bible was created by man
- Started by Crockett
- Replies: 90
- Quackenbush's
-
Random ignorant comments
- Started by Chop
- Replies: 3
- Quackenbush's
-
Happy Mother’s Day
- Started by Dionysus
- Replies: 6
- Quackenbush's
-
Reflections on Reaching Age 80
- Started by HornHuskerDad
- Replies: 14
- Quackenbush's
-
Eclipse 2024
- Started by Dionysus
- Replies: 36
- Quackenbush's
-
PSA
- Started by SabreHorn
- Replies: 12
- Quackenbush's
Prediction Results Threads
