How do you teach a kid ambition?

O

okusooner

100+ Posts
I have a Niece that is good in everything but has no ambition at all. My sister and i were talking and we are a little concerned. She an 11 year old that wants sit and watch television or listen to music on her ipod thats it.

They have 2 other kids that are so passionate about everything but the 11 year old could care less about anything. (She is the oldest and no they never compare the kids to each other)

Sports she's great at but doesn't give any effort. Same for music, school, chores or anything else. The child has more natural ability then almost any kid but no desire to do anything. What is there to do?

They have praised her effort when she tries something new or does well, but unlike the other 2 that love praise, she could care less. Example Swimming. She wanted to swim competively,They got her started, she was kicking ***,coach said she was natural and could go very far with swimming but all of suddened she just didn't like it anymore. After she finished the season she doesn't want to swim anymore. She'll swim if they make her but she doesn't have the passion for it. Piano, she is much better at it then other children on natural ability but doesn't want to practice and has no desire for it. Soccer same story, even when she is on the field you can tell she doesn't try as hard as the other kids.

She doesn't care about colthes, make up, cooking, gymnastics, art, video games even. She isn't into material things gets doesn't excited about trivial things either.

School work ,she is a good student but could care less and i think if my sister and brother in law didn't make her do her work she would flunk out because she doesn't care.They are at their wits end. How can we help her find something she is passionate about.

She is going to bring her down to live with me for a while just for something different. Change of routine for a few weeks. I think the problem is that her mom and dad have made everything so easy for her. Everything is on a routine and the kid never has to think for herself even simple things like when to eat. Her day is planned out for from start to finish so she's almost on autopilot.( thats just my opinion)

She doesn't like to meet new people or different enviroments. She is almost anti social even with new kids her own age. She has friends but only kids she has grown up with, she doesn't try to make new friends.

To put it in perspective, she is still a great kid but we are from a family that is everyone one of us has passion for something. Hell even my brother law ran a marathon just a few months back so he is passionate about his work and running. No matter what it is we just want her to try her best and have some passion and ambition. Smimming, painting, soccer, school, chores, We don't care what it is but she has to learn to care about something.

Have any of you had to deal with this type of kid and do you have any advice for me or my sister. We couldn't think of how to help her and we have spent countless hours on the phone trying to figure it out. Between the 2 of us we have 5 kids but i think of her children like my own and vice versa.
 
"Billy's a nihilist. He doesn't care about anything."
"That must be exhausting."

--The Big Lebowski--

Sorry, I don't have any advice. : /
 
Since you are not her parents maybe she will talk to you. Be friendly. Ask open ended questions. Get her to talk, about anything. Then open more doors with more open ended questions to see what she likes, dislikes about the topics she starts. etc, etc. Who knows, maybe you will find something she likes?
 
My daughter is similar in that things came easy to her. She does well academically, athletically and musically. She played pre-select soccer, competed in piano contests up to state level and jumped a grade in elementary, yet she didn't have a driving passion for any of these activities thru 6th-7th grade.

Her grandmother accused us of making her a jack of all trades; master of none.

She's 13 now, and she works her butt off playing trombone. She gets to school an hour early to practice; stays after school basketball practice to practice more.

What's important to her at 13 is the feedback from her friends and teachers.

My son at 8 loves sports. He would take three hours of batting practice every night. His coach last year loved to throw bp and there were several nights in which I had to shut it down at 9 pm.

The one rule we have in our house is the tv doesn't come on until Friday night and the weekend, unless its a basketball game. This allows my daughter and son to do something.
 
Maybe she has some type of social anxiety issue. A kid doesn't have to be an over-achiever to be happy but the question is whether they are happy or not.
 
Usually ambition develops when people realize they have to work hard or harder to earn certain things. Today, kids get handed so much stuff they really don't understand what it means to be ambitious.
 
I like eurohorn's response. People become driven, in my opinion, when they recognize that life is really hard and you have to work your *** off or you'll fall behind.

I figured this out a couple of years ago and became immediately overwhelmed and frightened about the future. Then I just calmed myself down and focused.
 
I agree with Eurohorn. My brother (significantly younger) and I grew up VERY different since my parents were financially in different places. I had to work my *** off to get anything and he was handed everything. Needless to say, we both have very different drives.

However, I think most importantly is that your niece needs a mentor and role model. Her parents might be perfect examples, but it might take someone else to drive the message through.
 
Ambition is probably one of those traits that you can develop to some extent, but it's also in your genes.
 
Make sure she doesn't live in oklahoma.


She's only 11. It almost seems like some of the more gifted of people are just plain lazy. Or just don't try that hard when they're young. Give her time. I bet when she gets older she will start outperforming everyone, but make it look like she isn't working that hard.
 
as a pediatric psychology fellow (few more months til licensure), i'd suggest taking her to a counselor or therapist. it can't hurt, and there may be more going on - she may be depressed, dysthymic, or just over-stressed by the daily structure/schedule/school/hobby requirements. even very gifted people can be overwhelmed.
rather catch it now and give her good coping strategies than wait until she's in the middle of adolescence and dealing with even more complicated issues.
 
to me, taking things away from a kid because they aren't ambitious seems like a stretch. I'm not saying to ignore the problem, or spoil a kid, but come on.

Try a therapist first to see if they are other problems. I think that lack of ambition can be a sign of being afraid to fail. Lack of self confidence. Taking crap from someone in that state isn't going to suddenly make her Susy Over Achiever.
 
So taking an 11 year child for psychiatric help is going to make her feel better? At that age, I would think that could just be as damaging to her self-esteem. I mean wouldn't she get the feeling that mom and dad think she has some pretty serious issues?

When I mentioned taking things away, I didn't necessarily mean physically. My parents set ground rules all the time on when I could watch tv, play video games, etc. They made it clear what priorities were important. I didn't like it at the time but I certainly appreciate it now.

Maybe it is just the way it is today, but it seems the quick answer is always, let's take susie to a shrink or put her on meds. I really feel sorry for our kids today.
 
My daughter is the same. She could ace every test and all her other work if she put in half as much effort as the other kids at school. It is not very challenging to her and she does not reach for the prize that is easily within her grasp.

I think that she may need to be placed in a harder school or advanced classes even though she says she does not want it.

Problem is her mom does not know how to deal with her and just lets her float through life with a trashed room and do almost anything she wants or in most cases doesn't want to do.
 
EuroHorn:
I'm a "shrink" for kids. I'm confused by your post. You think that taking a kid to a therapist is going to make them feel worse? I don't think you know much about therapy or psychology then. I don't put kids on meds (but will refer if I think it's necessary). I provide an opportunity for kids to express themselves and work through issues that their parents may not be qualified or willing to work on. I sure wish I had been able to see a therapist as a kid - I'd probably be a lot less anxious than I am today.
 
Maybe have her do volunteer work at a hospital or food bank or some church charity so she sees how privileged her life is?

My brother got an awakening in HS when my parents sat him down with them to do the bills every month as he had no idea what everything he was use to having cost.
 
First of all I think this girl is very lucky to have you in her life.

Second, I loved the credit card comment. While I know something this sarcastic seems out of place, one problem solving technique is to list out the things not to do in a situation to better point out what to do.

My only contribution to this is to second what elface said - the TV is off from Monday through Thursday. Friday is all-you-can-watch buffet, Sat/Sun is two hours per day. Actually I should broaden this from TV to "screen-time". No computer, hand-helds, etc. We also made the decision to apply the Mon-Thurs rule to the adults as well. Hard at first (on me) but glad we did. That's what the DVR is for.

Good luck.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Weekly Prediction Contest

* Predict HORNS-AGGIES *
Sat, Nov 30 • 6:30 PM on ABC

Recent Threads

Prediction Results Threads

2024 Schedules

Back
Top