Lent a friend money...

I

IAmYourKidsDad

< 25 Posts
I know, I know, I know, never lend a friend money that you are not prepared to lose, if you want to remain friends.
A recently divorced friend of mine and his ex were both laid off from the same bank a few months ago.
A week after this happened he started borrowing money from me at a clip of 2-300 bucks at a time. This went on for 2 1/2 weeks until he had borrowed 2200 dollars from me.
I only did this because he told me time and again that he would repay me in full when he recieved his ira.
This is a friend going all the way back to high school. I don't think there is another person on earth that I would have done this for.
I knew when he was supposed to get his ira, and this day came and went without me hearing from him.
When I finally got in touch with him he told me he did not get as much as he thought and he would try to have something for me soon. I told him that was not our deal and that I expected it all and I expected it quickly.
No, I don't have anything in writing. I know that was stupid of me, but this guy was like a brother. It is as if he became a different person overnight.
He has clearly adopted a strategy of ignoring me in an effort to not repay me.
He does not answer his phone, or emails, or respond to text messages.
He is living on a friends couch, that even his ex does not seem to know the address of.
I need to know if I have any chance of success in civil court if I ever manage to get him served.
I would think my chances are slim, but he would have to lie in court.
If anyone has ever had a similiar experience I would appreciate hearing about it.
 
Do you need the money more than you need a friend?

Dude isn't going out to fancy dinners and driving nice cars. He's living on a couch.

I think it is safe to say he is pretty close to hitting bottom if he hasn't already. If you need the money that bad then sue him, but it doesn't sound like he is refusing to pay you for any reason other than he doesn't have the money.
 
If he is really THAT good of a friend and if he is really living on someones couch and recently divorced why do you insist on having him repay you now.

Sounds like the guy had a decent job requiring an education so its not like he some pothead loser. Hopefully he will repay you when he gets back on his feet.

If he was like a brother, then no it wasnt stupid of you. It doesnt sound like hes the one who changed overnight.

Of course, if you see him prancing around in some new $300 jeans then all bets are off.

Ive lent my sister a total of over 4K over the past year or so and have seen about 300 back. I will not ask for it unless i absolutely need it, i know she will pay me back when she and her husband get back on thier feet. Her husband is a residential contractor who has little work over the past year. He was supporting her while she finishes school. But she has had to stop going and get a job just to make ends meet. I told her i would continue to lend her money so she could go at least part time, but her pride has really kicked in recently.
 
Losing a job and marriage at the same time has to be pretty stressful. He could be checking out right now for those reasons alone. I would give the guy some time and let him get back on his feet.
 
Can't help but wonder if over the long haul he's not a better friend to you than you are to him.

You wouldn't have loaned him the money if you didn't have it. I cannot understand why you are beating the **** out of the guy to repay now given all the **** going on in his life. Recently divorced? Laid off?

He's most likely going to pay you back. It ain't going to be tomorrow or next week however. If you need the money that badly you shouldn't have made the loan. Otherwise, get off the dude's back for a bit.
 
I know we don't know the whole story here, but cut your FRIEND some slack. You knew the rule about lending friends money when you made the loan, and you knew his situation.

But, if you are really in need of the money that badly, I might have a bit of a solution for you, and you MIGHT be able to stay friends.

Take him to Judge Judy (or a similar show). I seem to recall that the judgments they make on those programs are paid by the show, and not the plaintiff or defendant (I might be wrong on this, but I don't think I am). That way, you can get the show to give you your money, and you and your buddy get a free trip to NYC.

*edit* From wikipedia:
In reply to:
Click to expand...
 
Do you think he has the money and he's just not willing to pay you? Does he have a bank account somewhere or some assets that you're going to get the constable to seize?

Because if the answer to those is "no," then why would you sue him?

But if you insist on getting a judgment against him, just call him up, get him to waive service and agree to a judgment, and pay the JP $75 or so to sign it.
 
He probably feels very guilty, and has no resources to pay you, so is avoiding your calls. If he is really a good friend, he will eventually repay you. It may take a long time for him to get back on his feet, find a job and his own place to stay, then when you aren't expecting it, hopefully you will receive some money. I don't see any benefit in suing him.
 
I agree with pretty much all the other posts above, the guy has no money and is living on somebody else's couch. If you didn't have the money you shouldn't have lent it to him. It's not like everyone in the whole world knows that when you lend friends money you will often never see it again or it will take a long time to recover.

Call the guy and leave him a message that will help console him. Tell him you realize you have een overzealous in your collection efforts and while the money is important to you that your insistance of repayment at his lowest point wasn't what a real friend would do. Tell him that you know he will make good on the debt when he gets back on his feet, and for right now you don't want to add any more stress to his life over the money.

You may NEVER see the money. But hounding the guy isn't going to help you get it any faster. Console him, offer to buy him lunch, and ask if there is any non-financial way you might be able to help him?
 
I don't agree with above posters who imply that you're the ******* picking on a poor victim: it's not like you FORCED the money on him. He asked for your money, with the PROMISE TO REPAY WHEN HIS IRA WAS CASHED IN. That the IRA may have been less than expected is irrelevant and should have no bearing on repayment.

I think he's decided to trade your lifelong friendship for $2,200. Look at the bright side though: it's times like these that you find out who your friends really are (you were to him) and who only pretends to be friends (the borrower).
 
I've loaned friends money that hasn't gotten paid back. I don't care because they're my friends and thats more important to me. I read a good post here once that summed it all up: "...never lend a friend money that you are not prepared to lose, if you want to remain friends. "
 
Set a firm date as to when he will pay you for sure. Then you can look forward to it and when it's the day before say to yourself, "Tomorrows the day!!"
 
Jesus Christ, a lot of you are the reason they used to have debtors prisons. Granted, if he's living on someone's couch he's not rolling in it, but it doesn't cost any money at all to man up and return a call. What, the guy's pride didn't hurt too much to say "Hey man, can you loan me $300 bucks" six or seven times, but now that he's got the cash he's too proud to call him on an agreed upon date and let him know what's going on? ********...

Not paying the money back is understandable; being a ***** about it isn't...
 
I've loaned money to friends and they didn't pay me back, or I'll say they've taken advantage of situations. Like, I leave my apt and let them move in and they promise to help out with the rent and they don't. Do they actually take money out of my hands, not really I guess. And this was a down time for him (coke head) but once he got back on his feet, he acted like it never happened.

Not a true friend.
 
Wow, I guess i'm a little suprised by all the sympathyfor my friend, but without knowing all the dynamics of our relationship, understandable.
Yes, he is having a hard time. Most of his difficult times have been self-imposed.
He has always tried to live above his means. He bought too much house, and a lot of other things he can't afford.
Yes I knew these things, and gave him the money anyway.
He is a friend of thirty years, and I have always had all the sympathy in the world for him, but i believe in my gut now based on his behavior after he got his ira that he never intended to repay me in full, if at all.
He never asked me when he was borrowing the money if it was ok to repay it over time if his ira wasn't large enough, only gave me his word over and over again that he would repay it in full.
I haven't heard from him in over a month. To my way of thinking he is the one not being a friend, and at this point I am prepared to do whatever it takes to get my money back.
He has clearly become a different person over the years, and If I force him to pay me, maybe he will realize he can't take advantage of people any longer.
 
In response to:

"...Wow, I guess i'm a little suprised by all the sympathyfor my friend,....."

Surprised me, too. I wonder how many of the "sympathizers" have been in the other position, i.e., borrowed money from a friend and never repaid it?
 
First off, I commend you for loaning money to a friend in need. However, is it worth your time and money to get back what amounts to what, maybe 1 monthly house payment?

I suggest you just write this off as a gambling loss on your taxes and if he pays you back, he pays you back. No harm, no foul. Okay, just kidding about the taxes part.

But seriously, don't you think that hounding him about the money actually hurts your chances of getting paid back?
 
When I was in college I had a roommate of mine borrow a lot of money from me. However, I took everything he owned as collateral, and when he didn't pay, I sold it all: his car, his computer, his furniture, etc. I paid myself off and then gave the excess stuff to other people to whom he owed money.

Point is, you can protect yourself if you loan money. So if you don't, and you don't get paid back, you have to try to collect.

Here's how you do it:

1. File a suit in small claims court in the county and precinct where he lives. Ask for your money and, if you didn't agree on an interest rate, 6% simple interest starting 30 days after the money became due. Also ask for your costs, including costs to collect on the judgment.
2. Serve him with the lawsuit.
3. Go to court and get a judgment.
4. After the judgment, get the court to prepare an abstract of judgment (you may need more than one).
5. File an abstract of judgment with the county clerk in every county where he does or may have property.

You may find this helpful:

The Link

If you know he has a bank account somewhere, you can file an application for a writ of garnishment and get that as well.

P.S. if you really think that he never intended to pay you, and you have any evidence of that, then sue him for fraud and ask for punitive damages.
 
Thanks Bookman, and to the rest of you who have responded. I needed this advice on specific steps I could take.
I am still a little suprised at the sympathyfor my friend.
I am just not a good enough writer to accurately describe our relationship.
I have always been a better friend to him than he has to me, and I guess my sympathy for him is due to the memories I have of him before he became the person he is now.
I only wish I had something in writing, but I trusted my friend.
I plan on filing a small claims suit,maybe if i'm lucky he wont show and I can get a default judgement? If that's how it works.
No one knows where he lives so serving him will be difficult.
Maybe his last known address is all takes.
Thanks for the advice guys.
 
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