I'm sad because it's almost the end of that time of year when teams whose fans consider us rivals, let's call them Junior Aggies, are quickly dispatched and sent back to their holes. It's a marvelous period of Cougar High jokes, flying tortillas, temporary bleachers, 0.0 GPAs, pink smoke, quarterbacks who like to be hit and, of course, sacred soil. This is the time of year, my friends, when our so-called "rivals" visit our boards and attempt to layeth down the smacketh. It is a fun time, a time to revel in our superiority and chuckle at their inferiority. We're elitist and they suck. As TPE so brilliantly put it, don't talk **** if you suck. And yet they still come.As I was sitting here lamenting the demise of this period of our schedule, as we steam toward real football games, I thought it might be fun to classify our various opponents. Here's the scheme I came up with.
JUNIOR AGGIES: Schools that consider us rivals, but the sentiment is not reciprocated. They're ******* wannabes.
COUGAR HIGH -- A few weeks ago the Sand Aggies might have claimed the crown of being the no. 1 Junior Aggies, but no more. Not only have these guys scored points on the engineering front, but the efforts by their players to engage in Jay Brooks-esque smack puts them over the top. Mack's so mad he's going to run up the score. I ******* love that.
SAND AGGIES -- I don't think we need to say much here. Someone told their fans recently to have a "sand cocktail" and shut the **** up. I couldn't agree more. For further reading, I suggest finding the brilliant thread about Kliff Kingsbury that's been atop this board for many days.
PURPLE POWER -- I'm referring to, of course, Texas Christian. Where are their fans this year? With Franchione gone, along with pretty much their entire mid-level team from last year, so are their aspirations for glory. These guys are going to be lucky to be flying coach class from here on out.
BAD TEAMS, BUT THEY KNOW IT: Pretty self-explanatory. These guys suck, but at least for the most part, they acknowledge it.
RICE -- They suck, but they do so with class. Plus their running game is good practice for Nebraska.
BAYLOR -- Go Greg Cicero. Who can root against him? Besides, one day soon they're going to lay one on the sheep farmers, and we'll all thank them for that.
MISSOURI -- They could be good in a couple years, they have a nifty head coach and a pleasant stadium. If K-State declines, these guys could benefit.
KANSAS -- No comment necessary. Thanks for hosting Chris Simms' coming out party last year. Good luck finding a new coach.
OKLAHOMA STATE -- Beat Texas A&M this weekend. Please. We promise not to run up the score if you do.
IOWA STATE -- Hope you had fun last season. In a few years ago you'll be thinking it was all a pleasant dream.
ARKANSAS -- Oh yes, you suck this year. Bad. Isn't that a shame. Try scoring a touchdown for a change.
WORTHY OF RESPECT: Meaning, we don't immediately think disparaging thoughts when the possibility of them playing us tough is raised.
COLORADO -- Before we joined the Big XII these guys waxed us in a home-and-home series. They don't deserve respect for how they have *****-slapped Marcus Houston, but with their beautiful campus and tradition, they won't be down for long. Besides, it's a great place to travel for a road game.
KANSAS STATE -- I hate them, and their coach too, but you've got to respect how he's turned the program around. Not to mention the fact they wiped our clocks clean the first two times we've played them in the Big XII.
NEBRASKA -- They're bordering on becoming true rivals. I love their tradition, the support for their team, and the fact that they are the Free Shoes University of our conference. In a few more years I hope we have built a true rivalry with them. Hell, I hope we get a start on that this year during the Big XII championship.
BONAFIDE RIVALS: These schools are our actual rivals. You won't find any Cougars or Red Raiders below.
OKLAHOMA -- They're at the top of the list. No smack talking this year because they have bragging rights. We'll see come Oct. 6. For a long time I thought the Aggies were our truest rivals, but my lineage doesn't extend past the 1980s, and this past year I've realized how wrong I was. OU sucks.
AGGIES -- The bonafide Aggies. Unfortunately, with their dismal showing this year, their weak-*** attempts to explain the pasting they took at DKR-Memorial last year and the Sidelines program, they are dangerously close to falling into the "Junior Aggies" category. At that point we'll probably have to come up with a new category name. Perhaps "OUR *******" would suffice.
JUNIOR AGGIES: Schools that consider us rivals, but the sentiment is not reciprocated. They're ******* wannabes.
COUGAR HIGH -- A few weeks ago the Sand Aggies might have claimed the crown of being the no. 1 Junior Aggies, but no more. Not only have these guys scored points on the engineering front, but the efforts by their players to engage in Jay Brooks-esque smack puts them over the top. Mack's so mad he's going to run up the score. I ******* love that.
SAND AGGIES -- I don't think we need to say much here. Someone told their fans recently to have a "sand cocktail" and shut the **** up. I couldn't agree more. For further reading, I suggest finding the brilliant thread about Kliff Kingsbury that's been atop this board for many days.
PURPLE POWER -- I'm referring to, of course, Texas Christian. Where are their fans this year? With Franchione gone, along with pretty much their entire mid-level team from last year, so are their aspirations for glory. These guys are going to be lucky to be flying coach class from here on out.
BAD TEAMS, BUT THEY KNOW IT: Pretty self-explanatory. These guys suck, but at least for the most part, they acknowledge it.
RICE -- They suck, but they do so with class. Plus their running game is good practice for Nebraska.
BAYLOR -- Go Greg Cicero. Who can root against him? Besides, one day soon they're going to lay one on the sheep farmers, and we'll all thank them for that.
MISSOURI -- They could be good in a couple years, they have a nifty head coach and a pleasant stadium. If K-State declines, these guys could benefit.
KANSAS -- No comment necessary. Thanks for hosting Chris Simms' coming out party last year. Good luck finding a new coach.
OKLAHOMA STATE -- Beat Texas A&M this weekend. Please. We promise not to run up the score if you do.
IOWA STATE -- Hope you had fun last season. In a few years ago you'll be thinking it was all a pleasant dream.
ARKANSAS -- Oh yes, you suck this year. Bad. Isn't that a shame. Try scoring a touchdown for a change.
WORTHY OF RESPECT: Meaning, we don't immediately think disparaging thoughts when the possibility of them playing us tough is raised.
COLORADO -- Before we joined the Big XII these guys waxed us in a home-and-home series. They don't deserve respect for how they have *****-slapped Marcus Houston, but with their beautiful campus and tradition, they won't be down for long. Besides, it's a great place to travel for a road game.
KANSAS STATE -- I hate them, and their coach too, but you've got to respect how he's turned the program around. Not to mention the fact they wiped our clocks clean the first two times we've played them in the Big XII.
NEBRASKA -- They're bordering on becoming true rivals. I love their tradition, the support for their team, and the fact that they are the Free Shoes University of our conference. In a few more years I hope we have built a true rivalry with them. Hell, I hope we get a start on that this year during the Big XII championship.
BONAFIDE RIVALS: These schools are our actual rivals. You won't find any Cougars or Red Raiders below.
OKLAHOMA -- They're at the top of the list. No smack talking this year because they have bragging rights. We'll see come Oct. 6. For a long time I thought the Aggies were our truest rivals, but my lineage doesn't extend past the 1980s, and this past year I've realized how wrong I was. OU sucks.
AGGIES -- The bonafide Aggies. Unfortunately, with their dismal showing this year, their weak-*** attempts to explain the pasting they took at DKR-Memorial last year and the Sidelines program, they are dangerously close to falling into the "Junior Aggies" category. At that point we'll probably have to come up with a new category name. Perhaps "OUR *******" would suffice.
