Pre-Fish Camp

Thanks, Stan. Funny stuff! Great way to start my morning. You've really stepped up during the spring. Looks like you'll be having another great season.By noon, some Aggie programmer's head is going to be swimming with ideas for development of Aggiemon.
P.S.
12thman Billy Roy is right. Battleships don't have reigns. LMAO!
 
Great work, Stan. Only one thing I could think of that would have made it the perfect Aggie script.Julie: Mr. Ed, that player just threw the ball way down there to another player. What is that called?Mr. Ed: I don't rightly know. Never seen that before. But don't worry, sweety. He didn't hurt the guy, see? It bounced right off him. Besides, the coaches will see that that fella hands the ball to him next time or he won't grace the sacred turf of Kyle ever again.
 
Thanks for the kind words, guys. That would be a good addition, Bullseye. Wish I had thought of it. Incidently, there was a discussion fairly recently on texags about reaching very young people with the Aggie message. I made up a little of this, but my story is based on that discussion. Sort of. [This message has been edited by 12thStudStan (edited 03-23-2000).]
 
Stan: Truly a work of art. I'm seriously laughing to the point of tears...the hubcap incident and the suitcase being thrown at Slocum are priceless!!Hook 'em!
 
Pre-Fish Camp In a smoke filled conference room crowded with maroon chairs a closed fist strikes the table.“It’s time to get this shindig in order and quit acting like a bunch of yellow pots standing around with fresh piss dripping off of their lids wondering where it came from”, said a man seated at the end of the table with a name tag that read 12thMan Dwayne. “We gotta grab the reins of this wayward battleship of a football program and put it back on the greased skids that will lead us to global gridiron dominance.”12thMan Dwayne – Billy Roy, you got a question or sumpthin?12thMan Billy Roy – I don’t believe that battleships have reins Dwayne, but I think I understand what you’re are saying about putting our battleship back on the greased skids and all. We have to come up with some kinda plan to battle that evil burnt orange empire.12thMan Slim – Greased skids is right, by crackey. I’ve been telling you we need to start paying recruits again. That will straighten things out pronto. 12thMan Clem – Dang Slim, that kind of talk just ain’t right. It would be wrong to start paying recruits when the current squad didn’t get anything more than the Wings & More buffet package.12thMan Billy Roy – I think we need to work on our image. Those arrogant Longhorns have everybody thinking that Austin is a great place to go to school and that our beloved College Station is about as desirable as the breakfast at the Ramada. 12thMan Dinesh – I will be taking exception to that kind of talk about my establishment I will be telling you. 12thMan Billy Roy – Sorry, Dinesh. What I mean is that we need to somehow put the whole state through fish camp so they will start to see things our way.12thMan Dinesh – I am thinking that might be somewhat illegal, Mr. Billy Roy.12thMan Dwayne – I think I see what you are saying, Billy Roy. We gotta get to them while they are still young and pliable, though, so we can mold their little pea brains into Fighting Texas Aggies.12thMan Clem – Those dang pokemon things sure got the attention of those little punks. How about we get some of those computer nerds to come up with an “Aggiemon” game where the maroon little alien kicks the crap out of the burnt orange little alien every dang time no matter what buttons they push with their boogered up little fingers. 12thMan Dwayne – That makes a shitload of sense Clem, but I don’t know if we gots the funds for that after all this athletic facility expansion going on. Besides all those computer folks in Austin would probably catch wind of it before we got it off the ground and infect it with one of those computer viruses. 12thMan Dinesh – Perhaps I would be suggesting that we select a more palatable description of our school color. I would be thinking that the burnt orange sounds more sexy than maroon. 12thMan Dwayne – You mean something more fancy sounding like roasted strawberry color or fresh scab color or something like that.

12thMan Slim – Men, that is just a bunch of foo-foo crap. We gots to educate them rascals right-like by infiltrating the public school system so we can get to them before they start forming their own opinions.12thMan Clem – Dang it. Slim is a certifiable rocket surgeon. That is the answer and is the same strategy that the homo’s used to successfully increase their ranks. Lord knows we can kick the homo’s asses at anything cept maybe decorating.12thMan Dwayne – Ok, men. We have our plan.Fade to the future…..“Good morning students, my name is Mr. Edward Neidermeyer but you can all call me Mr. Ed. I will be your 3rd grade teacher. Does anyone have any questions?”Julie– My daddy said that only pimps wear maroon suits. What is a pimp, Mr. Ed?Mr. Ed – Well, well Julie. I bet your mommy knows what a pimp is. Maybe you should ask her when she comes in off the streets. Anyone else have a question?Bobby – Mr. Ed, what is the busdriver doing in our class?Mr. Ed – SIT DOWN BUSDRIVER! Hee hee hee. Just a little joke there between myself and my favorite bus driver. We went to school together and like to joke around like that. Today, I am going to take you on a field trip to College Station to see the greatest university in our state.Johnny – But Mr. Ed, my daddy says that the Longhorns are in Austin.

Mr. Ed – I am not talking about the Longhorns, Johnny. I am talking about the Fighting Texas Aggies. The Longhorns are mean people who will pinch you when you are sleeping. Ok, it’s time to load up and see your future. An hour later the bus arrives outside of Kyle Field and the children unload. Mr. Ed – Ok kids, does anyone know what this magnificent structure is?Julie - I know, I know. It is a drive-in movie theatre. My daddy says they are extinct except for in really crummy towns. Mr. Ed – No, Julie it is not a drive-in movie theatre although there has been plenty of drama within its boundary. That is The Zone, the architectural marvel of athletic facilities. It is empty now, but it fills up with fans from all around to see the best football team in the state play. Johnny – That would be the day after Thanksgiving when the Longhorns come here. Right, Mr. ED?Bobby – What are those people doing over there, Mr. Ed. Mr. Ed – Well, Bobby those people are going to see the football practice. Why don’t we join them. The class walks into the stadium where the football team is practicing. Mr. Ed - Ok, class. You will now witness the finest display of football mastery the world has ever known. Bobby – Why are those players smoking over there? Didn’t their mommies tell them it was bad for them?Mr. Ed – Uhhhh, that is not smoke. That is just heat rising from the field. Let’s move on down the field where we can get a better look. Julie – Mr. Ed, who is that man with the cap on waving his hands around?Mr. Ed – That would be the Aggie coach, Julie. The supreme athletic and spiritual advisor to the team. The gridiron guru. The moral foundation of the entire football program. Johnny – Is he going to spend the night here?Mr. Ed – Why do you ask that, Johnny?Johnny – Because some lady just threw a suitcase at him.Mr. Ed – Well Johnny, things are not always as they appear. That lady is just one of our female athletes doing a revolutionary upper body workout. Bobby – Mr. Ed, why are those players laying on the ground over there. Mr. Ed – Well Bobby, you are seeing a super-secret play that was developed out of our famous swinging gate formation. We call this play the cattle-guard sweep. The players line up in the swinging gate formation and when the ball snaps the offensive linemen and the wide receivers all jump on the ground in rows to form human cattle-guards that the defensive lineman will either be too afraid to cross or trip over if they do. While all this is going on, the quarterback pitches the ball to the tailback who tip-toes around the cattle-guard. We are so clever. Bobby – What are they doing now, Mr. Ed?Mr. Ed – That is what we call the bump-gate play. It is run out of the swinging gate formation also and is designed as a trick play. When the ball snaps, the defense is expecting the swinging gate, but when they come in contact with the offensive line, the offensive line reverses like they are a gate swinging on a hinge going back the other way. The quarterback sneaks into the middle of the offensive line after the gate gets bumped and swings back around and they all run down the field together side-by-side. My goodness, haven’t we been treated to a spectacular demonstration of football cunning today, kids? It is about time for us to be heading back to the school now. Let’s walk out the other end of the stadium to take in more of this breathtaking campus. Julie – Mr. Ed, why is that man trying to ride that sheep? Doesn’t he know that it is not a horse?

Mr. Ed –
Whoops. We really shouldn’t be going out this gate. Why don’t we turn around and go out the way we came in.Back in the parking area.Mr. Ed – Alright kids, lets get back on the bus. Johnny, what is the problem?Johnny – Mr. Ed, that man over there is taking hubcaps off those cars and stealing them.Mr. Ed – Oh Johnny, he is not stealing those hubcaps. He is just taking them off so that he can clean them up real good and put them back. It is another one of the many civic projects our ex-students participate in. Ok, all aboard. Back at the school.Mr. Ed – Well, I hope that you all enjoyed our little field trip today. Tomorrow we will begin learning about science and agriculture and how much more nutritional the maroon carrot is than those yucky orange ones.Mr. Ed then gives them all the thumbs up.
[This message has been edited by 12thStudStan (edited 03-23-2000).]
 
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