Carl Spackler

[Friday]

"Oh Mrs. Crane, you're a little monkey woman. Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far in between are ya.... You're wearing green so I can't see you... you're a tramp!"

 

[YoLaDu]

So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

 

[KS1866]

This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.

 

[Ft Riley Horn]

Hang on, ladies. I gotta salami I gotta hide still....

 

[Texanne]

Man ... free to kill gophers at will ... by the government of the United Nations ...

 

[wolfman]

Sandy: I want you to kill every gophers on the golf course!

Carl Spackler: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key...

Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool! Gophers! The *little* *brown*, *furry* *rodents* -!

Carl Spackler: We can do that; we don't even have to have a reason. All right, let's do the same thing, but with gophers -!

 

[Texanne]

Great green gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts ...

 

[Friday]

Here it is! ......... It's no big deal.

 

[chango]

This crowd has gone deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta nowhere. Former greenskeeper and now about to become the masters champion.

 

[TyWebb]

You live over there on Briar,right?

 

[madscientist]

i smell varment poontang. and the only good varment poontang is dead varment poontang.

 

[Friday]

In reply to:

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[Victorious1]

IT'S IN THE HOLE.

 

[Texanne]

I'd keep playing ... I don't think the heavy stuff is coming down for quite some time.

 

[tallgrant]

To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.

 

[IsThatATitleist?]

Freeze Gopher!

 

[Texanne]

Who are the gopher's friends ... his allies? The harmless squirrel and the friendly rabbit. I'm gonna use you two guys to do my dirty work for me.

 

[Friday]

This crowd has gone deathly silent, the Cinderella story, outta no where, a former greenskeeper now - about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac - It's in the Hole!

 

[StregaHorn]

He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 iron I think.

 

[TRRW#31]

Wait up, girls; I got a salami I gotta hide still.

 

[I Am Texas]

"People think I'm an idiot or something, because all I do is cut lawns for a living."

"People don't say that about you...as far as you know."

 

[Texanne]

I'll slack you off, you fuzzy little foreigner. It's not my fault nobody can understand what you're saying.

 

[TyWebb]

Chinch bugs.....manganese

 

[DigglerontheHoof]

Cannon ball, comin atcha.