Dear Esther Abby Follies

[Bevo Incognito]

So my gf says "Hey, I'm going to the store. Write down what you want on the list."

Like any man who doesn't have time to make his own would, I put down "Wolf Brand Chili."


She comes back with Wolf Brand TURKEY chili with freakin' BEANS!

I love her but, lord knows, I almost dumped her. Now I'm wondering if I made a mistake by keeping her on.

 

[BrûléeOrange]

Go ahead and eat it (put fritos or something in it) and then let the farts fly freely when she's in the vicinity (preferably the bed). If she complains, tell her that's what turkey chili with beans will get her everytime. A simple life lesson.

 

[Seamus McBundy]

Consider testing in her in other areas for a definite answer to your question. If the problem persists, you will know what you have to do.

 

[accuratehorn]

Dear Wondering if I Made a Mistake:
Real men make their own chili, not purchase it in a can.
You are lucky she did not bring home tofu soy sprouts arugula white bean Cincinatti chili.
Signed, Abby

 

[Smurfette]

Dear Bevo Incognito--

Obviously, you and your girlfriend are having some issues. I think the chili is a metaphor for sex, and your girlfriend is trying to send you a message.

You see, chili is a manly food. The best chili starts with a big old pot, then you make it nice and meaty, stir it, care for it... take your time with it... make it simmer....make sure it gets exactly what it needs.

You, sir-- did not take the time to make the chili. YOU asked for "Wham bam thank you ma'am" chili in a can. You don't think about this chili... you just heat it up and eat it, realizing it's not that good, but whatever... you're not hungry anymore. That poor chili is left there wondering what happened... it used to be pretty, tasty chili... now you hardly even taste it.

Now-- You're girlfriend is making a statement. Instead of meat, you got turkey. TURKEY. And I'm assuming the beans stand for gas, which means you stink.

My advice, get a bigger pot, and spend some time on a nice, slow-cooked, well stirred "pot of chili" before your girlfriend starts looking for good chili elsewhere.

Sincerely,
Abby

 

[spystud13]

Very well played.

 

[2farfromhome]

Let's get something striaght right now. What she brought back was NOT chili. Chili contains niether beans or turkey meat, plain and simple. I don't know what you call it, but it ain't chili.

 

[Not that Bob]

Smurfette brings up a lucid point. Chili, while yummy, is generally not worth the effort. You cook, and stir, and coddle hours on end...and for what? A few minutes of pleasure. But after that, the chili is not finished with you. The clean up is huge! No telling how long you will have to rub on that chili pot before it is clean enough that you are left free to put it back on the shelf. If you leave it sitting there, caked with drying chili, the pot will nag you everytime you are in the area. "Wash me! Wash me! You only care about the chili, but you never wash me!"

The cost benefit ratio for chili is, most often, not worth the effort. I suggest you toss a steak on the grill and be done with it.

 

[KC-97HORN]

Not that....

you must learn the power of the slow cooked chili, using a 6 Qt crock pot WITH.... the reynolds crockpot bag.

I have discovered the power of almost instant clean up, with just a tiny bit of scrubbing on the lid.... its marvelous.

 

[CBT]

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[Sangre Naranjada]

So then, is the Reynolds crock pot bag a metaphor for a condom? Dammit, I'm confused now.

 

[Fievel121]

Get her back by buying a pair of tickets to see Robin Williams, but make sure you're not setting together.....

 

[Ramathorn]

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[accuratehorn]

The wisdom of the ages is contained in those words about chili and steak.