License to kill Gophers

Varmint Cong.
hookem.gif
 
By "the gov't" of the united nations. A man free to kill gophers at will.

"Au revoir, gopherrrrrrrr"
 
I used to kill gophers for a living when I was a little kid living in the midwest. I'd take a wagon full of water jugs out to the field. I'd use the water to drown the varmits out of their holes. I'd kill them with my baseball bat when they emerged from their lair. The county courthouse offered a bounty for gopher tails... $.25 for striped gopher tails and $.50 for flicker tail gopher tails. I don't know know how much I woulda fetched for a Golden Gopher tail.

Gophers are a smart enemy. They can dig a small breathing hole aside from their main entrance. Or, they can have multiple entrance (escape) holes. It took superior intellegence to make a decent living killing gophers.
 
What's that sign say?

No bare feet.

What's THAT sign say?

No fighting.

What's it mean?

No fighting.

I'm gonna lay it on the line ... there have been a lot of complaints lately ... foul language, fooling around on the course ... poorn caddying ... you guys want to be replaced by golf carts, keep it up.
 
I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang.

Cannonball it!
 
This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.
 
Smails...I'll tell you how to take care of him. You cut the hamstring right above the knee -- he'll never play golf again.
 
Scottish groundskeeper: I want you to kill every gopher on the golf course!Carl: Correct me if I'm wrong, Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key.
Scottish groundskeeper: Not golfers, you great fool! Gophers! The little ... brown ... furry ... rodents!!!
Carl: We can do that; we don't even have to have a reason. All right, let's do the same thing, but with gophers!

The only bad thing about Caddyshack is the sequel.
 
Lacey Underall: My uncle says you've got a screw loose.
Ty Webb: Your uncle molests collies.


I have to laugh, because I've outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I've gotta get inside this guy's pelt and crawl around for a few days. Who's the gopher's ally. His friends. The harmless squirrel and the friendly rabbit.
 
"Great big gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts." How about a nice, cool drink, varmints? Scum, slime, menace to the college basketball industry! You're a disgrace. You're varmints. You're one of the lowest members of the food chain and you'll probably be replaced by the aggy.
 
...this is the worst hat I ever saw, you buy a hat like this they let you get a free bowl of soup, but it looks good on you
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The coaches and players might not agree, but this thread obviously won the game for us today. Thanks to all who participated.

Now, can we get a similar thing going for Dook?
 
Well, we just need a way to link the Dukies to a popular quotable film. This one came together pretty naturally.

Lemme think on it. It probably won't be as good a fit.
 
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