Funny stuff you taught your little kid(s) to say

[Giovanni Jones]

I smell a rat ... a big Commie rat!

My 3-year-old daughter was so cute when she said that. (Of course, 8 years later, she has no memory of it.)

 

[MAROON]

My Mom's cousin's little boy, when you asked him what he liked he would respond:

"***** and Root Beer"

Big-time rednecks from LaVernia.

 

[Nordberg]

When my daughter was ~4, and she wanted me to look away, she would go "Daddy look! It's Vince Young!".

 

[NBMisha]

"***** and root beer" shall henceforth replace "Two chicks at the same time!"

 

[YoLaDu]

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[WorsterMan]

When my nephews were little I put them up to saying "Boomer Sooner" and "Gig 'Em aggys" to my brother and Father who are both UT grads... we all enjoyed that and my nephews enjoyed saying something that got reactions and laughs from the adults around them!

 

[acworthhorn]

Unfortunately, my youngest son learned to say "move *****" from riding around with me in the truck. My wife didn't think it was all that funny.

 

[LongestHorn]

As a nod to Charlie Brown, my kids say "Good Grief".

And when they get into trouble and I sit them down, after I ask "do you understand" they say "Yes, father".

They think that the s word is "stupid" not "****". And when you ask them what word starts with 'F' and ends with 'UCK' they say "******* Firetruck". (not really)

 

[Bevo's Buddy]

My niece, who was about 3 at the time, blurted out "Oh ****!" during Christmas. When she said it, everyone immediately turned to my brother. Needless to say, my sister-in-law was mortified and quite pissed at my brother.

 

[NickDanger]

An inept friend of mine was left alone with the kids against his wife's better judgment. To make a long story short, there was a diaper soiled and when dad returned the kids to the kitchen he slipped on some spilled juice and hit the floor and got so pissed he threw the diaper against the kitchen cabinets. There was lots more that went on, but that's the moment when mom came home and with eyes as big as pig's nuts asked what in tarnation had happened.

The 2 year-old calmly informed mommy that "it was the ******* juice that started it."

 

[The Creature]

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[the Saint]

My 3-year old daughter likes to tell her older brother he "is so busted."

 

[wolfman]

My 2 year old knows more words than she usually says. The other day we were in a restraunt and they gave her some paper with blank pictures to color on. There was a picture of a pirate and I pointed it out to her and said, this is a pirate. She replied with a loud gutteral ARRRRGH!

 

[BooDog]

When my two year old daughters' fart they announce "It's a barking spider, Daddy!"

 

[Brisketexan]

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[Fievel121]

When my daughter was about four I get this phone call from my ex.

ex-"Do you know what your daughter just said to me?"
me - "Well, since you left me for another guy and are living with him, I have no idea"
ex (after a short pause) "She said bite me!"
I laughed "Well, good luck with that"

 

[BevoJoe]

I taught my son several when he was young:

Shrug the shoulders and say "'ey! fuh-get-tah-bou-dit!"

"We gotta wise dis guy up."

When my x-wife used to ask him for help to clear the table or wash the dishes, "Aww, that's womens work!"

 

[smwhorn]

When my son was about three years old, my grandfather asked him something like "tell me something you learned today." My son promptly said "Goddammit is a BAAAAD word."

 

[bullseye-35]

"Oh snap!"

 

[alden]

My 1.5 year old niece says "boobie" when she wants milk. It was one of her first words.

 

[converse]

My boy is just 4 months, so all he says is "goo".

My friend taught his 3-year-old to beat her chest a couple times and say "peace out" when anyone would leave. Very funny stuff.

 

[AuburnTexas]

"10 pounds of swinging meat and a bucket full of balls and you call me boy?"

 

[free=good]

I would have my 3 year old son tell someone about his dad (me) and he'd reply, "my dad is wicked smaht" a la Good Will Hunting.

 

[GRhino]

My daughter is 27 months old & likes to yell "Help!!" whenever my wife picks her up for bed, to eat or for a diaper change. I actually thought it was kind of funny until I took her to the driving range with me, & she didn't want to leave.

 

[MaduroUTMB]

My brother's name is Thomas (he goes by Tommy). I took advantage of the need for easily pronounced names and taught our eldest niece to call him "Uncle Tata".

 

[ImissWallyPryor]

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[baboso]

The last time I watched my nephews, I taught the youngest one to say, "**** you, Jobu. I do it myself." He knocked it out of the park when that was his retort to his mom when she asked him a question.

 

[beam,coke,&horns]

When my daughter was two she would say "check yourself before your wreck yourself"
then i taught her "peace out yo" everyone thought it was cute. The day she walked past some dog poo and yelled "Fucky bogey!" was not liked too well by my wife. Since then ive had to watch my mouth around her.