My Lenten Promise

L

LonghornLawyer

500+ Posts
As some of you know, I have had a problem with aggy misery in the past. But with the help of our Lord and Savior Jeebus, I think that I have finally kicked it. And so as to symbolize my triumph (inshallah) over the demon of aggy misery and to thank Jeebus for His intercession, I decided to give it up for Lent.

I figured it would be an easy enough sacrifice. My dealer, Cakeface Fran, had been wacked by the cartel. Something about skimming off the top with a newsletter--I don't ask questions. So with signing day in the past and the annual baseball meltdown well after Easter, I thought this would be an easy enough Lent. Right?

Right?

I certainly didn't think that aggy basketball would provide much in the way of aggy misery. I mean, I figured they had a good enough team to get through the first round of the tournament, and then aggy would be satisfied with that. I mean, they started 15-1 or something obscene like that. No danger of aggy misery there, right?

Right?

I suppose the warning signs were there when they started referring to themselves as a "basketball school," but I reckoned that had more to do with the ****** state of their football program than anything else.

I stand by that.

But I really should have gotten a heads up when they hired a guy who apparently used to play hockey for the Dallas Stars to coach their basketball team. And when they lost three in a row right before Ash Wednesday, by Vishnu I should have figured out that something was amiss.

But I never would have guessed that they would collapse this badly. So now I've got a guy who may or may not have been prime minister of Canada offering what he tells me is "top rate aggy misery," and I'm having a tough time holding out. I mean, for Chrissakes, they made ESPN's "Bubble Watch" as a team with "Work to do." I know they're in if they win just a couple of games. But the fact is that they look so ******, Xenu has a better chance of escaping his Pyrennean prison than aggy has of winning a game the rest of the season. ****--they're going down in flames, and if I don't enjoy it, then someone else will.

They will--mark my words. The aggy misery trade will go on with or without me.

But I don't want to digress too far on our country's failed war on aggy misery. Suffice it to say that I favor full legalization.

But in any event, basketball aggy misery just doesn't sound the same. It kind of sounds like something that's been cut with baby laxative. And I don't want any part of that. But they tell me they're a "basketball school" now, and I've so missed aggy misery. Part of me says that life's too short to waste on second-rate aggy misery. But the part of me that wakes up with the jitters having dreamt of annual bowl losses since Bucky Richardson was in college tells me that I need something, anything, to tide me over.

So I come to you, HornFans. If aggy misses the Tournament, I just don't think I'm going to make it. I think I'm going to have to binge on aggy misery. And we all know what that leads to: a barely conscious LonghornLawyer at Olsen Field in April muttering "poooooor aggy" while sniffing the vomit on his shirt. I dare not take this issue to another board on the interwebs, because we all know what those drug-addled denizens will tell me. "Go ahead, LonghornLawyer; everyone's doing it. It's so good when it hits your lips . . . ."

I need your help, HornFans. Help me keep my Lenten fast, lest I be in a world of **** with Ahura Mazda.
 
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Mmmm, meltdown. If I had to choose between a Primo's meltdown or an aggy meltdown, I don't know which one I'd choose. Maybe we need to invent a new cocktail--a maroon margarita with an extra floater of tequila.
 
If loving aggy misery is wrong, I don't want to be right.

May Barnes have mercy on my soul.
 
You people are no help at all.

Last night was fun and all--beating purple aggy. But I get the shakes just thinking of aggy losing its next three and missing the Tournament.

I don't know--maybe that is high quality aggy misery, after all.
 
Give in to the temptation, LL. You know you want to. Just lift the cup of current aggy misery to your lips & drink, drink deeply.
They're already throwing their current basketball players under the bus & wishing they'd signed Gary Johnson instead of Jordan. Even better, some aggy are beginning to question if they should buy out their maple syrup lovin' HC's contract so they can ascend to their birthright as a basketball school. Drink.

Just a little sip, my good man. Take in the taste of aggy baseball dropping out of the top 25 after going 2-2 against Northern Colorado @ home last weekend.

The beauty of aggy misery is about to fully wash over you. Don't waste a drop as their basketball team trips, stumbles, & collapses towards the NIT just as the baseball team begins a long season of spotty pitching, lousy defense, & bats less virile than Richard Simmon's candy-striped jogging shorts.

Drink, LonghornLawyer. It is your destiny.
 
Okay, let me bail you out a little. Did you know that during the Lenten season, Sundays don't count towards the sacrifice? They are "mini-Easters" so apparently on Sundays during Lent, you can indulge all you want. If you can just hold out until next Sunday, you'll be fine.

You better double-check me on that, but I'm pretty sure I'm correct.
 
I'm not Catholic, so I have to ask: what is the penalty if you screw up during Lent? Do you have to go to Confession and say some Hail Marys or something? Not trying to make light of anyone's faith...I'm just wondering.

Anyway, it almost seems like a fair trade. Then again, I probably would have picked something easier to give up, like beer or chocolate.
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In all seriousness....who in the world would have seen this coming after the way A&M beat us on 1/30? They beat us 80-63 that night and it didn't even seem that close. Look at them now on the bubble and look at us talking about a #1 seed. It's really amazing.
 
I don't know, Pentacosta--I've never not followed through on a Lenten sacrifice. But I'm really suffering through this one.

Eastern--I'm with you. This one looked really easy on Ash Wednesday. They were coming off three good wins at Okie State, against The University, and against Mobilehoma. It really has been a serious collapse over the past three games. Granted, it's only three games, but those are three games in which they've lost twice at home and looked particularly ****** in the process.

In their four remaining games, I think they only have a decent shot against Tech. I really don't foresee them winning at Baylor or Mobilehoma, and I damn sure don't see them winning against Kansas. So that'll be 1-6 (at best) in their last seven with a sub-.500 conference record--not the stuff of Tournament teams. Actually, it would be a very similar resume to the one that got KState into the NIT last year.

And when that happens, oh, will the aggy misery be be flowing through teh streets like manna from heaven. Not that I'll take a whiff, mind you. I'm holding out for the first round NIT exit (after Easter).
 
Lenten resolutions -- those promises to offer up some pleasure as a Lenten sacrifice -- are not regulated by the Church and thus are voluntary practices. If they are voluntary practices, that means they can be voluntarily set aside at the discretion of the person who undertook them.
If you are overwhelmed at the thought of giving up something for six weeks, as is LonghornLawyer, you are free to set it aside. Or, if you don't want to abandon a resolution entirely, you might choose to give it up for the day with the understanding that you might decide to enjoy it on another day. Since spiritual discipline is something that takes practice to develop, progressing from a day-to-day to week-to-week to season-to-season approach may make it easier to become spiritually disciplined.
Either all that, or you go straight to hell.
I kid, I kid.

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