Fighting in front of your kids

LongestHorn

LongestHorn

2,500+ Posts
There were two times that my Dad could have kicked a guy's *** in front of me. Once in a parking lot in Brooklyn land once on the street in Philly.

There were more times he and my Mom would verbally argue in front of me.

I like to imagine my Dad kicking a guys ***. I hate remembering when my parents would argue.

I got an ex-wife with a big mouth. And two kids, 8 and 6.

Never laid an angry finger on the woman, any woman, and never will.

And I've never kicked a guy's *** in front of either of them.

Where's the line?
 
I don't have a problem arguing with my wife in front of my children. I generally try to avoid serious arguments, but everyday, normal disagreements, even if they get a little heated are fine. Why? Because my children always see us acting lovingly later on and learn that it's ok to have disagreements as long as you work things out.

That being said, I don't ever get personal with my wife and neither does she, with me. We don't call each other names or try to emotionally hurt the other person.

As for physically fighting another man in front of my children, I would only do that if attacked. I would avoid confrontation if at all possible. Why? Because, in my mind, that puts my child in danger. What if this guy pulls a knife and stabs me? What if he's a master of Brazilian Jujitsu and kicks the ever loving crap out of me causing me permanent brain damage?

That is not good for my child to see, and taking it to an extreme, what if he is so pissed after he's kicked my ***/stabbed me/shot me that he then attacks my child?

I'm not willing to take that risk.

As a child my father came close to, but never got in a fight while I was with him. In each case, I was quite certain that if I hadn't been there, he would have.

So, IMO, arguing (fairly and honestly) in front of your children is ok, and even desirable if done occasionally, but physically fighting with a stranger is never acceptable and should be avoided unless you are defending yourself from a physical attack.
 
I don't have children yet but grew up in an abusive household.

I would never fight another man in front of my children.
Just gives the wrong impression and I don't want my children to be physical.
 
I hate it on the rare occasions that my wife and I argue in front of the kids. It makes them sad. But it will probably happen rarely.

I can't imagine laying a hand on my wife, or any woman, ever.

On two occasions I've been in a position to kick somebody's *** in front of my kids (once in Lockhart and once in Austin) and basically forced myself to walk away, because I can't be going to jail. I'm too old (34) to be getting into fights and having the kids around reminds me that I'm not the only person who pays for my mistakes.

That being said, if somebody's about to put their hands on me or my family and I can't walk away from it, it's on like Donkey Kong.
 
"On two occasions I've been in a position to kick somebody's *** in front of my kids (once in Lockhart when I was wearing my pink polo, plaid deck shoes and shorts) and basically forced myself to walk away"
 
WOW!!

I must be meek. It would take alot more than getting cut off and having the bird given to me to get my dander up.

Hell, i am a weenie. I avoid physical pain at all costs. I don't like to give it and i sure hell hate getting it.
 
notreally, i'm sure a lot of people are going to give you ****. (what kind of example is that, you shouldn't lose youre temper, bla bla bla) but oh well. i think that's pretty funny.
 
having common disagreements in a mature manner in front of your child is one thing. screaming at each other in front of your child is another. i grew up with a lot of the latter, and while i learned a lot from it, and still love my mother and revere my father's memory, the one thing i took away from it was that kids are witnesses to everything, and things that are traumatic to them include watching mom and dad trade sarcastic, nasty barbs, even if, in the end, i knew that they were in love.

if i can help it, my boys won't see their mother and i try to denigrate one another in front of them. i would prefer they don't see us argue in the tradition sense of the word, but them seeing a discussion of differing views would be fine.
 
One time on I-35 in Austin, I really don't remember what happened, but I was chasing down this guy in my car and ready to kick his *** for some sin he committed on I-35. He exited at Rundberg and made the U-turn and was heading back to 183 as I was trying to catch-up and follow him to wherever he was going. He pulled into a parking lot and I did the same and was ready to get out and begin the fight when I realized that my daughter was in her child seat in the back seat, maybe 2 years old. I felt like a wuss but I got in and kept going. I knew I was doing the right thing at the time but part of me wanted to fight. Looking back almost 20 years later I realize how completely stupid it was to do that. I shoulda kicked his ***! Okay, maybe not. I suppose I grew up some that day. Kids will do that to you. There is no way that my children will ever see me in a fight unless it is in defense of one of them or their mother.
 
If I were ever in such a situation, I'd have my kid try to fight him, first. You know, wear him down a bit before I step in and bring the thunder...
 
I like how everyone on this thread assumes they are going to be the ones doing the *** kicking. Anything can happen in a fight. One kick to the balls, and that little guy you thought you were gonna handle has you on the ground while he's kicking your head in. Anyone that goes into a fight sure of kicking someone's *** has probably never been in a fight before. There's no such thing as a fair fight between strangers.

Sgt Longhorn has the right idea. The main reason to avoid it is because of what might happen if you lose. If you don't have to defend your kid or yourself from physical assault, there's no reason to fight. Hurt pride is certainly not a reason.
 
My parents fought twice during my childhood. My sister and I remember both quite vividly.

During one of the fights, my mother left the house and drove off. We were convinced she wouldn't ever come back. She left the house a couple times as my sister and I grew older too, and even as a teenager it scared the **** out of me.

My parents didn't have talked w/ us. So, after these fights and things, we never got any explanation or comfort from my parents. I think it's stuck w/ me mostly because I didn't understand what was going on.

Fighting w/ your spouse on occasion will happen. It might happen where your kids can hear. Even if you think you're kids don't know what's up-- they probably do.

Just talk to them about it. They can understand that, in the same way their bothers or sisters really make them angry sometimes, mommies and daddies get angry at each other sometimes.

Kids just want to know it's OK.
 
I never fought with my wife in front of my kids. I don't think you should and I don't want to fight with my spouse anyway.

Two times during their formative years I did get into fights in front of all three of my youngsters. Those incidents certainly didn't enrich anyone's life but I don't think my kids suffered negative impact from them either.

But as has already been posted there is nothing to gain as a rule unless your families immediate safety is at risk.
 
I agree with that -- kids need to see disagreements between adults who know how to handle an argument with one another in as mature a manner as possible.

My parents made it a point never to argue with each other in front of my brother and I. The fact that they are both passive-agressive types helped them feel like that decision was correct. They were wrong.

I'm way past the point of blaming my parents for things that I have done in my adult life. Looking back, though, I think that a lot of the self-destructive things I did in my college years were a passive aggressive attempt to assert my own individuality with my family. I didn't have any idea how to fight with them, so I hurt myself instead. I guess I was hoping that they would notice, or come to the conclusion that their ******-up son was their fault.

I love both of my parents. They divorced a few years after I got out of the house, and they did so for sound reasons. I know that they did the best job that they knew how to do and that they made many incredible sacrifices for me and my brother. I also know that despite their best efforts, some of the things that they did (or didn't do, in this case) have had adverse effects on me.

They should have fought in front of us. We would have had a chance to learn that confrontation should not always be avoided and that it is OK to disagree with people who you love. They were both smart enough and caring enough that they could have fought with one another fairly.

As to actually getting in physical fights as an adult, there's just no future in it. Men fight differently than college kids -- they fight to win, they use weapons, and people get put in the hospital or worse. Putting yourself in this sort of risk as an adult is the worst sort of parenting decision you could make.
 
Other than protecting my family, I will not fight anyone. It's not worth it. They could have a knife in their jacket for all I know. And if I beat their ***, what about retaliation? I've got too much to lose.
 
i will only fight to defend my family, myself, and in the right circumstances others.

i would certainly defend myself in front of my sons.

so far, i don't fight with my wife. may disagree, or even be ticked off, but i won't fight with her, nor will she fight with me...

i'm a lover, not a fighter... but i can move your bones - real fast - if i'm required to do so.
 
I'll never forget how badly I felt after my wife whipped my *** in the parking lot in front of the kids. I hit the asphalt so hard it tore my plaid shorts.
 
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