Need advice... second child

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OrangeChipper

1,000+ Posts
No right answer on this one. Just wanting some others opinions.

Basically here are the facts.

#1. My wife gave birth to a beautiful boy about 1 year ago.

here's his pic.
Cole_12+months.jpg


#2. My wife had to have an emergency c-section because of Preeclampsia. My son was born about 3 weeks early, but is very healthy. Mommy is also fully healthy now.

#3. Doc says there is a 70% chance of the Preeclampsia returning if we get pregnant again. Furthermore, when it reoccurs, it normally happens quite earlier and my wife would have to be on bedrest for more than half of the pregnancy.

#4. Doc says that some women don't have it again at all. But that's the exception and not the rule.

We want another child at least. The doc says she won't tell us no, but that it is very risky.

What would you do in this situation??
 
I don't think it's possible to put myself into your situation, since my wife never suffered from anything more serious than gestational diabetes with our 2 children. However, a potentially life-threatening condition for mother and child would likely make me think long and hard about adoption.
 
I'd definately go with adoption in that situation. But I think I want to go with 1 natural and 1 adoption anyway so I'm probably not the best go by.
 
Personally, I don't like the odds and would consider adoption or surrogate mom with an extremely heavy lean towards the adoption.
 
I can't say what you should do - aside from listen to the doctor.

But, my wife and I are getting ready to have our first child. He was scheduled to be due in early-February, but because of complications (originally diagnosed as a very, very scary Vasa Previa, but later re-diagnosed as a less scary, but still worrisome Placenta Previa), we are going to have to deliver between 3-5 weeks early.

What I would be considering (aside from the good advise from previous posters) is that with modern medicine, doctors say that getting past 28-32 weeks gives you a very good chance at a healthy baby. (WARNING - I'm not a medical doctor, so I'm just repeating what we have been told).

So, even if your wife's condition returns in the 2nd pregnancy, the odds are likely still on your side.

But....listen to your doctor before making your decision.

Hook'em.
 
Been in your shoes.... Except my wife had an on steroids version of Preeclampsia, HELLP Syndrome. wiki. Doctor missed it, induced labor, Blood pressue up to 180 over over 120, risk of stroking very high. Later drug interaction (we were the case study the next morning) almost crashed her with high blood pressure in the 60's. Looked like ER with the crash cart and this was hours after the birth.

All that being said we had a second. There was a risk, but perhaps it was lesser with HELLP Syndrome than straight Preeclampsia. She's a pharmacist and did a lot of research about the numbers and we decided to go for it. Both pregnancies were full term, the second was healthy and weighed in at 9 lbs 11 oz.

For us the idea of not having a sibling was something we did not want our child(ren) to go through. I also used to joke that with 2 kids you double the chance one of them will have enough guilt to come to the nursing home and turn us, or wonder what that big black sore on our back is... (dark I know...).

the first one had a TERRIBLE case of colic (I did not sleep more tha 2 hours straight for 6 weeks) and that was probably scarier than the pregnancy complications in the end. The real fact of the matter is child birth is one of the more risky events for healthy humans. We went forward knowing that we could look for warning signs earlier and that the downside was probably potentially bed rest.

Now in our instance the onset of preeclampsia was late in the pregnancy and the first child went to full term to the point of inducement. I might also ask how fit is your wife? My wife got very fit before the second, and I don't know if that was a factor. Ultimately we had a non-complication second pregnancy. Your wife's risk factors may be higher. My wife read a ton on the subject and decided for her the risk was worth it.

Having two kids is better than having one, IMO (and opinions vary greatly and no offense at all indended to those thinking otherwise). We would have had three but that colic... it scared the **** out of us.... and the clock started ticking... and... then we got old....

Good luck with whatever your decision is.
 
Adopt.

1. You get another kid.
2. Your wife's health isn't risked.
3. You give a kid a better life, it's a good thing to do, etc.
4. The world's population doesn't increase even more.

I'm struggling to find a reason not to adopt. But this is coming from a guy who doesn't plan on having kids at all.
 
dont adopt.

its probably worth 5 months of bedrest to have a child that is your own.

please note, only one of the posters advocating adoption has actually done it.
 
Our first, was born under the same conditions about 3 weeks early as well. For the second, we had more visits to monitor BP and, sure enough, it did come back about 5.5 weeks early. We never did bed rest though. She even had the second one vbac.

Go for it!
 
Thanks for all the input! It turns out my wife had HELLP with the first child. It's pre-eclampsia with other symptoms. (she had to get a blood transfusion because her platelets were so low)

I would never make a decision SOLELY based on what a stranger says on the internet. However, when faced with big life-changing decisions I always try to cast as wide of a net as possible on the amount of opinions I get. This is so I can try to make the most informed decision possible. Chastise me for it if you wish, but I feel its the wise and prudent thing to do.

UPDATE: The wife just got her blood results back and everything looks great. Her liver function and platelets and a couple other concern areas are all in great shape! So the doctor isn't as negative. Bed rest for 18+ weeks is still a high probability, but its not as much of a life-or-death as we originally thought.

We are leaning towards giving it another shot.

Again, thanks for the input.
 
HELLP is nasty to be sure- and it's a difficult call. I think most women would prefer to vear their own child after having carried a child already to full term. Adoption is also a WONDERFUL option, if she has any reservations at all.
 
i have two wonderful boys. both were preeclampsia premature c-section babies. it was stressful during that second unplanned pregancy. i had to take FMLA from work while wife was on bedrest.

but they are both great, and mommy is now totally 100% fine. but it was tough, i'll tell you that.

good luck whatever you decide.
 
On a lighter note from Wikipedia on Pre-eclampsia:

"Results from research conducted in the past two decades strongly suggest the importance of repeated exposure to the father's semen throughout the full length of the pregnancy due to the immune-modulating effects of key factors in semen."
 
My wife was on bedrest with monitoring for 3 months before giving birth 2 months early to our second. This was related to issues with the first.

Never gave it a second thought.

They did tell us that our chances for a third were not good. So i got the big v.

This isn't what they told you. Do what your heart tells you.

(Can believe the neuro atheist in me just said that)
 
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